Islands

21. The Island of Weakness

To be honest, Mads and I weren't really together. Never went on an actual date, never said we were exclusive and we never actually had sex. But the pain of losing something that you could have had, that was something so new to me that it was uncomprehending.
I pushed myself into forgetting. Sure, tears came and went, but not for long.
It was my final day on the island before heading to the mainland for three weeks and I still needed answers.

After Mads and I talked, the day became rather slow. I tried to stay away from my family and other people to not cause others to realize my sadness but Kristi insisted that Will, Josh, her, and I all go to some fancy seafood restaurant on the other side of the island. I was to wear a short red lace halter dress and black pumps. My hair was straightened and my makeup was bare except for red lipstick. I tried not to wear something revealing because of Josh's presence, so the halter dress was my best bet.

I had finished getting ready and as I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt a dull ache in the pit of my stomach. Something was telling me not to go. The feeling was so strong that I began to contemplate excuses to make. I gripped the bathroom sink for deer life as the anxiety burned my skin. I took a deep breath, trying so hard to not to fall to my knees. A loud bang came down upon the bathroom door very abruptly, the sound was loud and full of anger that it made me jump.
My mouth agape, I tried to find basic words but couldn't muster a single English word. 

"Allison, open up." 

I swallowed hard and tried to muster words again. I looked up from my feet. The sound of his voice sent my heart beating fast. He was definitely angry. But it had been hours since our talk, I couldn't have pissed him off. 

I closed my eyes, there's no way hes really at the door. He had left in such a way that my brain had told me that I'd probably never see him for the rest of the trip, hell! Even the entire wedding. My doubt was definite, my mind had to be playing tricks on me. 

"Allison!" His voice grew, but he attempted to keep himself from yelling. 

I opened my eyes, they were bloodshot now. The thought of him made me want to cry, but I couldn't. The idea that I never had him in the first place made me feel that I was stupid beyond belief. 

"Allison! If you don't open the door, I will break it down." He was stern and I could hear him trying to control his anger as he spoke through his teeth. 

I walked to the door and grabbed the door handle. Taking a deep breath, I turned the handle and swung the door open.
His expression of anger left in an instant. His mouth agape, he looked from my eyes to my feet. He took in an audible deep breath and clenched his jaw. I looked at his eyes as he raised his view back up my body to my eyes.
I swallowed hard as I used the archway to support my body. My knees were growing weaker by the minute. 

"I guess you just answered my question..." I blinked a couple times, dazed by my sadness. 

"What are you talking about?" I breathed out.

"I was gonna ask if you were actually going. Looks like you are, unless you randomly dress yourself up like that..."

I looked down at my lace dress.
"I'm going to dinner with Kristi and Will if that's what you mean." 

He let out a breath of anger, biting his lower lip. He pushed his hands on both sides of the door.

 "That's a very odd way of putting it...dinner with Kristi and Will..." 

"That's what it is. Why would it-" I stopped my words. Josh.

"Josh is going because Will is," I explain. Mads lets out a groan.