Love is just a formula

Chapter Fourteen

AVA

The two weeks that follow the science camp are busy. It's well into the term now and I've covered enough chapters with my different classes to start giving out tests and lots more assignments and homework. Of course this means more marking for me, which has an upside, it means I spend more time with my TA, the oh so gorgeous Thalia. I've given up worrying about how my feelings for Thalia don't seem to weaken, and I've definitely given up giving myself a hard time about falling for a student. There's no point fighting the fact I enjoy spending time with Thalia. I've just come to terms with it.

Emily and I spoke and made up, and she told me she understands and knows that you can't control who you fall for, and she was just worried I'd end up in jail and that I'd end up hurt because it's not possible for me and Thalia to be together.

Thalia jokes with me saying how I'm becoming less and less popular amongst the students, with all the work I've been dishing out, and the only reason the kids still love me is because I'm attractive. I know I shouldn't let her talk to me like that, I wouldn't let another student talk to me like that, but with her it's different. I don't mind. If anything I like it. Which is also why I let her flirty comments slide, and sometimes, even though I know I shouldn't, I throw flirty comments back, or tease her by dragging my nails softly across her back when I walk past in the lab. Or when we're alone I'll find ways to show her my cleavage and bend over so she can get a good view of my ass. I know she looks because I've caught her, or I turn and see her face is pink.

It's a Friday after school, and I find myself checking the time. All I want is for it to reach 3:45, which is when Thalia said she'd join me.

At around that time, she skips into the classroom. Looking extremely excited and happy in tight jeans and beige flannel. I smirk in amusement, what has gotten this child into such a mood?

"What drugs are you on?" I laugh as she skips twirls over.

"Just snorted a line of cocaine, want some?" She winks and I chuckle and roll my eyes. I know she's joking. She told me once before that she's okay with cannabis, but she'll never do anything more then that.

"Really though, why so happy?" I ask as she drags up a chair next to me and plops down.

"I found out my grandparents and little sister are coming over next weekend and staying for an entire week," she says and I feel my heart flutter with happiness for her. I know how close she is to those three, and how she misses them. Especially her little sister Ella.

"That's great news!" I say, smiling and laying a hand over hers and squeezing. Inwardly I smirk when I see her eyes dart to our hands and a tint of red flows over her cheeks.

"Do you want to meet her? Ella I mean?" She blurts out. I freeze, shocked at first.

"I-I mean yo-you don't have to, but-" she starts stuttering, her face going red.

"No! Of course I want to," I say stopping her and squeezing her hand again, giving her a reassuring smile. Relief washes over her face.

I realize I haven't moved my hand from hers, and I see her eyes resting on our hands. Slowly, without saying a thing and keeping her eyes on our hands she turns her hand around so it's palm up, and gently moves her fingers between mine. I notice how hard my heart is beating. I should be finding this action inappropriate, or in the least a little strange, but I don't. I find it moving, sweet, innocent...

She tightens her grip slightly, and in reaction I do the same.

"S-sorry," she says, pulling her hand away suddenly, as if waking up and realizing what she was doing. I feel a tug on my heart, craving her touch.

"It's okay," I say softly, pulling my own hand back.

"Here, can you mark these for me?" I say after quickly composing myself, handing her some grade 10 assignments.

"Yes sure," she says. I can sense she's tense.

We mark papers for a while in silence, and several times I see her open her mouth as if she wants to say something, but she bites back on it. I remain silent, hoping she'll find the courage and words to say to me whatever it is she wants to say. But after half an hour she still hasn't.

"What is it?" I say eventually, sighing. I put down my pen and turn to her.

"What do you mean?" She asks stiffly, looking at me. Those damn silver grey eyes.. how's it possible to have eyes that colour.

"You've been trying to say something for a while now, I can sense it." I say, and she looks down, looking nervous.

"I.. I don't think I should say it. Last two times we've spoken like that we ended up arguing and fighting." She says after a pause, picking up her pen and twisting it between her fingers.

"Thalia.." I start, leaning over and taking her pen away, before moving my hand to her chin and tilting her head to look at me.

"I'd rather you say it then let it bug you for goodness knows how long.." I pause before saying the next bit, last time we actually addressed and spoke about our feelings was on camp, "you know my feelings for you, chances are I feel the same way."

She searches my eyes and I see she's gathering her thoughts and forming words. She looks down at her hands twisting in her lap before speaking.

"I.. I can't do this.. I can't stay away from you, I figured that out when we weren't talking for those few weeks. But being near you.. speaking time with you.. I.. I just feel my feelings grow. I've never felt something.. and I know this sounds stupid but I've never felt something this strong before.."

I feel my heart thud louder and louder at her words, and my skin prickles.

"It's so hard, seeing you every day, and not being able to touch you, to.. to not be able to be with you.. I know you have so much to risk but this.. this is so hard.." the last part comes out as a whisper.

"It's hard for me to.." I manage to say. You don't know how hard..

"I guess.. and this is selfish.. but I guess I'm trying to say.. please, please can we just try.." she finally finishes, looking at me. Every fiber in my body wants me to move forward and kiss her on those soft lips, every membrane want me to scream out yes, to hold her and tell her all I want is to be with her. Instead I look to my desk, my hands making fists in desperation to control myself, to think rationally.

"Thalia.." I manage.

"Forget I asked, I know.. I know." She says, her voice shaking. She stands and I look to her, standing up too, trying desperately to find something to say, find words to describe to her how I feel, to decide what I want and what I should do, but it's all happening to fast.

"Thalia wait!" I say, but she's out the door. I stare stupidly as the door swings closed, and I sit heavily back down. To lost for words.