Be My Reason (A Keaton Stromberg Fan Fiction)

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

His lips are warm against mine, I try to shove him back and ignore the fire Keaton's lips bring to my body. I put my hands on his chests and try to push him away, he doesn't budge. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into him.

I try to squirm out of Keaton's arms, he attempts to open my mouth with his but I don't move.

"Rachel.. Please kiss me." Keaton says against my lips as he places them again to my mouth.

I push him back and he doesn't fight me this time, he moves away from me and faces the wall. He keeps his back turned to me and runs both of his hands through his hair. All I want to do is kiss him back, but I can't. I know that if I kiss him I'll be under his spell and I need him to know he's screwed up.

Keaton sighs and the room stays completely silent, it seems all I can hear is the thumping of my own heart in my ears. I watch as Keaton's shoulders move up and down, his breathing slows and is not as rough.

"I know this all looks bad." Keaton says finally, it seems the tension in the room has built up times 100.

I stay quiet and let him speak, I need to hear him out but he also needs to hear me out.

"That girl.. She's nothing." Keaton says, he's talking about the blonde girl.

"I don't care about her." I say and correct myself "I mean I do, but that's not the point."

"What is the point?" Keaton asks, he's still lookng away from me towards the wall.

"Keaton, please look at me." I say and when Keaton turns around I hold my breath. 

His eyes are red and it hits me that he was crying, a lump forms in my throat and I don't know what to say. Keaton breaks our eye contact and looks down, all I want to do is take his chin in my hand and make him look at me but I know I shouldn't.

"What do you want to know Rachel?" Keaton asks softly, his voice is sincere.

"Why are you keeping things from me?" My voice comes out barely audible and I'm not sure whether or not he hears me.

"I- I don't know what you mean." Keaton says, he rubs the back of his neck and I know he is nervous.

"Yes you do." I say and Keaton sighs, it almost comes out as a sob and my heart hurts for him. 

"I don't understand." Keaton says in a monotone voice

"Why didn't you just tell me you're hanging out with Ken again? That you're partying again? Why do you feel like you have to keep it all from me?" I ask, my voice getting louder with each question.

Keaton looks away from me and I can't stand that he won't look me in the eyes.

"I can't tell you." Keaton says, his voice soft.

"Why not?" I know I am pressing for answers but I can't let these questions go.

" I - I just can't." Keaton stammers, his voice is shaky and I'm certain he is on the edge of tears even if his eyes hold no emotion

"Then I'm leaving." I say trying to sound confident but my voice fails me.

Keaton snaps his head to me, his eyes are wild as they search mine. He doesn't try to show the hurt evident on his face, his wide green eyes watering.

"Leaving me?" Keaton asks , his voice is raspy and thick with hurt

I look away from him, I can't say this to him if I'm looking into his eyes. I choke back all my hurt and tears and say what I've rehearsed in my head.

"If you can't be honest with me, I - I can't be with you." I say, my voice breaking slightly.

"You can't leave me." Keaton whispers, I can't tell if he's speaking to me or talking to himself

"I have to if you are going to keep things from me." I say, I try to hide the hurt in my voice. 

I feel the tears come to my eyes and I try to choke them back. Keaton stays silent and when I look up he is looking at the ground. I suck in a breath and try to gain some confidence before I leave the room. Leave him, for good? 

My stomach churns at the thought of never being with Keaton again. I walk around Keaton and to the door, with my hand on the door knob I hold my breath and give Keaton a chance to fight for me. I want him to fight for me, to force his lips against mine again. But he doesn't.

I let out my breath and my heart drops, I open the door and hear Keaton whisper 

"I love you Rachel." 

I don't think he meant for me to hear it, but I did. I close the door behind me and I know I need to leave. My heart literally hurts, I guess that's how it is when it's broken. I force my feet to take me farther away from the door that Keaton is behind.

I walk into the living room, everyone is back to dancing. It's strange how I can feel so broken now and all these other people are having the time of their lives. I see Kylie and Alyssa on the same couch I had left them on.

They smile when they see me but their smile quickly fades away, I must look like hell. I see Jake sitting on a coach holding a towel to his bloody nose, I feel bad for what happened to him. I go to stand next to him sitting on the couch and his eyes light up when he sees me.

"Hey! Did you calm the little fucker down?" Jake asks and he laughs, my heart hurts just at the mear mention of Keaton.

"Yes. He's fine." I say and Jake's face falls

"Are you okay?" He asks, his eyes full of worry

"Yeah, I'm just going to leave." I say and Jake nods, he looks sad 

"Okay, well I'll see you around?" Jake asks looking at me expectantly

"Of course." I say pollitely, honestly I don't think I'll see him any time soon

"I'm sorry about everything." I say and Jake laughs 

"It's no problem!" He exclaims smiling at me, I nod at him. He's such a chill person.

"It was nice meeting you." I say, and it's true. It would have been even better under different circumstances..

"You too." He says smiling a wide smile at me

I wave goodbye and go over to my friends, they look at me with wide eyes

"Is everything okay with K-"

"Please don't ask." I say interrupting Kylie, I know if I talk about him now I'll end up crying.

Kylie nods and Alyssa looks sympathetic

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I haven't spoken to Keaton in 7 days. Every day gets harder and I don't know what to do anymore, I hadn't realized how much of my life was based off of him. Everytime something happens I get the urge to text him and I remember that I can't.

The pain in my chest has become a dull ache but nothings any easier. Keaton has dropped off of the face of the earth, no tweets, no texts, nothing. I wonder if he feels the same pain, of course he doesn't. 

His life was music and partying, I was just a mere page in his book and he was so much more to me. I wish I could be over him, in reality every thing reminds me of him. The color green reminds me of his eyes and the adorable way he would squeeze them shut and throw his head back when he laughed.

Every song I hear reminds me of him singing Blink 182 in the shower, how he would hum a random song and drum his hands on my thighs. 

All I do is hope that this screwed up mess will end, that someone will call. Or that this pain will eventually go away.