Trepidation | Sitkolson [ C ]

Chapter 15 | Repeat?

I woke up to a calm and steady heartbeat from under me.

I frowned, but later came to the realisation that it was only Ryan. I wasn't worried about it. If anything, I was more calm. It felt nice to feel... protected. Yeah, protected. Though I didn't need protecting from anything or anyone, it was comforting to know that someone cared enough, even if it was the smallest ounce of care, to hold me in their arms whilst sleeping. It may sound weird, but it's not every day an eighteen year old can wake up saying that it feels good to be held by someone they're not even sure they can call a friend just yet.

I felt Ryan's hold around my waist tighten slightly, and his heart beat intense as the seconds passed.

"Ryan," I sat up and lightly tapped his face, "Ryan, wake up. Ryan."

I tried to keep my voice quiet, because I knew that Devin and Jenna were here, and having Ryan in my bed would only raise questions I'd rather not answer or even hear.

With a gasp, Ryan sat up, obviously not realising where he was and who he was with as he rolled off of the bed.

Biting back a laugh, I peeked over the edge of the bed, grinning down at Ryan.

"You okay down there?" I asked, still grinning.

Ryan opened his mouth to reply before my bedroom door was opened, causing him to quickly roll under the bed.

"Ricky?"

I looked up to a more than tired Devin, "S'up?"

He looked a little taken back, but let it go with a small yawn, "When did you get home?"

I shrugged, turning to the clock on my bedside table, "Around one."

"Oh..." He let out another yawn, giving me a small wave before turning around and leaving my room, shutting the door behind him.

It was more than obvious that he was tired. No doubt he woke up from Ryan's fall.

With a small huff, Ryan was back on the bed, instantly pulling me to him and closing his eyes.

"Alright," I chuckled, resting my head on his chest.

"Shut up," He mumbled, "You're warm, and I'm tired."

I smiled and closed my eyes, letting his calm breathing send me back to sleep.

| | |

Ryan and I were so deep in our sleep we didn't even hear the door open, but we did hear it slam shut rather loud.

Both of us sat up with wide eyes, looking to Jenna with worry.

"Jenna, I-"

She locked the door, stepping forward, "Ricky, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I couldn't leave him where he was, Jen."

Jenna shot me a look, "If Devin finds out-"

"He won't," I said, sitting in front of Ryan in a protective sort of way, "But I couldn't let Ryan stay there. Not when I have this sort of life. It's not fair."

"Ricky..." Jenna shook her head with a small sigh. I gave her my best puppy dog eyes, "Don't do that," She groaned, "Don't..." She looked at me for a few more seconds before sighing again, "Fine, but just know that you're on thin ice with this one. If Devin catches you two in here, together, it'll break him."

I nodded, "I understand."

As if she had just realised something, Jenna smirked, "You two looked rather close, and I know for sure it isn't that cold."

My eyes widened and my cheeks grew warm, "Get out, please."

Rolling her eyes, Jenna turned around, though her expression seemed to dim when she looked back to Ryan. She didn't say anything, but Ryan nodded at the look he received.

Jenna wasn't exactly against the idea of Ryan staying with me, but she did seem to treat the idea as if it was shattered glass and she was trying to find a way to cross it.

After Jenna left, I got up and locked my door, leaning against it with a sigh.

I had expected her to react like that, because she rarely ever got angry, but I just wasn't sure how Devin would react if he ever saw. Would he still be my friend? We may not talk too much outside of school, but I didn't want to lose the friendship we had built. The same can be said for Kylie and Josh. We may not talk every single day, but I didn't want to not be their friend over something like this.

"I can leave, Ricky," Ryan said, standing up, "It's not a big deal. Besides, if Ghost did find out, everything would change."

I never understood why he and everyone else called Devin 'Ghost'. Yeah, he was pale and quiet most of the time, but it was a rather strange nickname to have now. Maybe it was more personal than not.

I shook my head and made my way back to the bed, "It's fine. I'll figure a few things out."

With school tomorrow, figuring things out would be something I'd be doing more than I wanted to. If Ryan and I left at the same time, questions that I couldn't answer would be raised, and I honestly wasn't prepared for that. Maybe leaving before Devin woke up was our best option...

Ryan's eyes narrowed, "Why're you being so nice? After everything I've done these past few weeks, it should be me being nice. Why're you?"

I chuckled, "We both know being nice isn't one of your strong points. But I'm glad that you're letting me do this. If I asked you to move in with me three weeks ago, you probably would've punched me in the face."

Ryan shook his head, holding back a smile, "I was only acting like that because..." He frowned, cutting himself off, "This isn't right..."

Ryan's whole mood seemed to change. It was like a punch of realisation collided with his face.

"What?'

His eyes widened slightly, "I can't be here. If they see, we'll never... I forgot about them... I can't be here."

"No," I ran to Ryan and grabbed his hand, "What're you talking about? You can be here. No one's going to catch us, and... and if it gets too bad or risky, we can leave."

"It's not about that," He mumbled, shaking his head, "It's..."

I looked up at Ryan, confused, "Please don't leave... I know I'm not the easiest person to stay happy with and we've gotten in so many fights, but we're so close to working this out. Please don't go now."

Honestly, I didn't know what Ryan was on about. My words weren't even thought about before I said them, I just said what I thought would help him stay. Those words were chosen because they were true, though.

We had plenty arguments in our few weeks of knowing each other, mostly because of friendship, but now that we're finally going back to getting along, something bad happens. I couldn't help but feel as if it would happen every time.

Ryan pursed his lips, the worry within his eyes not leaving, "Okay..."

Call me a pessimist, but the only words that ran through my head as he said that were 'here we go'...