My popular secret

Chapter 14- My last chance

I had a long chat with Christy that evening... most of it was just spent with shared tears however.
But after having the most serious chat about my recent deterioration, has made us all realise we're not ready to give up yet. And neither am I. So today we're heading back to the hosptial to speak with my oncologist about further treatment options.

Just hearing my sister talk to my parents as if my time was nearly up gave me the kick up the bum I needed to do something about it.
I'm really not ready to die yet. And the reality of dying has made me realise this, as well as my amazing family who I couldn't imagine living without. Without whom, I would probably already be dead. If they hadn't adopted me, I would have been stuck in Belarus where treatment options aren't nearly as advanced as here in America.

Travelling to the hosptial with me is my mum, dad and Christy. All my other siblings, as well as Caleb and Ella, are holding their phones all day long waiting to hear if there's any good news.

As soon as we arrive at the hosptial, a nurse takes us all in to a room to talk with Dr. Adams.
"So, Bella. I'm glad you have called this meeting if I'm being completely honest with you. I was meaning to discuss your MRI results within the next few days anyway."
"Doctor, please, we're just here to see if there's anything more we can do for my baby girl. She's not been well lately, as much as I hate to admit it, but things just haven't been the same since she had that surgery-"
"It's alright Tammy. I understand. I know what you're all here for, but before we get into any of that, I just need to discuss the results with you... Bella are you happy for me to go through this with your family in the room?"
"Of course, just get on with it." I say bluntly as dragging this out as long as possible isn't currently my idea of fun.
"So, your recent scans show that the surgery was successful. There is no evidence of any cancer in your liver, however," he says quickly before allowing my parents to get any hopeful feelings. "The scan also shows some new spots of cancer...I'm afraid the cancer has spread to your lungs, there are five new tumours in your lungs, as well as some new ones around your pelvic area and around your ribs."
No one says anything. That wasn't the news I was really expecting to hear today, but I guess to be honest I didn't expect anything less at the same time.
"So its true then. The treatment isn't working?" I say to everyone's surprise.
"Unfortunately, it's not having the effect we would have liked it to have."
"So what else is there?"
"Sorry?"
"What else can I do to get rid of the tumours?" I ask with a plead of desperation.
"Well, I suggest we continue with chemotherapy as it is still effective in reducing some of the other tumours, but the only other option is, and you need to understand this is only ever used as a last resort, especially with patients with rhabdomyosarcoma, is a bone marrow transplant."
"Let's do it." I say without any hesitation.
"Woah Bella you can't just agree to something like that" says Christy.
"She's right Bella, there are many risks and it does need some serious thinking about. There's no real evidence of it being succssesful in rhabdo patients."
"I don't care. You said this is only used as a last resort, but we are at that point now aren't we? We've already established that I'm dying, why can't we all just say it so I can have the treatment and -"
"Bells please stop saying that!!" My dad hollers unexpectedly.
"I agree with your father Bella, there's no reason to believe you're dying even if you are getting sicker. .. but there are other things to consider with the treatment."
"Like what?"
"Like the fact you will have to go on a waiting list. And it's very long. Or... you could have a family member donate the bone marrow then we could do it immediately."
"Well great I go for that option!" I say it without even thinking about what I'm really saying.
"Bella, don't you - er - you know we're not your actual blood relatives right? I'm so sorry Bella." My mum says hurting.
"Oh... of course."
"So I'll go on the waiting list then. How long is it?"
"Long." Dr Adams replied bluntly and as if he's holding something back.
"How long?"
He lets out a big sigh and starts to re- posture himself in his chair. "Long enough, that it's likely you won't survive it."