Find The Beauty Within: The Pain and The Struggle

We Need To Talk..

"you don't make a photograph just with a camera. you bring the act of photography all the pictures you have seen, the books you have read, the music you have heard, the people you have loved." -Ansel Adams

Dinah pov

I finally had the one I've always wanted. she had come to the airport just to stop me from going back home to Georgia. I had to call the girls and tell them I wasn't coming. they were devastated but soon cheered up when I said that I'd come to visit with my girlfriend so they could meet mani. they were ecstatic. after we left the airport, I drove Lauren's car because she wanted sleep and mani decided to take Camila with her. we went to the house and I had to unpack all my things again. I internally groaned as I carried Lauren up to her room . I wasn't groaning because of Lauren but because I packed up for nothing .

well.. I take that back . it wasn't for nothing because I have normani again. that's all I ever wanted in life and now that I have her. I will never let her go. I feel bad for zendaya because she was cool and I just took her girl. she did nothing but treat normani with respect like she should be. I did my best to stay out of their relationship and to know that I caused a rift between those two killed me. zendaya didn't need this hurt especially not by me.

"Dinah?" normani asked, taking me out of my thoughts.

"hm?"

"can I ask you a question ?"

I nodded as she grabbed my hand and led me towards my room. once we entered, I followed her to my bed. she took a seat and I followed suit. I could tell she was nervous. oh no, is she about to tell me that everything was a lie just to get me to stay?

"no, it's not a lie. Dinah, stop freaking out. listen to me."

I couldn't form any words so I sat there with my mouth shut and waited for her to speak again. she took a deep breath before she looked into my eyes, holding my hands in hers.

"what are we? are we official or what?"

"I-I don't think we can be official as of now. like I want to be with you but you and zendaya just broke off the engagement. I want us to date when the time is right . so that means we're going to have to wait awhile. would that be okay for you?"

"anything for you. I'll give you as long as you need."

"mani, I know you're disappointed."

"not necessarily disappointed. sad , yes. I've been looking forward to the day that I'd actually be able to call you mine to find out that you think we should wait."

I let out a loud sigh before laying back on my bed and pulling normani closer. her head rested against my chest as she cuddled into my side. I gave her a light kiss on the head before securing my arms around her .

"I'm not saying that we won't be together but I think we should give it time. zendaya still needs time to sort all this out. you did leave her for me. I think that's cute and all but keep in mind that you hurt her. be sensitive about this. I know she wants you to be in her life because August is so attached to you. whether it be as friends or whatever, you deserve to have her in your life. she was cool enough to let you stay my friend and not get jealous. she treated you better than I did."

"you won't treat me like you did before right?"

"of course not. I realize I'm in love with you and I'm not screwing that up. I need and want you in my life, mani. you have constantly been running through my mind . I couldn't push you out because somehow somewhere, you always come back and plant yourself in my brain. I didn't mind but you had a girlfriend turned fiancé and I had to stop thinking about you. I wasn't able to because no matter how hard I tried to think of something other than you, I always had you running through."

"you were always in my mind too.. like I had a girlfriend and all that but you were always there.. I couldn't drink my problems away."

"drinking doesn't solve things.." I said, flinching at the memories that seemed to flow through my mind.

I quickly got up, unintentionally pushing normani off me harshly. I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. I could hear normani step towards the bathroom. I pulled my legs to my chest and rested my forehead on my forearms.

"Dinah, please talk to me. was it something I did?"

"I'm okay." I manage to say without my voice cracking.

"I know that's a lie. open this door please. we need to talk about what just happened."

"I don't want to talk about it. I've tried so hard to forget everything in the past and I don't know if I can relive it again. especially since we just got back together even if it's not officially . you're still mine but I don't want my past to mess up what I want to have with you. my past is really bad and I don't know if you're going to want to be with me after you hear it."

"d, it can't be that bad. I know my past is bad but it's probably better than mine."

"no, mani. this is something I don't like to relive . Lauren and Camila had trouble getting me out. my past is the reason why I've become so insecure and it took me a little bit before realizing that I shouldn't be insecure because of my past. that doesn't define my future . I'm not letting my past come back and haunt me. I won't let it define who I am today ."

"you overcame your insecurity. I don't know how but that's a good thing because you're finally letting yourself be open to others. you're not constantly bringing yourself down. you deserve to see the real you and that woman there is the most amazing person you'll meet. you'll see it one day and I can't wait for it."

I get up from my current position and slowly open the door. just a little tiny crack. I could see her face staring at me. I instantly looked down and opened the door wider. she immediately engulfed me in a hug. she kissed my neck before burying her face in it.

"I'm sorry."

"please don't drink anymore. I don't want to experience something traumatic again."

"I will. you'll know my every location. I'm not screwing it up this time. I swear I won't drink again. if I have the urge, I'll come to you."

"normani, I don't have time if you do it again. like that's the one thing I will not take you back for. if you drink again, you have officially lost me."

I felt her grip onto my tighter and her body fluctuate. sobs started to pour and my heart broke hearing that. I had made her cry once again.

"it's not that I have a drinking problem, it's just I only drank to get rid of my thoughts from you."

"so you wanted to stop thinking about me?" I asked, hurt.

she quickly made a face and shook her head. her arms flailing in motion with the shake of her head.

"it's not like that! I was with zendaya and all I could think about was you. Dinah, please."

I just stayed quiet as I broke away from the hug. I brushed past her and sat on my bed. back against my headboard, legs stretched out. I stared off into space as I felt the bed go down, indicating she was sitting on the edge of the bed. I looked up to find her staring into my eyes. I tried to resist getting lost in her chocolate brown orbs.

"can you tell me about your past?"

A/N: it's late over here and I'm sorry . but I hope you guys are happy since we finally made norminah happen ! we already put you through hell by having mani be with zendaya and then Dinah with Kehlani. I hope you enjoy this book. also being a junior sucks 🙄 but it's one more year closer to graduating high school. -Jesselle💙