My popular secret

Chapter 24 - The Beach

"So how are you feeling, since leaving the hosptial?" He asks, still looking positive which helps me confirm he doesn't know about my situation.
"Better."
"So what have you been doing these last two days then? Because to be honest I was surprised they let you out of hospital  so quickly after being taken off life-support. I had to stay for a few weeks."
"Yeah, I guess they just thought I recovered really quickly so they discharged me." I hate lying to him, but right now I can't think of anything worse than telling him the truth.
"Oh, well that's good then. What about the oxygen though?"
"Oh I er - my lung tumours have grown back."
I say without thinking properly.
"Really? Oh sorry about that. What about everything else?"
"It's stable." Again I didn't think about it before saying it. "Can we just not talk about cancer?"
"Of course of course. Anyway, we're here for us today."
Eventually we drive over a hill and I see a beautiful stretch of ocean, and an empty beach.
"We're going to the beach!?" I say excitedly.
"Yep. I know how much you love it here."
"I love you Caleb, Thankyou so much."
He doesn't react much to me telling him I love him. Which I guess means he's comfortable with it?

The beach is practically empty, as it is of course still winter. But it's not too cold, and there's only a light breeze. He wheels me up to the edge of the beach where the path ends, "my wheelchair won't be able to go on the stones." I say sadly as I come to this realisation.
"I'll just have to do this then won't I?" He says and sweeps me up so gracefully out of my wheelchair and into his arms. Leaving the chair on the path he strides romantically to a flat patch of stones, a few metres from the water and then lays out a towel for me to sit on. But before he places me down, he looks me in the eyes and I can't help but blush with happiness, and he kisses me but only for a short second.
He then runs back over to the path to collect a basket that he left over there, I watch him as he runs back so confidently, but am annoyed at him for only giving me a small peck.
So as soon as he sits down, I confidently turn his head to face mine and pull him in for another. This time it lasts a lot longer, and we both don't let go until we're fully satisfied. I release myself from his lips feeling more alive than ever.
He opens a bottle of wine, and starts laying out some freshly made bread rolls.
"This is so lovely Caleb. Honestly. You don't know how much you mean to me."
"The feeling is mutual Bella. My life was miserable until I met you."
"Don't say that."
"No honestly it was. I had nothing to live for, I had no reason to continue treatment. and now I have you, and my perspective on everything has changed."
"That's so sweet Caleb. But you have lots to live for, other than just me." I say trying to reassure him due to me knowing the inevitability of me disappearing from his life sometime soon.
"Like what?"
"Like finishing college, getting in to the university you want. Achieving your dream job. You have so much to live for."
"There's something I want to ask you Bella. And I want to do it right this time." He says diverting the topic completely.
"And what would that be?"
"Bella, do you want to be my girlfriend?" He says and opens his arms out as if I'm about to hug and kiss him and say yes. And in a perfect world I would. But my life is anything but perfect right now.
"I er -"
"What's wrong? I thought you wanted this?"
"No no I do! I really do want to be your girlfriend. I just don't know... are you sure it's what you want?"
"Bella we've been over this."
"I know but what if things were to change?"
"Like what?"
"Like if I was to get sicker? If I was to be diagnosed with terminal cancer and you knew we wouldn't be together for long. Do you really want that?"
"Bella you need to understand I want to be with you. Wether it's for one hundred years, or a few days. I love you Bella, why can't you see that?"
"You really mean it?"
"I do Bella I do. You're the one I want to be with now. Why do we have to talk about what's going to happen in the future?"
"You're right... okay... yes, I would love to be your girlfriend." We then finally give eachother another hug and kiss, and it is official. Caleb is my boyfriend.
But I can't help but feel so guilty. I talked about all that stuff as if it could happen in the future. But deep down I know it's already happened. It's happening, right now. As I at with him, lying to him. But I don't want to ruin what we've got, so I can't tell him.

--

Not telling him has turned out to be a good decision, we have had an amazing time on the beach, and even though I couldn't go in the water, I enjoyed watching him jumping over he waves as they made it to shore like I used to as a kid. But it's started getting a little cold now, and I can't hide my shivering any longer. He quickly jumps out of the water and grabs a towel. He then does the unexpected thing and wraps it around me, and holds it tightly against my skin.
"But Caleb you need this towel. You're going to freeze."
"It's more important that you don't freeze Bella. I can live with being cold, I've got to make sure my girlfriend is as comfortable as possible."
I love the use of the word girlfriend, it makes me realise how real things are. I've never had that. Anything real. Anyone real. I've only ever had guys like Dylan, and Caleb is nothing like those guys.

Now I'm just relaxing, absorbing as much of the fresh sea air as I can. I love the feel of the wind brushing past my cheeks.
The feeling of Caleb with his arms around me, ensuring I stay warm. The sound of the waves pleasantly crashing down on the stones. Things couldn't be more perfect.

Eventually we have to leave, the shivering isn't helping me with my breathing, and I'd rather not pass out on him again.
He delivers me home to my worried family as I've been out so long.
As Caleb lifts me into my dads arms the first thing he says is "Bella you're so cold."
"It's alright Dad. It's just the beach."
"You went to the beach?" My mum asks conceringly.
"Yes mum. And I loved it." Caleb then leaves and my dad places me down on the sofa.
Daniel, Tim, Christy and my other sister who I rarely see, Hayley, are all in the living room watching a movie.
"So how was it?" Hayley asks.
"Amazing. He's so amazing."
"You really love him don't you?" Hayley says with a massive grin. She comes over to me and gives me a hug. I don't see her very often as she's a lot older than me, she's almost 30, and was the first child my parents adopted. By the time I came she had basically already left for uni, so we didn't spend much time together when I was a child. But I still love it when she's home.
"I do." I reply.
"Why did he take you to the beach?" My mum asks as she steps into the living room and is yet to have taken a seat.
"Because he knows I love the beach, and he thought it would be a sweet thing to do."
"It would be if you weren't this sick. All the sand and the freezing cold water and your oxygen!"
"Mum calm down please. It was perfect. He looked after me so well, I promise you."
"As long as you're still okay." She says and relaxes a little.
" I'm fine. I'm not going to get better mum, I want to do these things while I can."
Before my mum can react badly to that, Christy interupts "so? Did he ask you?"
"Ask her what?" Asks Hayley.
"Yes. Caleb is now my boyfriend." I say with a massive grin and go all shy, Hayley and Christy shake me and squeal with excitement.
"Your boyfriend? But Bella, does he know?"
"Mum!" Christy interupts.
"No it's alright Christy."
"So does he?" She asks again.
"No... no he doesn't. But that doesn't matter. I asked him if thats what he wants and he told me he loves me. And he wants to be with me wether I have years or days left to live."
"So he does know?"
"No. it was just meant metaphorically. And I would really appreciate it if no one told him."
"But you can't never tell him?" Says mum.
"I'm with mum on this Bella." Hayley says to my surprise. "He has to know."
"Why? Why does he? Can't we just enjoy this time? I'll let him know someday, but for now it's perfect and I don't want anything ruining that."

I went to bed shortly after our conversation, it was a lot of things happening at once and it made me exteremly tired.
But I spent the whole night dreaming of Caleb, his lips, what it felt like to be touched by him. And his stunning smile that could light up a whole room...