Our Burning Love-A Clato Love/Survival Story <3

Chapter 78: How I want to end it.

Clove's POV

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15 August 3114

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Sad hours seem long.

They really do, and for the past two days I have been a recluse. The only sounds I have made is a few whimpers in self pity.

The past two days have been spent taking shelter in a tree. I only climb down to search for my engagement ring or to look for food.

But by the time I have climbed down, I would be climbing back up again due to fatigue.

I let my mind wonder, and guess what it ponders on? My baby.

What will my baby look like?

Will he or she have Cato's blond hair or my chocolate locks? Will they have Cato's clear blue eyes, or my stormy grey ones? Will they be tall, or short? Will they be muscular or petite?

Will they be smart or, ehm, less smart? Will they be sporty or calm? Will they enjoy nature? Will they wish to train for the games?, I hope not.

Will they treat Nazera as their real sister or will they treat her differently? Will they love me? Will they think I'm a disgrace over going into the games, twice?!

The thoughts of having a child is so scary. I mean, how will I know if they're hungry, or if they're diaper needs a change? How will I know when to put them to bed a night?

Am I even a suitable mother?

For the first day of my life, I thought my mother was the religious preachers at the orphanage. Then, for three years, my mother was Elaine.

But when she passed, Madge was my new mother until I was sixteen. And when I was seventeen, I found out my mother is really Kitty!

Kitty, Zayn's wife. The Zayn who gave me free training and continued to do so for a year. They didn't even think of telling me, or helping me as I starved myself weekly so Roni, Kalen and Madge could have something to eat.

And then I found out that Zayn and a pack gang raped Nevaeh. Poor, innocent Nevaeh, Zayn is going to get it off me when I get out of here. I swear that I'll make him pay.

But in my seventeen years of living, I've never had a solid mother figure in my life. Tiana was more of a mother to me then the women who I was told was my mother.

I can't have a child. I have Nazera, but, that's different. I cannot physically bring this child into this harsh, cruel world.

It's better off in heaven with my father who raised me. He'd take better care of them then me.

I cannot have a kid. I kill kids. In my seventeen years of life, I have killed over a dozen people. Most are children.

I am a child. I'm seventeen, yeah but I'm still considered a child to the authority.

I rest my head against the trunk of the tree. I bite my lip as I pull my knees up to my chest.

The sun has scorched the whole jungle and everything is beginning to dry up and wither. As the sun sets, it leaves a beautiful iridescent sky.

The jabberjays have not bothered ne since that day with Gloss. It feels like centuries ago, but in reality it was only a few day ago.

I wish that Titus would just, ugh die. I wish I didn't have to trek into the jungle at some stage to try and find him.