Lost Soul | Ghorror

Burden

Flopping down on the bed I grab one of the blankets that was folded at the bottom of the bed and wrap it around myself. I didn't even make an effort to remove my makeup or change into anything comfortable like I usually would. I didn't have the effort to even try anyways.

That comment that he made hurt me more then I think either of us expected it too. I don't think what bothered me was that it was true but that he threw it in my face like that. I thought he didn't care about all of this but I guess other wise now. We both know I don't work and he supports me and all but with him saying that though it made me feel like some form of a burden. It made me feel helpless. 

I start to hear Ricky walk up the stairs and towards the bedroom. I could tell he was trying to walk louder then he normally does. He was trying to give me a warning he was coming in here. Once I saw him appear in the doorway I turned over on my side, facing the opposite way of him and turning my back on him. 

I just wanted him to leave me alone for a bit so I could cool down. It's probably just not me that needs to cool down though, he does too.  This would be the best for both of us right now.

I heard him let out a heavy sigh before walking over to me and getting on the bed. He laid down behind me and I didn't even turn back to look at him, I was trying to give me a hint to leave me be but with Ricky that he wouldn't let that happen.

"Baby?" He ask me in a soft tone as he started to run one of his hands up and down my back in a soothing motion. "Can you please look at me?" He ask almost in a pleading tone that almost sounded heartbreaking to me. 

I slowly turn around to look at him and he looked so upset I couldn't help but launch myself into his arms and wrapping myself around him. I could tell this was what we both needed right now. 

"I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking about what I was saying. I didn't want to hurt you I was just upset and worried about you. I didn't know where you were and you weren't answering your phone at all. I'm so sorry." He said as he wrap his arms around my waist and held me close to him. He was speaking so financially trying to get all of the words out as fast as possible. 

I rested my head on his chest and I felt my eyes start to well up with tears a bit but I was able to hold them back.  I didn't want to cry right now I hated other people seeing me cry. I spent too many years feeling weak, I refuse to feel it right now. 

"I'm sorry I didn't even think about that. I hadn't looked at my phone since I left the house I was just so caught up with everything. But when you said that you made me feel like I'm a burden to you and that you think of me as useless." I said to him and m voice was trailing off at the end. I was slightly ashamed to admit I felt that way. It took a lot of me to be able to say that out aloud to him. 

He placed a hand under my chin, making me look up at him. "You will never be a burden to me and you're not useless. I was just angry and frustrated. I didn't mean anything I said." His voice was so gentle that I was finding it calming. He rarely spoke like this but when he did I almost just melted.  

"i'm sorry for not understanding that before. I should of let you explain yourself." I said sniffing.

He smiled softly at me. "No, what you did was the right thing, there is no need to apologize. The second you walked away like that it gave me a moment to calm down and understand what I was saying to you. If you hadn't of done that I would of just kept going. Plus you don't deserve to stand there and hear me talk down to you in that way. I'm the one in the wrong. Can you forgive me?" His voice seemed so broken it was strange to hear it like that. He is usually so powerful sounding but right now he was showing some vulnerability.

"Of course I forgive you. Nothing in this world that you could do would ever change that answer. Well let me rethink that because there is probably a few things you could do but that's not the point. I love you and I forgive you and for now on I'll answer my phone and tell you where I am so you don't have to worry."  I told him with a smile on my lips to let him know that everything I said was true.

"I love you too and that's all I want from you. I just worry and I don't like thinking that something bad could happen to you." He told me, brushing a strand of hair out of my face.

"Nothing bad will happen but I know the feeling. My heart would be breaking if I was in your shoes today. I pay more attention to thing like that for now on." I told him and he bent forward kissing me. I wrap arms around his next and turned us over so I was laying on top of him. He brought his hands onto my lower back, just holding me there. 

Pulling away from each other I rested my head on his chest and closed my eyes. He ran his hand up in don my back in a soothing motion and I felt myself relax into his touch. No matter what I know he has me and that thought alone makes every day seem so much brighter then I ever thought it could be.