Doubt It Gets Better ● (Colby Brock)

Ch. 17 Worthless

This week was slowly getting worse, but Friday was the worst.

I was at the school library doing a research paper for history, and Friday was the only time I can do it after school because the library's never full on that day, making it really quiet and easier to concentrate. I sat at the far side of the library on a computer so no one would bother me.

While I was typing away, I heard many footsteps behind me and I turned around coming face to face with Kennedy and her group of friends. I also saw Bri and Izzy which brought up my confusion again. Besides Izzy, I thought Bri was my actual friend, but I guess I was wrong, and I also don't understand why Bastien is dating Izzy. He's so nice and Izzy did not deserve him.

They all had smirks on their faces and it made me really nervous. Justin stood next to Kennedy, his arm around her waist. I guess him and Jewls broke up cause I saw her with another guy the other day and I guess he's dating Kennedy now. What is up with dating these mean ass rotten people?

Hey bitch, watcha working on?" Kennedy asked peering over my shoulder to look at the computer.

"M..my h..history paper." I stuttered.

"Oh I see." She said looking over my work.

Right when I didn't expect anything, she quickly pushed the power button of the system box, shutting off the computer.

"No no no no no...!!!" I was literally about to explode.

"Oh whoops, so sorry, my hand slipped." She said sarcastically.

"YOU PIECE OF SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU! I WAS WORKING SO HARD ON THAT PAPER AND YOU GO AND SHUT THE COMPUTER OFF?! LIKE, WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!! Immediately as I yelled that, I regretted it.

Justin walked over to where I was sitting. "Don't talk to her like that bitch."

"You can't tell me what to do." I replied glaring at him.

He then slapped me across the face sneering. "Yes I fucking can."

Everyone started laughing.

I sat there shocked. Did he just slap me? I held the side of my face in pain, trying to process what just happened. He's insulted me, but he has never ever hurt me physically in anyway, until now.

I looked up at him about to cry, and I thought I saw a hint of regret in his eyes, but it was quickly hidden.

I then see Bri walk over to me, thinking she was going to help me or something, but instead she tipped my chair over, making me fall on the ground. I hit my head on the computer desk in the process, and I was coming up with a headache. At this point, tears were falling down my face, but everyone was just dying of laughter.

As quickly as I could, I grabbed my backpack and stuff and stormed out of the library, earning a "shh" from the librarian, but I ignored her. I heard footsteps behind me as I entered the hallway, and I tried walking faster, but I could here them coming closer and closer. I did not dare look behind me and I kept walking, reaching the front of the school.

Right when I got outside, I broke into a run, heading to my house. I didn't have a lot of stamina, so I felt myself slowing down.

After sometime, I thought I lost them cause I couldn't here them behind me. As I slowed down, I felt someone grab me and pull me away from the street, into an ally. They threw me down on the ground, and I looked up seeing everybody looking down at me with mischievous expressions.

Kennedy walked over to me and kicked me on the side. I tried not to groan in pain as my rib area was starting to hurt. "Oh the school slut doesn't want to make a noise? Okay then let's make it happen." She motioned to people behind her, and they immediately came over to me and started beating me up.

Tears were running down my face, but I tried not to cry out in pain, as I received kicks and punches all over my body. There was this one blow to my ribs which hurt the most. I heard a crack, and I accidentally screamed.

"Uh finally. I was starting to get a little tired." Kennedy said. "You guys can stop now."

I got one final kick to the stomach and then they backed away from me. I heard them whispering among themselves, but I couldn't here what they were saying. Seconds later they started walking away and they finally left me.

I was laying on the ground of the ally with blood, bruises, and cuts all over my body. I tried getting up, but I quickly fell back down because I felt a sharp pain on my side. I managed to lift up my shirt and I saw a big purple bruise on my rib area, blood slowly drizzling down it. I put my shirt back down and the blood seeped through it.

After about 5 minutes, I finally built up enough energy to pick myself off the ground. I groaned in pain as I stood up, and I almost blacked out. I picked up my backpack and started walking home, dragging the bag behind me cause I didn't have enough energy to carry it on my back.

I finally reached my house, and as I opened the door and got in, I fell down on the floor in exhaustion.

"Well you're looking more uglier than normal."

I opened my eyes and saw Jewls looking down at me, her hands on her hips. She reached down to grab my hand, and I went to grab it, but she immediately pulled away, laughing. "You actually thought I was gonna help you up and touch your bloody ass hands?! Pathetic." She then walked away.

I managed to stand up on my own and I went to the upstairs bathroom. I looked at my self in the mirror, and I could see that my face was in pretty bad shape. Of course I'm ugly. How could Colby tell me that I'm beautiful, when I'm nothing but an ugly piece of shit.

My phone vibrated many times and I grabbed it checking the messages. One of them was from Colby asking if I needed a ride home from the library. I was about to reply when my phone vibrated again. I decided to look at who was texting me so much, but they were all anonymous.

I opened them, and I was met with hurtful things. Things that read, "get a life" "no one wants you here" "you're such a slut" "whore" "go ruin someone else's life." Then there were ones that read, "go die in a hole" "die you worthless fuck" "go kill yourself" "do us a favor and kill yourself" "you don't deserve to live" "it would be a better place if you were never born" "go die."

I started crying. I felt defeated. I didn't think I did anything wrong to deserve this. But maybe I did. I'm worthless. They're right, I don't deserve to live.

I opened my cabinet and took out a bottle of sleeping pill. I opened it and just stared at it. Should I actually do this? Is it worth it? I'll be doing everyone a favor. Most people wouldn't even care if I did. I would stop ruining people's lives. No one wants me anyways, I'm not worth anything.

I took one more look at the bottle before I poured the whole thing in my mouth and swollowed it all.

Of course I didn't feel anything yet, but I just wanted this pain to end now.

I took out my scissors and started making cuts on my body. Deep ones. I'm ugly. I'm worthless. I'm hated.

I started feeling light headed, so I walked over to my room.

I was about to get to my bed, but my dizziness washed over me, making me loose my balance.

My vision began to blur, and I fell on the ground and blacked out.