Be My Reason (A Keaton Stromberg Fan Fiction)

Chapter 25

Hello guys! I'm on Christmas break now, so I plan to update much more frequently. My laptop is broken but hopefully I can get it fixed soon! Thanks to everyone that has been voting and commenting and reading, love you all.

Chapter 25

My head throbs with the realization that that was the possibly the last time I'll see Keaton. Ever. Of course, me being pathetic, starts to cry at this though. I wish I didn't love him like I do. This has become a mess.

I only wanted to see them in concert, but now here I am. It seems almost ridiculous that it has ended up this way. The short lived bliss I felt being with Keaton is now long gone. Now leaving me with a rotting heart and mixed thoughts.

How do I forget him?

Everything reminds me of him, everything. How does somebody recover from this.

My phone rings, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Hello?"

"Hey Rachel." Sam's voice speaks through the other line

"Oh hey Sam."

"Do you still want to hang out today?"

No.

"I actually can't.. I'm sorry."

"Oh it's uh it's alright." disappointment is laced in his voice but I shrug it off

"We'll do it another day, I promise."

"Okay sounds good."

Sam and I exchange goodbyes before I hang up the phone.

I don't know what to with myself, so I read a book. I start to read Looking For Alaska for about the 5th time, John Green's beautifully written words soothe my aching heart and throbbing head. I get lost and don't realize that I've read over 100 pages.

I really need to do something with my life.

So I get up and eat, even though I don't feel hungry. I now know that the only reason I don't feel hungry is because this hurt in my heart takes over every other emotion, every other need.

So I shove some food down my throat and fill it hit my empty stomach. I have overwhelming need to do something, what I need to do, I'm not sure.

So I go right back to reading until my head hurts and I'm on the last page. I just sit there and stare at it. And I feel the anger bubble inside of me.

Then I'm throwing the book. Then my pillows. Then my lamp. I watch as it shatters against the wall.

Then I'm crying, sobbing. Loud moans of pain flowing through my open mouth.

"Fucking hurts doesn't it? To be shattered." I say as if the shattered pieces of my lamp can hear me.

I cy until it hurts, a new pain. The one from releasing too many tears, the harder I cry the more it hurts. I cry until my eyes eventually close and I fall asleep.

~~~

Keaton's P.O.V

18 days.

18 days since I last saw her face. Since I laid down next to her and fell asleep with her in my arms.

"Wanna take a hit?" Ken asks me, handing me a joint.

I close my eyes and inhale, soon I will forget. Soon it won't hurt as bad.

But it will come back. It always does. I'm nothing without her, the short time I spent with her made me realize that. She was everything. She is everything. I see her in the sun, how dangerously beautiful it is, like her. In the grass, strong but fragile all at once, like her.

The way music comes in slowly then wraps you in fast, like she did to me.

I close my eyes and lift the brown bottle to my mouth, tilting my head back. Letting the alcohol fill my mouth, then swallowing it.

Wash away the pain.

Ken smiles at me approvingly. I hate that he makes me do this, all of it. But what I hate most is not being able to tell Rachel. But I can't I have to do this, no matter who I hurt. No matter what.

"So Wesley and Drew know?" Ken asks, breaking the silence of us smoking and drinking.

"Yep." I answer plainly.

"What the fuck Keaton!?"

"This is why you fucked up everything you had with Rachel?"

Wesley and Drew's angry voices fill my head, they weren't happy when they found out. They even threatened to break up the band. But I know they wont do that, music is too important.

"Have you talked to your dad?" I ask, remembering Ken's side in this agreement.

"Oh yeah. He says he'll book you guys with sweet gigs." Ken says taking another hit before passing it to me

The pain fades as I take a hit, then a drink. Then another... And another.

"Why can't I just tell Rachel?" The words slip out of my mouth

Ken raises and eyebrow at me

"You know why. She'll just set you back."

But really she was the only thing keeping me sane, keeping me ahead.