LightWeight

Step Seven

It was Leslie. "I'm fine!" I shouted back, though my sniffle and cracked voice proved very differently. I stood up on wobbly legs, turning on the sink and grabbing handfuls of napkins from the holder.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! I'll be out in a second." I dabbed the damp towels under my eyes, evening my skin color. My entire face turned red.

I tried to collect myself in the mirror. My chest moved up and down from my uneven breathing and my eyes constantly shied away from me. This was always the hardest part of my day; looking at myself and not seeing that little girl. Not seeing the fool who believed anything someone told her. Not being Desiree.

"Do you like it?" He asked me.

I twirled around in the mirror, a smile present on my face. "I love it!" And I did. It was a baby pink sundress with a hot pink strap wrapped around the waist. We passed it in a store a month ago, and I had been begging for it ever since. "Thank you."

"Anything for you, Baby Girl. Come here." He licked his lips as I walked towards him. Using his arms he lifted me up as if I weighed nothing, though to be six, I was at least sixty pounds. "You know I love you, right?"

"Yes." I responded, nodding eagerly.

"And you know I’d do anything for you, right?" Again, I nodded my head, but a little slower this time. I wondered where he was going with this. "Okay, I want you to do something for me then..."

"Desiree! Open this damn door!" It was Leslie again, banging on the door like her life depended on it. Frustration pulled at my bones. This was aggravating. She had no logical reason for causing this big of a scene. Wasn't me storming out a scene enough?

I swung open the door. "I'm here. What?"

"Were you crying?" She reached out to touch my face but I pulled it back.

"I'm fine." I responded. "All of this wasn't necessary, at all."

"I thought something was wrong with you."

Something is wrong with me. I'm hunted every day with memories of a molester and a lover and someone who was supposed to love me but only did it in the wrong way. Every day I have to smile at a reflection that does nothing but make me want to hurl. All I want to do is break but I may never come back up if I do that.

"I'm fine." I whispered, noticing the others try to blend in the background and pretend like they weren't listening to the conversation. "Give me a few minutes." I closed the door.

I paced in a circle momentarily before walking to the toilet seat. Kneeling on my legs, I held my arms in a prayer and bowed my head. "Lord, you are Holy above all others, and all of the strength that I need is in your hands. I am not asking, Lord, that you take this trial away. Instead, I simply ask that your will be done in my life. Whatever that means, that is what I want. But I admit that it's hard, Lord. Sometimes I feel like I can't go on. The pain and the fear are too much for me, and I know that I don't have the strength on my own to get through this. I know that I can come to you, Jesus, and that you will hear my prayer. I know that it is not your intent to bring me to this point just to leave me in the wilderness alone. Please, Lord, give me the strength that I need to face today. Don’t have to worry about tomorrow. If you just give me the strength that I need today that is all I need. Keep me from sinning during this trial. Instead, help me to keep my eyes on you. You are the Holy Lord, and all of my hope rests in you. Thank you for hearing my prayer. In Jesus' name. Amen."

I slowly stood up and looked in the mirror again. When I was afraid, he was here. When I felt alone, he was here.

Jesus is my only friend.

"Des..." I looked up from my phone in the van to see Trey in front of me. I just stared at him, not saying anything. Talking to people was on the absolute bottom of my list of events, and I silently prayed he would get the memo. He didn't. "Are you okay?”

"Um-Hum." I muttered. I didn't even make eye contact. I looked straight ahead.

"Are you sure?”No. No I'm not sure.

No one else paid us any mind as they were too engaged in their own conversations. I wasn't convinced they didn't have an open ear. I glanced at his face, briefly seeing the worry in his eyes. Or maybe it was the craving for new information. Either way, I wasn't speaking.

The car stopped and I wasted no time in opening the door. My purse was on my left arm as I balanced myself with my right holding the door so I didn't fall. Once my feet were on stable ground I felt a coarse hand on my arm. My palms started to sweat and my heartbeat quickened.

"What the hell is this?" I heard him scream as the bushes in front of me moved. "Who is he?"

"A friend!" I shrieked as I was roughly grabbed by my arm and yanked up. "Stop, that hurts."

"Shut up." He pulled me behind him, practically dragging me behind him. I had to use my reflexes and swat the branches out of my face as we made our way to the car. He opened the door and literally threw me in it. I rubbed my arm that was turning a disgusting purple color and swelling. I don’t know how much make-up would cover that bruise.

The vehement slam of the door snapped my eyes to him. He was pissed, but not as much as I expected. He didn't even yell at her, just put the car in drive and sped off. It took no time for them to get to the place where he parked. He stopped at a secluded part of the forest I didn't know. It was clouded by trees on the side, but in front it was clear and only the stars could be seen in front of them.

I should have known I would get caught out this late. But I didn't care. I didn't want to go home and deal with mayhem.

"What were you thinking, Desiree?" He questioned me. "You're eight and he's thirteen!" He sighed, resting his head on the steering wheel. "You told us you were going to Marcy's house down the street. How did you end up in the forest?"

I didn't respond to him. I lied, obviously.

"And this skirt," He took a handful of my black pleated skirt and ruffled it in his hands. "Did your mother tell you you could wear this? I'll have to talk to her-"

"No...No...I changed after I left the house."

He got out of the car and walked to my side. He opened my door and took me out, pushing me against the car. “So you think you're grown now?" He took off his belt. "You think you can go where you want," He unbuckled his pants. "And dress like you want." He opened the back door and pushed me in. "Well let’s see how grown you really are."

I felt my knees buckle as I went to the ground.

"Lyric," Trey said, holding my other arm in an attempt to hold me up. "Leslie!"

I felt myself being exchanged between arms and I felt people surrounding me. Not a good thing considering I'm highly claustrophobic.

"Desiree, Desiree do you hear me?" I opened my eyes, and it took all my strength to compose myself. I pushed her away from me, shocking everyone in the crowd. I held myself and rocked slightly. "Call an ambulance."

"No." I said, looking her straight in the eyes. "Call my Mom."