Find The Beauty Within: The Pain and The Struggle

The Proposal

  "photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. what you have caught on film is captured forever... it remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything." -Aaron Siskind

Dinah pov

she left me, crying. she told me that she had felt nothing as we fucked. I may have been the one to say "fuck me" first but she obliged. she wanted to do this so this wasn't just my fault . we were both at fault for this. I decided to fix myself before leaving to go find the girls . just as I found them, I heard zendaya say the one thing that I didn't ever want to hear.

"Normani Kordei Hamilton, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife? I've been planning this for awhile now and I realized that on my 23rd birthday, I wanted it to be special. I want you to know how much you mean to me and how happy it'd make me if you say yes."

I pushed through the crowd to find zendaya on a bended knee along with a ring in the box in her hand. normani had her hands covering her mouth. I'm pretty sure I saw tears flow down her cheeks. unbeknownst to me, I was holding my breath. I could feel myself get lightheaded as I awaited for the answer normani was going to give. my heart started racing and zendaya was still smiling.

"yes."

I instantly felt tears come down and I rushed out of the house. I could hear Lauren and Camila calling my name but I ignored it. I ran out of there and I didn't care that I was in heels. tears coming down faster and I can't see anything. I stopped upon feeling my heels sinking. I wiped away my tears and realized I was at the beach . the very beach where I met her. this place has so much memories and I never brought Kehlani here. i wanted it to be the only place I go with normani and with my girls. anyone else didn't touch foot here with me. this beach changed my life that day and I don't want to ever forget it. a beautiful melanin woman fought for me. she captured a photo of me here.

"what are you doing here?" a voice asked.

I stopped breathing and cursed at myself. why was she here? shouldn't she be with her fiancée? she didn't need to be here.

"why do you care?" I asked, harshly as I bit down on my lip.

"I care about you. I know that I hurt you but that didn't mean anything . it was a mistake and we were both out of it."

"mani, it hurts when you said that it meant nothing. you were my first! I can't take it back! I regret asking you to fuck me when I knew you have a girlfriend turned fiancée."

"your first?" she asked, shocked.

"YES ! my first!"

"you're lying. you did it with Kehlani."

"I didn't. the farthest we've ever gone was taking a bath together. I wanted to save my virginity for someone special ."

"no, this can't be. please tell me this isn't true." she pleaded, as tears starting to fill her waterline.

"you were my first normani. I can't change that and now you're getting married. I hope you're happy with it. I hope the guilt sticks with you. knowing you fucked me while you were still with zendaya. the guilt will eat me up but I won't be here anymore. I'm going somewhere that I won't be reminded of you every time I go out. I'm not about to watch the woman I love marry someone else. I'm not going through that heartbreak. you were worth it to me but I didn't realize it until I stopped being insecure. you made me feel better by telling me things like I was beautiful and all that. have a nice life mani. I hope she's everything you want in life because I know I wasn't."