Red Vs Blue Reader Inserts [COMPLETE]

78. Goosebumps (Sarge)

So, a 3 in 1. WOW! Head canon + 2 fics. I loved the first fic and head canon but I also wanted to give my beautiful requestii some more fluff! Different personalities in both fics. This turned out a lot longer than I thought it would also, I love writing head canon's (they're so easy to write and give me inspiration for new chapters). So if you want a head canon + a fic, don't be afraid to request.

Up next:

Grif

Washington

Felix

Words: 849

Characters: Sarge

Genre: Romantic, Comedy

© It would take a lot to make Sarge apologise (and admit his mistakes) and, even if he did, he'd only grumble out an apology.

© If you're in the wrong it would take a lot of kisses and cleaning (the warthog) to make it up to him. Abusing (preferably physically) Grif is a quick alternative.

© Sarge would not allow you on missions and, even if he did, he would make sure you're far in the back and safe.

© If someone continuously guesses his passwords, he'll just change most of them to your name.

© Movie night would include Citizen Kane and M*A*S*H with the occasional romantic movie.

© You'd have a cute drive in on his Chupababy.

© Refuses to let you hang out with Grif in case you catch his "insubordination".

© If you get kidnapped ("by those dirty blues"), Sarge would waste no time in creating a ludicrous plan to save you (one that obviously involves Grif getting hit).

© Sarge's kisses are very traditional. He gets very flustered if it's anymore more than a quick peck.

© Also gets embarrassed by PDA (especially in front of blue team).

© Not matter how many times you reject him, he will continue to ask you out.

© He'll either ask you out in a traditional way (a simple bouquet of your favourite flowers) or find an outrageous and confusing way (that somehow always involves Grif getting hurt).

"Church why did you give the rookie the fucking rifle?"

"What? I didn't give it to them!" Church, with Tucker trailing behind him, stomped up to your location (on top of the base). "Hey rookie, why the fuck do you have my sniper rifle?" A few seconds of nothing passed as you lied down looking through the sniper scope.

"I'm...scouting." You say without looking up.

"Scouting? What are you scouting?" You muttered out a "red base".

"I can see it from here without the fucking sniper file. Why exactly do you need it?" You said nothing to Tucker as you continued looking at red base.

"Rookie what are you-" Church stops, finally looks at the red base then realises what you're looking at, "You're staring at their sergeant's ass aren't you?"

"What? Noooooooooo. No. I'm not...I'm not staring..." You trailed off as you zoomed into a very, very important asset.

"Eww, he's like triple your age!"

"I'm not eight." You zoomed in a little more.

"That doesn't make any sense but," Tucker shakes his head, "how about you try some fresh meat? Bow chicka bow wow!" You don't say anything to Tucker as you continued to observe a beautiful thing.

"I wonder what it's like to be sarge'd." Tucker sent you a confused look.

"Sarge'd?"

"Yeah." You said dreamily. "He has a boner for murder, I have a boner for-" Church's eyes widened as he realised what you were going to say.

"STOP! NO! NO! NO! I DON'T EVEN WANT TO HEAR THE IMPLICATION BEHIND THAT!" Your dreamy smile turns into a stupid grin.

"He can double barrel in me anytime." Tucker and Church promptly started groaning and mutter phrases like "gross" and "stop".

"Jesus Christ rookie! That's fucking disgusting!"

Sarge wouldn't admit it, he hated to admit it or even think about it. If he were to tell anyone, especially Grif, he knew that they'd never shut up about it because red and blue just never mixed.

You always made him feel conflicted. You were a blue, a dirty blue, but you were also a poor defenceless little lady (in his eyes). So he wasn't sure if he was supposed to hate you or allowed to like you.

"Mr Sergeant sir." As an automatic reaction, Sarge held up his shot gun defensively.

"YA SCRUFFY NERF HEDER!" His shout turns weak the second he sees you and he lowers his gun slightly. "Ma'am, what do ya want?"

"Well, Mr Sergeant sir," you lift up a box from your hands, "Caboose is banned from eating cookies so I thought that maybe your team would like them."

"They're not poisoned are they?"

"I don't think they are sir!"

"How can I trust ya? You're a dirty blue!"

"Sir! My body may belong to blue team but my heart is only for red team!" As you said this you could only sweat as Sarge scrutinised you for a few seconds. His long and hard stare was broken by your words. "Glory to the red team! Extra glory to you!" That definitely got Sarge's attention (an approval) as he ushered you up.

"If these are poisoned, I will not hesitate to shoot ya." That was a lie, he'll probably hesitate or not shoot you at all.

You only smiled as Sarge removed his helmet and grinned even harder as he took a bit from the cookies you made.

"Well?" Still nothing as he continued chewing.

"These are good, did ya make them yourself?" You nodded. "It's a shame ya part of blue team, red team could use an amazing asset like you." Never had you wished you were part of red team.