Find The Beauty Within: The Pain and The Struggle

We're Done

Normani's POV

"If a photographer cares about the people before the lens and is compassionate, much is given. It is the photographer, not the camera, that is the instrument." -Eve Arnold.

    A slam to the face. That's what I received when I went to visit her. Was it something I was expecting? No. Did I deserve it? I don't know. Maybe flaunting my relationship with Zendaya wasn't the smartest idea, but I was under the impression that Dinah no longer cared for me in that way. So I wasn't sure what I had done to deserve that. All I wanted to do was check up on her and maybe hang out. That's what friends do, but apparently Dinah didn't want to see me.

I don't recall a time I felt as angry, betrayed, or hurt than I did in that moment. If Dinah hadn't broken me before, she definitely did then. We were fine for a year. A whole year we were perfect, and in time, I had gotten over her. She was my best friend, along side Ally, Lauren, and Camila. Zendaya and August were my world, and together, I felt as though we were a small family. I went to Dinah for anything, just like I would Ally. And there was never a time she pushed me away, never a time she made me feel as though she didn't want me around anymore. But the door to my face had been a clear indication that for some unknown reason, Dinah had enough of keeping me around.

I don't know why I didn't see it sooner — why I didn't expect it. It wasn't like Dinah hadn't shut me out before, like she hadn't broken my heart. I just thought that we had gotten over it. I thought that we were finally in a place where there was no pain, like we wouldn't hurt one another, but I was wrong.

The worst part about it all, was that I didn't hate her as much as I should've. In truth, I wasn't sure what I wanted from her anymore. Part of me wanted always wanted her around, but the other part couldn't handle anymore heartbreak from her. But I knew I had to choose.

"Babe," my girlfriend called to me. "I'm heading out now. Tell Ally I said hey, will you?"

The tall model like woman came into the living room, her now two year old son balanced on her hip. I stared at her for a moment, drinking in her beauty before meeting the hazel eyes I loved. They were warm, open, inviting and full of emotion. One look in her eyes and I could see all the love she held for me as clear as day.

I smiled, moving off of the couch to where my two favorite people stood. I wrapped one arm around my girlfriend's waist, and leaned forward to place a quick, tender kiss on her lips. "Will do, babe. I love you," I told her. "And I love you, too, munchkin." I placed a kiss on the crown of August's head, laughing when he giggled sweetly.

"I love you more," she responded, and as always, my heart rate tripled in speed. I wanted to hear her say those words to me forever, because I knew she meant them, and I knew she'd never hurt me.

"Not possible," I told her just before the door closed.

When she was gone, I got myself together to leave to Ally's apartment. Even after all this time, it was still weird to say that, as being back there brought back so many memories. I smiled a bit to myself, thinking of the older girl that was my best friend. I had missed her after not seeing her for about a week, and I was definitely looking forward to spending time with her.

    I checked to make sure everything was fine with the house before opening the door, revealing Dinah with her hand in mid air. She backed up a bit, shocked to see me, as if she had completely forgotten I lived with Zendaya.

    "H-hey."

    I scoffed, turning to lock the door before brushing past her completely. "Leave me alone, Dinah," I grumbled.

    "Can we just talk?" she pleaded. "I need to explain...to apologize..."

    "After two fucking weeks?" I yelled, spinning around to face her. "I texted you for a week straight, hoping you'd respond, but you left me hanging. And then other week passes and I don't hear shit from you, Dinah Jane! So what do you need to explain? How being friends was your idea and now you're taking it back? After a year might I add!"

    "I-I...Mani, I..." she stumbled over her words, making me shake my head in disappointment. Of course she had nothing to say.

    "Fuck you, Dinah. I fucking trusted you! I trusted you and broke me! Not once, but twice! So fuck you and save your bullshit apology."

    I looked at her with pure anger coursing through my body, but I was more than sure that both of our hearts broke with my next words.

    "I never want to see you ever again. I...I hate you, Dinah."

    I heard her gasp, and the tears in her eyes made my heart break even more. This was it. Things were done for good between the both of us, and it was all because I couldn't control my anger. All because I let her get the best of me. The truth was that I didn't hate her, but in that moment I did, because I hated how she treated me. I hated that she was able to walk around and act as if she had never harmed me; as if she had never played with my heart like it was Play-Doh. I hated that I didn't have an affect on her. That I couldn't make her smile like I used to, that I couldn't make her blush like I used to. But most of all, I hated that I cared that I couldn't do those things anymore. I hated that she didn't want me. But she was never mine despite the fact that I was her's, and I understood that.

    "I'm sorry, Mani," was the last thing she whispered before leaving me on the porch, feeling as if I had been cut of all my air supply.

    She left me. Again.

    A/N: Hello my little lovelies. How are you guys liking this so far? I hope you guys pull through the pain we've got so far because we have so much in store for you all. Love you.
                    -Gabby aka Simba