Wings | ✓

13. a scream

i didn't realise the screaming was coming out of my own mouth until effy the nurse and greg told me to stop screaming.

by the way, i wasn't screaming for no reason, and i was screaming at a reasonable time, which was during midday. i wasn't screaming at night and disrupting other people's sleep, so i was a little confused when greg said ava, you're unsettling the other patients from your screams.

the other patients never had a problem screaming during midday whenever they were in pain, so why couldn't i scream too? i think this is what discrimination is called. that's a fancy word i learnt from one of the story books that they gave me for my birthday and i think this applies.

anyways, it wasn't as if i was screaming to disturb the others on purpose, and it wasn't like i was really even screaming on purpose. i just kind of did after they made me take the purple pill that they found under my bed, when the nurses were tidying up my room like they do every month or two.

i don't remember much about what happened right after taking the pill, i just knew that it hurt a lot and when i became conscious again i was already screaming.

i also got scolded by greg for not taking my medicine and i felt really bad. i don't mean to be bad. i had a friend and my friend didn't want me to take them so i couldn't take them, could i? but i couldn't tell greg about my new friends and he couldn't understand why i couldn't take the medicine and he became really, really angry. he asked me if i was trying to get myself killed, but i didn't understand because i don't wanna die and i wasn't trying to do anything but make new friends.

anyways, i was a little confused afterwards because the purple pill wasn't like poison at all. in fact, after greg and the nurses left, i regained the feeling in my fingers and i had enough strength to wiggle my toes! it was a little strange because the voice told me it was poison but it doesn't feel like it or taste like it, i think.  

i felt rejuvenated and a little more energetic and i was excited for hav to visit at night because i thought i'd be able to stay up all night, for sure. and i was going to share with him how much this purple pill helped and i think it might even help him because no medication ever made me feel like this before.

i ended up waiting all night for hav to visit, but he didn't. and i was a little disappointed.