Find The Beauty Within: The Pain and The Struggle

I Love Her

    "I...I can't," I whispered, looking at my feet, my back still facing her.

    She moved around so that she was standing in front of me. She cupped my cheeks, forcing me to look at her. "Please don't leave me," Zendaya pleaded. God, she was making it hard, and my  chest caved in when I saw her tear stained cheeks. "Please."

    "Daya, I..." My words were caught in my throat. How could I break her? How could I be so cruel? But how could I let Dinah leave?

    "You love her," she breathed. The hazel-eyed beauty let out a choked sob. "I knew it."

    I watched as she shook her head, backing away from me. "I knew it...I knew...How could I have been so stupid?"

    "Please don't," I begged. I wanted to reach out, to comfort her, but I knew I no longer had the right. "You aren't stupid. I am. I am so, so stupid... And it's not that I don't love you, because I do... I just..."

    "You're just not in love with me," Zendaya finished. "You're in love with her."

    I stood quiet, but there was no need for words—my silence was an answer enough.

    "I'm sorry," I finally said.

    "I get it," she told me. "I can't force you to love me, but I can't stick around to watch you love her."

    "W-what are you saying?"

    "I'm saying I need time. I'm saying please don't look for me. I'll be around, but I won't be in your life. Not until I'm ready... And I don't know when that might be."

    While I was shocked that she wasn't freaking out or screaming, I was hurt because she was walking out on me. It was hypocritical to say, but I couldn't help it. I wasn't going to leave her life, she was too important. But I understood. I had hurt her, the same way I hurt everyone else. I didn't deserve her.

    I nodded, stray tears slipping down my cheeks as I pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm so sorry," I whispered one last time before I moved to say my last goodbyes to a sleeping August. My chest ached with guilt as I took in his sleeping form. I wasn't just letting one person down—I was letting two people down—and that crushed me as much as it would crush them.

    My things were still in her home, but I couldn't worry about them at the moment, I had somewhere I needed to be. And although my body ached to comfort Zendaya, my heart ached to chase Dinah. So I slipped out of the door and ran to my car. I was praying that I would make it, praying that she'd still be there by the time I had arrived.

Time seemed to pass in a blur, and before I knew it, I was rushing to buy a ticket for any plane in order to make my way to Dinah. Thankfully, I was able to make my way through the airport security without having to wait for an eternity, and I was running like I wanted to win a race.

I heard the first call for her flight, and pushed myself even harder, shoving a few people aside just to get to her. I spotted her blonde mane as she leaned forward to capture Lauren in a hug. "Dinah!" I shouted.

Her head turned around, looking in the wrong direction, but she shrugged it off, turning to Camila. "Dinah Jane!" I tried again, running faster. It seemed as if I was going nowhere.

She turned around again, still not meeting me. With a vigorous shake of her head, she said a final goodbye to her best friends and turned to enter the plane. But I wasn't about to let her go. With burning lungs, I pushed myself forward, lunging at her arm. "Dinah Jane Hansen are you fucking kidding me?" I gasped.

Dinah turned around with wide eyes. "What are you doing here?" she asked harshly.

    I took a few moments to steady my breathing before I straightened myself up, grabbing hold of Dinah's hands. "I've hurt you," I told her. "So many times-"

    "Yeah, I get it, Mani," she snapped. "I don't need a reminder."

    "Dinah," I stated, trying not to lose my patience. "Please just shut the fuck up and listen. I've hurt you, and I know that, but you don't know how guilty I feel—how fucked up I feel. I never wanted to hurt you, I told you that, but I did. And for that I am so sorry, and I will spend an eternity wishing I could take it all back."

    I paused, gauging her reaction. Her eyes were still wide, mouth hanging open slightly, cheeks red from embarrassment. I was causing a show, but I didn't care. "From the moment I saw you, I knew you were different. I wanted you; wanted you like no one else before. And we had our ups and downs, hurting each other equally; but what I did and what I said crossed a line.

    "But it was a lie Dinah. That moment with you meant more to me than you could ever imagine," I whispered. "It was everything I could've ever wanted and more. But I was scared that you would hurt me again, and I you, so I pushed you away. I said things I didn't mean."

    Tears were streaming down my cheeks, but Dinah looked as if she were holding hers in. "Dinah I...I love you. I'm so in love with you that I hurts...but it also makes me feel more alive than I ever have before. I couldn't do it. Couldn't go through with marrying Zendaya, when I know that my heart belongs with you.

    "I love you. And I know that now. I'll shout it from the rooftops so everyone knows, I'll get on my knees and tell you over and over again while I kiss the ground you walk on... Just...just don't leave me please, Dinah. I need you, more than I've ever needed anyone. Please don't go home. Stay with me, please. Give us a shot."

    Dinah's mouth opened and closed multiple times before her tears finally broke free. She grabbed me, pulling me into her chest, and my body sighed the minute it collided with hers. Being in her arms felt like home, and I never wanted to leave.

    "Y-you mean i-it?" she sobbed. "You l-love me?"

    "More than anything in the world, baby girl," I whispered, pressing a soft kiss to her neck. "Please don't go...we can work this out; you and I. Together."

    She pulled away, and for a minute, I thought she would say no. In fact, I was prepared for it. I didn't deserve her; no one did. Dinah was too good for the world. But apparently, she didn't want anyone else but me.

    "Together sounds nice," she chuckled lightly.

    "Yeah?" I whispered, earning a nod. "How does forever sound?"

    Instead of a yes, Dinah pressed her lips to mine for the second time, and my body exploded at her touch. Our lips moved together in synchronization; like they were meant for one another. Like we were meant for one another. Nothing else mattered but her in that moment. Not Camila and Lauren, not the flight, not our past, not the small cheering crowd—none of it.

    She was the only thing that mattered.

    Her answer was the only thing that mattered. And she had just agreed to be mine for the rest of our lives.

    A/N: It smells like Norminah. Sorry for the late update guys, I was celebrating my brother's birthday yesterday. Hope this chapter makes up for it. Love you all! -Simba. 💜