Adopted By 4 Idiots // 5sos

Chapter 42: Bad Decisions

malum and cake is alive right now and i'm overwHelmed

i started high school and it sucks woo

okay on with the chapter !

My lip trembles, I'm trying to force the words out but I can't.

"You don't have to, we can wa-."

"-No. I need to, I just- I don't know what's wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you, Tiffany. You're hurt. This is normal."

I glance at Charlie before looking back at the piece of paper before me.

I swallow harshly before opening my mouth again but nothing comes out once again.

"Would you like some water?" Charlie suddenly asks, distracting me from the problem at hand.

I sigh and nod, setting the letter on the coffee table and leaning back against the couch.

Reading the letter was hard enough, reading the letter out loud was impossible. I had the words on the tip of my tongue and yet I couldn't force them out no matter how hard so tried.

"Here you go."

I thank my therapist before grabbing the glass of water from his hand and taking a sip, relaxing at the coldness of it.

It was morning, I texted Dave where I was and that I was safe before doing the same with Dylan.

When Charlie found me it was six-am and he had to cancel all of his morning appointments which I feel really guilty about.

He told me they were all meetings but it feels like he's lying so I don't feel worse than I already do.

I rest the water on the coffee table as well when I'm finished, making it a noticeable distance away from the letter so I don't accidentally get it wet.

"Okay, feel better?" He asks me, sitting back down in his chair and grabbing his paper to write stuff down.

I nod before grabbing the letter and holding it in front of me.

I take a deep breathe once again as I close my eyes and try to stop my heart from racing so much.

"Dear Tiffany,

hey it's me, well duh you knew that. wow i'm so nervous right now and i'm not even gonna be here when you- never mind. i want to say i'm sorry, but i can imagine you getting mad at me for that so instead i'm gonna say, you made me really happy. you were my best friend without all the stress of feeling like we had to like each other because of how close we were. that's so annoying. none of this was your fault. i know you're gonna blame yourself for this but why? how was this your fault? you didn't hand me the noose, you didn't make me tie it to my ceiling fan, you didn't make me end my life. you made me want to live and at one point it felt like that was enough. but it wasn't and you could've changed that. i'm so grateful that you're someone that i had in my life. i never thought i would find someone like you but i did and it sucks that i couldn't be the same for you. do you notice i'm trying not to use the word 'sorry'? you did everything you could. you deserve to be happy even though i wasn't. you deserve to live even though i'm not. you deserve to move on even though you don't want to. you can't base your life around my death, make this my last dying wish lol, please for me,
make sure you continue to live
i'll see you again, you know we'll see each other again
i love you
i'm sorry
for everything
i promise i'll never let you go.
-andrew".