Find The Beauty Within: The Pain and The Struggle

The Truth

Normani's POV:

"When people ask me what photography equipment I use—I tell them my eyes." -Anonymous.

"Can you tell me about your past?"

Dinah tensed, her body ridged as she took in my question. I was scared—very much so—but I knew it was time. It was time for both of us to reveal why we're we're broken people, in order to work on helping each other. I knew Dinah was scared to uncover her demons, rightfully so, but there was nothing that she could say to change my mind, not after all that I had seen. All that I had lived through. I wanted her—nothing was going to change that—and I was going to have her.

"Mani, I..." she trailed off, her eyes searching mine.

"Please?" I tried. "Please, Dinah...if you really want us to be together, we have to do this. We have to let each other in."

The Polynesian Goddess continued to stare at me for a few moments before she finally relented with a small nod. "Okay," she breathed. "Just...just don't make any promises you might not keep."

I knew what she meant, but I also knew I wasn't going to leave her. I needed her. "Dinah, I'm not-" she raised an eyebrow, immediately silencing me. She truthfully didn't want to hear me say it, at least not until she told me everything.

"I don't know where to start..."

"From the beginning," I coaxed gently. "I'm right here." I grabbed her hand in mine, smoothing a thumb over the ridges of her knuckles. In truth, I was sure who I was trying to calm, her, or myself.

Dinah took a deep breath, closing her eyes to steady herself. "I was born Georgia, spent ten years of my life there," she began shakily. "M-my...my d-dad, he...he was a drunk..."

Her eyes met mine, searching for my reaction. I was petrified for where this story would go, but I kept quiet, squeezing her hand as a means of comforting her.

"He would"—she winced, as if she were living back with him, so I squeezed her hand again—"He would d-do...things t-to m-me. He w-would h-hit me, or t-touch me...in...p-places."

My breath hitched in my throat, and I had to mask a wince of my own as my own memories flooded back to me. "I didn't...I didn't know. I asked him—a-asked him if it was n-normal, and he said it was. So I didn't do an-anything about it."

She breathed through her nose, looking as if she was in physical pain. I wanted to stop it, wanted to tell her not to tell me anymore, but she had to continue—we both did. If we wanted to be together, we had to be completely honest.

"Mom found out about it," Dinah chuckled bitterly. "She didn't do shit. She just...she let it happen...every single fucking day, Mani.

"School wasn't any better. They pushed me around, made me the laughing stock, the school's joke. They took pictures of me and photo shopped them onto horrible things, posters calling me a slut. T-they took advantage of me...and I didn't have Camila or Lauren by my side."

"Where were they?" I asked, speaking up for the first time.

"Camila's mom and Lauren's dad split up, so Mila was moving to California. Lauren decided to go with them because she never really knew her mother. They ended up moving back in with Mike for awhile, to spend time with him."

Dinah scoffed as if she remembered something. "It was just my luck," she mumbled. "They moved back, but we weren't in the same school. Anyway, the, um...the night before they left back to California...I-I was home alone...with D-Dad and he..." she paused, closing her eyes as tears streamed down her cheeks and my heart broke at the sight.

    "Dinah," I whispered, moving to cup her cheeks. I brushed her tears away, biting my lip to fit my own. "You don't have to..."

    "Yes I do, Mani," the blonde breathed. "I want you, and if this is the only way...I'll do it."

    I couldn't help but smile a bit, even during our messed up conversation—she just had that ability. She wanted to tell me, for us, and that made me beyond happy.

    "I love you," I whispered. Her own smile graced her features for a second before it dropped into a frown.

    "Let's just hope you say that after you know the whole story," Dinah mumbled bitterly. "I was home alone with him, he was drunk—not that he wasn't always drunk," she scoffed. Her body was shaking as she recounted the memory of that night, and I wasn't sure if it was due to fear, or anger. Maybe both.

    "The usual touching...it—it was worse that night. He took it too far, Mani."

    I swallowed harshly as I understood the severity of her words. Her own father...her own father raped her.

    "It hurt, and I cried out, but he didn't listened. And every time I b-begged him to stop, he h-hit me and k-kept going."

    Somehow, she was in my arms, both of us sobbing together. I couldn't understand how a father could do such a thing, or how an angel like Dinah could've suffered such pain.

    "H-he told me he would k-kick me out, let me be homeless i-if I didn't shut up. And when he was done, I just...I shut down. I didn't talk, barely ate or drank, didn't sleep." Dinah shook her head on my shoulder as if to clear her mind. "My parents started to neglect me, and my siblings had no idea what was going on, hell, I barely had any idea.

    "We ended up moving to California because they wanted to be closer to family. I got lucky, though. We ended up moving next to Camila and Lauren. They didn't judge me when I didn't speak, didn't force me to. After a few days, my father started hitting me again, and I locked myself into the bathroom to escape. That was the first time I cut. The blade was there, and I took it, and when I cut, God I felt better," she mumbled.

    "I felt alive for once." Dinah pulled back to look at me, her expression changing to look of horror and guilt as she took in the tears on my face. My heart ached for her, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't understand how she was telling me everything that was going on without completely breaking down. She was a warrior.

    "I was only ten, Mani. Ten. And I was cutting myself. I wanted to die, Mani. A kid, I was just a kid and I didn't see a place in the world for myself. It got so bad that Lauren and Camila finally confronted me about everything and I exploded," she told me. "I told them everything and they've been by my side ever since. Anyone else left me, and that's why I'm so scared, why I'm so messed up. You deserve so much more than I can offer you."

    I shook my head, wiping my eyes. "No one is better for me than you, Dinah Jane. You're the only one I want. You've had such a horrible past, but I want to be the one to give you an amazing future."

    I clutched her close, holding her face with one of my hands. Her warm eyes were wide in astonishment. Had she really expected me to leave when I was so in love with her?

    "I love you, Dinah," I whispered. "And I'm not going anywhere."

    With that, our lips meant for the millionth time, burning with an intensity and passion we had never felt before. I only wanted her, and I was making sure she knew that. We only wanted each other, and we were finally going to make this work.

    Dinah leaned her forehead on mine, staring deeply into my eyes and saying the one thing that made me gulp harshly.

    "Tell me about your past."

    A/N: Shit that was intense asf oh my god. Dinah's backstory was created by the one and only Nala, and she did a great job at breaking my freaking heart. Lmao, love you bae. -Simba 💜