My popular secret

Chapter 3- Chemo and Guy troubles

I mean, I do kiss a lot of guys. But I've never had an actual 'boyfriend'.

Is that bad?

I'm trying to distract myself by thinking about boys, whilst on the way to the hospital this morning.

I have a pounding headache from last night, but I'm desperate for it not to show.

"How are you feeling today honey? Do you feel strong enough to not have to stay the night tonight?" Asks my mum as she drives the car.
She is always the one who comes with me to the hospital, since being diagnosed, there hasn't been a single day that she hasn't been there for me. My dad always comes and visits too, but he has to stay home and look after all the other kids.
I feel very fortunate to have adoptive parents like these. If you didn't know, then you would never be able to guess I wasn't their biological child.

--

We finally arrive at the hospital, and my body just automatically knows where to go now. I'm not quite as enthusiastic about it, I used to run in as a kid, kind of clueless about what was actually going on.

Now knowing I'm about to have poison pushed through my veins, it's less exciting now.

I sit in the waiting room, whilst my mum checks me in. This is the only place I feel comfortable enough to show my bald head. Well... because, everyone looks like me.

I'm on a kids ward, so I am one of the oldest here, but it is nice to be surrounded by children. It makes the atmosphere a little bit more upbeat. There aren't many teenagers here. There used to be. I had two really close friends... but they both died within the same month. That was probably the worst time of my life. It hit me hard, and made me realise how lucky I am to still be here.

"Bella taylor" the nurse calls out my name and takes me into a room. "Hi Bella, how are we feeling today?"
"Yeah I'm alright"
I'm trying not to speak much, I don't want to reveal that I'm still hungover.

She takes me into a room with 4 beds. This is just the part of the hospital where outpatients come in and receive their chemotherapy. If they decide we need to stay overnight, then we will be moved to the inpatient part of the Hospital and most likely will be given our own room.
Sometimes, people come in and have to receive their chemo for one whole week at a time. I had to do this, the second time I got cancer, because it came back and was basically everywhere in my body. I needed a much stronger dose of chemo, and would always get fevers.

Fevers are like one of the main things a cancer patient fears. It means straight into the hospital for at least a couple of days.
We don't have the cells to fight off infection, as they're being killed by the treatment that's supposed to fight the cancer. It's quite ironic really. The thing using to 'cure' us, is actually worse than the cancer itself.

So I'm now lying on my usual bed, waiting for the nurse to come in and access my port.
My port is basically something they put under the skin, which is where they put in a needle and all my medicine goes through it. It saves the nurses having to put an IV in my arm all of the time.
But it can be annoying, you have tubes dangling from your chest and your attached to a pole the whole time.
But I'm kind of used to it now. I don't really remember a life without cancer, because I was so young when I was diagnosed.
Sometimes I just sit and think what it would have been like to grow up a normal kid. But I try not to dwell on these thoughts. I sometimes get consumed in fear and regret, and it becomes so out of control, that I become very depressed.

"Okay the chemo is going in now Bella. I'll be back in about half an hour to check your vitals okay?" Says the nurse.
"Yep, okay."
My mum sits in the corner in her usual chair, and reads magazines. Whilst I usually look at my phone and try and distract myself from thinking about where I really am, and what situation I'm in.