Diana (Z.M.)

Chapter Thirty-One: Empty

Chapter Thirty-One

Diana's P.O.V. 2012

      Things have gotten worse. I didn't think it was possible. I know I should believe everything he says. I know that he wouldn't lie. However, that voice keeps telling me to ignore him. I'm not supposed to listen to him. I want to be cared about. I want to be cherished. I know he's the only one who could do that. Luis is gone. My parents don't seem to care. So why do I keep pushing him away when all I want him to do is hold me close.

      He'll leave you if you let him in. Just like the rest. You'll be alone.

      But, I'm already alone. That's the thing. I'm terrified of being left alone when right now I am the loneliest of all. I feel like a waste of space, a let down. I'm just this huge mass existing when no one even gives a damn.

      Since you're just wasting space, why don't you just go? Leave everyone alone. It's time for you to not be a nuisance anymore. All you do is disgust people.

      I am disgusting. I am putrid filth just absorbing oxygen. I'm stealing so much from people who are meant to be alive and thriving. Not me. I have no reason to be alive. I'm not helping anyone and I never have.

      Yes. So, let's just end it then. Put a stop to all this pain and misery. Everyone will be at peace.

      They wouldn't even miss me. This could be painless. All I'd have to do is take a few too many pills. My body would shut down and then, I'd be okay. I wouldn't be suffering anymore. Making a decision, I step out of my room and look around for my parents. Considering it's summer and early morning, both of them are at work.

      I work my way to the medicine cabinet and search for the right concoction. I find my dad's pain medication for his knee. I look at it, heart racing in my chest. Did I really want to do this? Did I really want to die?

     Yes, you do. If you don't you're just ruining everyone else's life.

      I uncap the bottle and tip it back. Two fall into my mouth and I swig it down with a glass of water.

   That's it. Keep going. Get the whole bottle down.

      I listen to her and toss it back. More pills fall into my mouth and I keep swallowing, the water forcing them down. The taste is awful, and I'm already nauseous but I keep going. She wants me to. Soon, I'm staring at an empty bottle. I know I don't have long before I'm gone. In a fog, I decide to message Zayn one last time. At least tell him thanks for the fake compassion.

      I click on my messages and find a new one that I hadn't seen before. It's a video from Zayn. I click play and listen.

      "Hey Diana," he begins with a small smile. " I know you've been going through a lot lately. I just want you to know how beautiful you are and how amazing you are. I want you to know I see all this shit you're going through and I just want to help you. I want to make things better. However, every time I say this, you ignore me. So, I decided to try something else. Maybe this will help you. I hope it does." He stops talking as a surge of pain runs through my skull. Doubling over, I cradle my head. He begins singing but I can't hear the words. My ears are ringing too much. I pray it ends soon and it does. I have a second of relief. 

     " I'm in love with you, and all your little things"

      It's uncontrollable. I break down in tears. I can't handle it. My heart beats fast in my chest and I don't know if it's fear, gratitude, or the medication sitting in my stomach slowly killing me. Through blurry eyes, I type two words I never thought I'd say.

DianaC97: Help me.

      I collapse to the floor, with the room spinning. This is it. I'm gone. I'm dying. She lied to me. This wouldn't be painless. This hurts more than anything. I hear his voice singing on in the background and I try to focus on it as the drugs overtake me.

      Throw them up, Diana.

      I swear I hear Zayn's voice. She quickly over takes his.

     No! Keep them down. You're almost there. You're almost there.

     Diana, throw them up! You're worth something you are beautiful.

     No! You aren't you are worthless you'r-

    Shut up!

    He shouts and a piercing shriek sounds in my head. It's her. She's in pain. She's hurting. It's not me for once.

    Diana, throw them up now!

   My stomach convulses and I feel hot acid pour out of my throat. The taste of the medication sits sour in my mouth. Hot tears stream down my face and I cannot see through them. The room spins violently and there is an indescribable pain in my stomach. My heart is beating dangerously fast. I can't breathe. This is how I'm going to go. This is it.

     I hear screaming. I can't place it. I'm too out of it. All I know it could be another hallucination. I feel hands on my face, shaking me. I make out the blurry figure of my mother. She's the one screaming. She's shouting words at me that I can't hear. Nothing is coherent, anymore. The room darkens around me and the last thing I hear is Zayn's beautiful voice.

*Author's Note*

This chapter was so hard to write. Please, don't hate me. This is supposed to happen. There's a meaning for this. I promise you. Yet again, thanks for the support. I love you guys. If you ever get to this point that she is in...please, do not give a second thought in messaging me. I'm here for all of you.

                                        - Shelby x