The bad boy wants to protect me?

I went upstairs to get a quick shower before my 'fun' day that was to be spent with Ladan, and it would be fun if i wasn't wanting to jump on him and take him right there and then the whole time i was with him. I've never had feelings like this before, it makes me cringe to feel so weak. Weak but i like it. I like the fuzzy feeling he gives me when he looks into my eyes. Ugh, pull yourself together Addison, you're pathetic. 

I don't even know what he's planning for us today. If we're leaving the house or not. Ugh, i get stressed so easily. After a long hot shower to calm me down a bit i climbed out and went to my closet. I hadn't gotten any new clothes so it wasn't hard to pick, faded jeans that were actually faded but it looked like i had bought them like that so it was okay, a black strappy top and a black cardigan. I left my hair natural and headed downstairs. 

Ladan was waiting for me on the sofa and all of a sudden it felt like i was going on my first date. When the guys waiting for you downstairs while you finish getting ready. But this isn't a date.

"So what are we doing today?" i asked when i got to the bottom of the stairs.

"I thought we'd go to the carnival down the street. If thats not too cliche" He said sheepishly.

"No that's fine, i've never been to a carnival!" i said with a big grin. He took my hand and we started heading out the door.

"There's not any carnivals where you're from?" he asked.

"Yea there is, but um, i just never really got the chance to go." if only he knew.

"Yea right, i bet you're just scared of the rides right?" he said humourly. 

"How would i know i'm scared of them if i've never been?" i asked seriousy. I mean how would i? He looked taken aback, and all laughter was wiped off of his face. What is wrong with me? He was just trying to tease me a bit and i come out with that? I mean seriously, why would i even do that? I have to wreck everything. The worst thing is, i snapped at him, for nothing, because i hate being called scared or weak. It brings the memories back from my past of when i was and everytime it kills me a little more inside.

How could i even beleive that i could forget my past so easily just by runnning away. It's my past, my life and it's going to stay with me wherever i go. I just need to face up to it, to accept that it's a part of me now. 

"Look i'm sorry Ladan. I'm just  a bit tired and snappy tonight. Let's just go yeah?" i said while trying to pull of a conincing smile. I grabbed his hand and started heading towards the carnival.

"Sure" he replied and started walking next to me. I felt him stiffen when i held his hand, great, so i've been reading him wrong this whole time, he doesn't like me and i'm making an idiot of myself.

Just as i was about to pull my hanad out of his he interwined our fingers keeping a firm grip on my hand. A smile made its way onto my face and i couldn't help but feel so whole in that moment. 

The colorful lights from the carnival came into veiw and i was starstruck. I stopped walking and just took it all in.

The were big tall green gates with brick walls leading around the carnival. There was a little archway to the right of the gates where you could get in and pay. Over the tops of the brick walls you could see the tops of all the rides that went on for miles above the walls. There were so many different rides that i didn't know excisted there were rollercoasters that looped, ones that you went up and fell down into the ground. There was even a big ball you could sit in and it springs you up into the air while spinning around. It made my sotmach lurch just looking at it.

"Addy? Ads? You there? Are we going to go in or just wait around looking at it all day?" Ladan was waving his hand infront of my face looking at me like i was crazy. The lights were reflecting off his face while he looked into my eyes and i couldn't help but stare. He looks so beautiful and innocent. Then i remembered the scene from the club and any thoughts of him being innocant atall left my mind.

"Yeah, sorry lets go i can't wait!" I said excitedly and it was the truth, it all looked so new and exciting. 

3 hours later we had been on every ride except the ferris wheel which we were queueing up for now. The feel of the rides when you go up into the air, adrenaline pumping through me is addictive. Ladan was getting tired from all the rides and my screaming and the squeezing of his hand by the 11th ride we went on but he kept up and went on every ride with me so i didn't have to go alone. 

We had eaten all the cliche carnival foods, candy flosss, toffee apples, hotdogs, you name it we ate it. I've never had so much fun in my life.

The ferris wheel was exactly what we needed to end the day. It was dark by now and the ferris wheel went fairly slow so it was relaxing and you would be able to see the whole carnival from the top. 

We were second in line now and i was getting excited. Ladan still had hold of my hand and a smile had been permanantly etched onto his face all day. I didn't think i would have fun today, but Ladan is such a great guy, he paid for everything and didn;t complain once. 

"Oh Ladan, nice to see you out without your crew, that's pretty dangerous you know. Seeing as there are plenty of people that will take this golden oppurtunity to pay you back." I turned to see where the voice came from.

Standing a few feet infront of Ladan was 3 big guys, they were muscled but they were fuck ugly. They had a scary look about them, having hard faces and scars all over their body. They looked like they hadn't showered in weeks, their hair was greasy and their clothes were mucky. They had big bags under their eyes and their teeth were brown and black. One of the guys had a hole in his nose from taking drugs. 

And they were looking at me and Ladan like we were scum. Why did Ladan even know guys like this? 

"Get lost boys. If i needed back up my men would be here in minutes. Seeing as you lot are no threat to me i will not be needing to make any calls now will i? Now back off and let me spend some time with my girl." He said feircley. It was kind of a turn on, you could tell he was strong and when he called me his girl a smile tugged at my lips.

One of the greasy men stepped towards me abit more and i tightened my hold on Ladans hand. 

"and what a fine lady she is, i wouldn't mind a couple of rounds with her. Such a petite innocent girl. Too innocent to be with the likes of Ladan Smith. Wouldn't you say so boys?" he turned to look at his boys who were all nodding at him. "I think we'll have to take some of that innocence she carries away from her." He lifted his hand to touch my face and then was when i lost it. Nobody makes a fool out of me. I slapped his hand away from my face.

"Who the fuck do you think you are? Actually don't answer that cause i don't give a shit. Innocent huh? You'll see innocent when your face is being pumelled by a girl. I don't give a shit what goes on between you and Ladan it ain't got nothing to do with me you greasy peice of crap. I wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire. You aren't worth nothing." I was raging. I could see all the mens shocked faces but i don't care. no fucker direspects me. 

"Now if you don't mind i'd like to finish off my day on the ferris wheel with Ladan so if you'lll happily go back to the street corners where you belong it'd be much appreciated." I said with my best smile.  All three men glared at me and as if on queue the man who was instructing the ferris wheel opened the gate letting us know it was our turn.

I had to drag Ladan into the cart as he was still in too much shock he could hardly move. What a loser.

When we sat in the cart and it started moving upwards and the shocked face still wasn't wiped off Ladan's face i decided to do it for him. so i slapped him.

"The fuck Addy?" He said. I just gave him a glare as if to say 'you know what'. 

"Addy that was-" i cut him off.

"explain" i said bluntly.

"explain what?"

"Who those guys were? why people would want to hurt you? who are your boys? you crew? Fucking everything Ladan?" i demanded.

"Fine but it's a long story and i can't guarantee you'll like it. Just promise me you'll listen to my whole story."