Little Baby Steps (Zayn Malik)

Chapter 18 {Broken}

Zayn merely sat there. His body slumped tiredly as his brown eyes roved across the same spot over and over again, merely trying to make some sort of sense of it. He was perplexed, what had he done to make her do that to him? He had thought he had had been an amazing boyfriend to her, attentive and caring, he had thought he had done everything right, yet there he sat, his body slumped tiredly trying to make sense of it all. He didn’t think Claire was like that, he didn’t think that she, a girl he had labelled one of the most honest and caring people in his life would be the girl that would break his heart in two without a care, he’d just never pinned it on her.

But she had, she had broken him as if he were nothing more than a toy to her, something she could play with and discard. He had thought so much better of her; he had thought that she was the sweetest, most angelic girl he had ever met and that she out of all people would never hurt him, but she had gone beyond that, she hadn’t just hurt him, she had stabbed him straight through the heart, with a pain that he had never experienced in his life. She had taken him, a naïve nineteen year old boy and snapped him as if he was nothing, Claire had left him broken and there was not a damned thing he could do about it…

…the light of the next morning was unwelcome. The strands cast themselves across the room, plaguing his face and burning his eyes. With a grunt, he tossed onto his back and stared at the ceiling, his mind taking a few moments to fully understand the emptiness that was around him. She was gone, there was nothing he could do about that, she was gone and with his daughter inside of her. Pulling himself from the bed, Zayn groaned, his muscles were tight from hours on end of sitting and were pulling back to shape as he stood up. It was strange, waking up alone after months on end of waking up beside her, but he knew it was just one of a number of things that he was going to have to get used to. Strolling tiredly across his room, he seized a clean shirt from the side and darted into the bathroom to take a shower before training.

It was a Friday, the day before the home game with West Brom, something which meant at least he wouldn’t be coming home tonight. When it came time to play at home, the lads merely deposited their cars at the stadium complex before travelling to a hotel, something Zayn was extremely grateful for; he couldn’t bare the thought of being alone, not right now anyways.

Training was awkward. Zayn arrived to many speculative glances from his teammates in the wake of his decision to throw them out the previous night. Many of his friends asked him about it, about what had made his mood suddenly so foul the previous night, but he merely blagged them off, he had no interest in discussing his personal life with them, no matter how close they may have been, his life was his life and it had nothing to do with anyone else. After the questions had been skilfully avoided, the session itself was a welcome distraction, at least when he was kicking the ball and performing simple drills, his mind wasn’t fixated on the events of the previous night.

Of course he felt bad about it. As horrible as it had been to find her in the position he had, he knew he shouldn’t have said some of things he had said. She was still, no matter what she had done, to be the mother of his child, the only child he was to have in the foreseeable future. He shouldn’t have reacted the way he had, he knew it, but he couldn’t change it, what was done was done and there was no way he could fix it, he didn’t even know where she would be.

“Come on Malik” Louis hollered as the small midfielder changed slowly “Niall is setting up a tournament on fifa and we can’t play without the cover boy” the older called. Zayn smiled vaguely and nodded his head as he tugged his hoodie around his shoulders. As much as he knew he wasn’t in the mood for playing about with his friends, he knew he had to; he couldn’t let them know what had happened, he couldn’t let them know that he had kicked the mother of his daughter out of his home to go god knows where, he didn’t need their anger nor their pity, he had enough of that of his own.

“I’ll be right with you” he called back, it was going to be a long night…

{Claire}

“Clairy come on” Her mother cooed as she ran her fingers back through her daughter’s matted curls. She’d been at their house all night, but was still to speak a word; all they knew was that something had happened with Zayn. “If he has hurt, me and Nate will sort him out, mark my words” he father grunted in a stereotypically male way “Nobody hurts my little girl” he added. Claire sighed softly and wiped her eyes with the blanket she had been wrenching in her hands “It wasn’t his fault dad” she muttered out hopelessly as she placed a hand on her stomach “It was mine, I hurt him, not the other way around” she sighed.

Her mother looked at her daughter and shooed the two men from the room. “It’s just us now honey” she whispered as she wrapped her arms around the small girl’s frame “Now come on, tell me what happened” Claire sighed and laid her head on her mother’s shoulder, tears once more streaming down her cheeks. Even the mere thought of Zayn made her want to sob uncontrollably. He was special, the most special person she had come across in her young life and she had tossed it away in a brief moment of stupidity. “Come on sweetheart” her mother cooed gently as she brushed her thumb across her daughter’s cheek “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what is wrong” she whispered.

Claire sucked a shaky breath through her lips and peered at her mother. “Dylan’s back” she spoke weakly “Dylan came to the party that Zayn threw for me last night. I don’t know what happened nor how I could let it happen, but he kissed me” her mother let out a small gasp and coaxed her daughter’s head onto her chest “Zayn came out, he caught us and then he told me that he didn’t want our baby” she wept into her mother’s shirt. “What am I supposed to do now? No sane person is going to want a nineteen year old with a baby in tow” she whispered. Her mother sighed quietly…

{Zayn}

“What is up with you tonight?” Liam asked as he flopped onto the bed of the hotel room the two boys were sharing “You’ve hardly spoken a word or cracked a smile, which isn’t like you” he noted. Zayn looked at him and sighed, his brown eyes plagued with the tiredness that filled him. “Has something happened with you and Claire?” he asked.

Zayn flinched at the mere mention of her name and brought his hand to his head “Zayn what is it mate?” the other coaxed. Zayn sighed and looked at his friend “We broke up” he said “I caught her with another man last night at the party and I threw her out.” He stated simply. Liam thought for a second before speaking again, contemplating meticulously the words to use. “What is the problem then?” he asked bluntly “She cheated, she’s gone, why the hell are you so down about it?”

Zayn cocked his head to one side as anger filled him. “Why am I so down about it?” he echoed darkly “Why am I so down about the fact that my pregnant girlfriend cheated on me? I’ll tell you why. I freaking love her. I love her more than any person I have ever met in my life, she completes me. I’m so cut up about it because I thought she felt the same way, clearly she doesn’t, I’m nothing but a sperm donor to her and I always have been, I’ve just been too freaking blind to see it. I really thought she was the one, the one I would marry and have tons of kids with, but I guess I was wrong eh?” he exclaimed.

Liam stared at him and cocked his head to one side as his friend’s words rung in his ears “If you love her so much, why didn’t you fight for her? You claim that she is your missing piece, yet you through her out. She didn’t leave you Jack, you made her, I think that you have led to your own downfall” he stated. Zayn would have retorted, but he didn’t have it in him.

Deep down inside, he knew that he was right, if he had just spoken to her, let her explain then maybe he wouldn’t feel so bad, maybe everything would be the way he had liked them. Maybe just maybe, Claire would have still been with him. “Look, we’re supposed to be down in the conference room for the manager’s speech in a little while, I can cover you later, why don’t you try and fix things?” he suggested.

Zayn smiled softly at his friend and embraced him warmly. He wasn’t going to let her go, he couldn’t…