Find The Beauty Within: The Pain and The Struggle

I Love You

  "a photograph of a woman crying tells me nothing about grief. or a photograph of a woman ecstatic tells me nothing about ecstasy. what is the nature of these emotions? the problem with photography is that it only deals with appearances." -Duane Michals

dinah pov

I could tell she didn't like talking about her past. she instantly went stiff upon hearing my words. I felt bad because if it was as bad as mine then I need to show her that I love her no matter what happened.

"mani, I'll still love you regardless."

I watched as she exhaled a deep breath before looking at me straight in the eyes. they weren't the eyes that I love . they were completely filled with black . it scared me because never have I ever saw Normani's eyes get that black. I put my hands on top of hers and gave them a small squeeze.

"promise me that you won't leave." she whispered.

I brought her hands to my mouth and gave them a kiss. I let go and pulled her close to me, kissing her forehead.

"you're staying with me even after you heard my past. I'm never leaving after I hear your story. I have let you go before and that was a mistake. I promise to stay with you forever and ever."

she gives a small smile before taking a deep breath again. we can get through this together .

"my life was pretty normal when I was growing up. it was until my mom wanted to file for a divorce. because of that, my dad decided he wanted to get full custody of me. he ended up winning and no one understood how except for the fact he claimed Andrea was unfit to raise me on my own. at 12 years old, I was stuck with my dad, a drunk, that blamed me for my mother filing the divorce..."

she stopped talking and began to cry. I pulled her close to me once again and rubbed her back in comfort. she wipes away her tears and I knew that this wasn't the end. something told me that I wasn't about to like how it's going to end. I just know that maybe she got raped. i hope she didn't.

"everytime he got drunk, he would hit me and apologize when he sobered up. me being 12 years old didn't know any better and I kept this to myself . then one day, my dad was supposed to pick me up from my friend's house but he didn't show up. so I ended up walking home by myself late at night. at 14 years old, I was walking through the streets of California when a man came up and groped me. he was about to rape me until a girl named ally and her dad helped me out. they were walking around getting ice cream when they saw me. she's been my best friend ever since then. transitioning to my preteen years, I watched my dad drown himself in alcohol just to escape his problems. as a result, I became accustomed in doing the same exact thing."

she started to cry again and it broke my heart watching her. I just continued to hold her close to me as she fisted my shirt into her hands.

"I love you so much mani. I'm sorry that you grew up like that. you didn't deserve those things . just please don't drink because of me. like I don't want to lose you."

"I promise that I will stop drinking. you are my everything Dinah and I don't ever want to lose you because of it. I just drank to get rid of the thoughts of you. I felt like I was betraying zendaya because I thought of you when I should've been thinking of her."

"you don't have to worry about drinking to get rid of me okay? we'll have each other and we can work this out. just you and me. think about our future that we're going to have together."

for the first time since today, she laughed. it was music to my ears and I missed the sound of it. I gave her a small kiss on her lips before staring into her eyes.

"no matter what life throws at us, we will be together and go through life together. we will learn to get over our past together and even though we can't forget , we can move on. you can continue to help me through my insecurities. I'm still trying to love myself just like you do."

"it took me years before I could finally believe it. but you want to know something?"

"hm?"

"from the minute I saw you, I knew from that instant that I wanted to spend my life with you forever. even though we kept hurting each other, there was still a thought in my head telling me that I need to fight for you because you are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with."

"really?"

"yeah, like you were just this mysterious woman that I wanted to get to know because I knew you had a past. I just didn't know it. I'm glad that I know now because I can help you. I can help you get rid of the insecurities you once had and turn them into confidence. you're my world Dinah. you light up my days when I'm surrounded in darkness. I'm lost without you. I need you in my life. I want you to be my wife one day. I want us to have a family together. I don't ever want to lose you because of me messing up."

"you don't mess up, I do."

"Dinah, stop. we're both at fault. you shouldn't be hard on yourself. you're beautiful just the way you are and everything about you is just amazing ."

"how did I get so lucky?"

"the question is how did I get lucky? I have this beautiful girl talking to me. God blessed me with you and I'm so happy we met. even if we met by me taking a picture of you not knowing that my flash was on. it was a beautiful picture too but because you didn't like it, I deleted it. I sacrificed a good picture for you. I didn't know you but yet I obliged to your demand."

I began to cry hearing Normani's words. she was being so nice to me. how in the world did I get so lucky to have her in my life? I thank you God for blessing me with her. she lights up my day . she wipes away my tears and kisses my lips. I smile against them as we began to fight for dominance. I ended up winning but I knew she let me win. I gave her small kisses after our intense make out and kissed her nose.

"you're beautiful." I whispered.

"not as beautiful as you."

"lies."

"it's not. I'm just saying the truth. one day you'll be able to see it like I do."

"I love you mani."

"I love you so much more."

A/N: praise simba for Normani's backstory . I love you so much simba . you are literally bae and I know we break each other's hearts when reading the chapter. I just want you guys to know that it broke my heart when I wrote Dinah's backstory. I had to make it tragic enough for her being really insecure about herself . she went brought a lot as a kid and meeting normani helped her. so basically normani was an angel sent from the heavens to heal a broken girl like her. I'm sorry if this wasn't good enough but I tried to make it good. -nala💙