Find The Beauty Within: The Pain and The Struggle

She Loves Me

    "I mean it. I just...I got so jealous because even if you can't see it, you've got some kind of hold over Normani, and I'm petrified that I'll lose her to you."

    A hold? Dinah didn't have a hold on me. Did I care about her? Yes. Did I love her? Platonically, yeah. But she didn't have a hold on me.

    "Are you serious?" Dinah asked. She wasn't being rude, she was genuinely curious. Zendaya gave no verbal response, so I assumed she nodded.

    "She's crazy about you," I heard Dinah whisper somewhat regretfully. "You're the best thing for her and I wouldn't jeopardize that. No matter how much I love her, I would never want to ruin what you two have."

    "You mean that?" my girlfriend gasped. "But why?"

    "Because she deserves all the happiness this world has to offer. You two deserve one another, and I know you'll make her happier than I ever could."

    "I'm so sorry, Dinah..."

    My girlfriend's voice began to fade as I backed away from the door. Dinah loved me? She loved me and she wanted me, but she wasn't going after me? If she loved me, why had she gave up on me? We could've made it work because I lo—I liked her more than I've ever liked anyone. I just didn't understand.

"It's rude to eavesdrop," my best friend Ally teased lightly.

I spun around, shooting myself into her arms as I began to cry. I couldn't understand why I was crying, or why I felt so torn about everything that I had heard, but I did.

"Oh, baby," she cooed, backing us up toward my room. Once we were inside, she took me to the bathroom and shut the door. "What happened, Mani?" she asked as she stroked my hair.

"D-Dinah l-loves m-me..." I hiccuped.

Ally's eyes widen for a second, as if she had been caught doing something wrong. She looked guilty, and I knew why — she knew. She knew Dinah loved me, and I was sure Lauren and Camila did as well. I was the only one who couldn't see it, and I guess that was because we were always hurting each other, only further proving that we were toxic for one another. Only further proving that I should stay with Zendaya, and that Dinah deserved better.

"You heard her say that?"

    "Y-yes."

    "So why are you crying?" Ally whispered.

    Because maybe I love her, too. Because maybe I don't. Because I'm confused and all I wanted to do was kiss her just five minutes ago. Because maybe she never stopped being my everything.

    "Bec-cause it's a b-big shock," I said. "I j-just n-never really t-thought she l-loved me because she h-hurt me so m-much. You don't hurt w-who you l-love, Ally."

    And I had hurt Dinah, which meant I couldn't love her, right? Because if I did, hurting her would never be something I'd do. If I loved her, I wouldn't have told her I hated her, I wouldn't have put us both in the hospital. If I loved her I would've been more careful, I would've tried harder...I would've fought for her. But I didn't.

    Because I didn't love her.

    "Just because you hurt each other, doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Even the people with the purest intentions make mistakes and can hurt others," Ally told me.

    That was true. But that didn't debunk my theory. Dinah had ignored me on purpose, had left me hanging for weeks just to "dump" me on purpose. It wasn't an accident. She knew what she was doing, yet she did it anyway; so how could she love me when she had knowingly hurt me?

    How could I love her when I knowingly hurt her?

    "She knew what she did, Ally," I mumbled. "She knew it would kill me, but she still did it. Does that sound like a mistake? Like an accident?"

    Ally shook her head. "No. But you heard her say it, why can't you believe it?"

    "Because she's never proved it!" I exploded. "Not once has she ever proved to me that she even liked me in the slightest! I was the one always doing all the work, and I know I hurt her, but I had good reason to! And now that I've moved on, and that we thought we almost lost each other, she wants to confess her love for me? And not even to me! She was never going to tell me, Ally! That's why I can't believe it."

    "Well you should believe it, because she does," Ally stated, crossing her arms. "Now...do you love her?"

    Maybe. "No. I'm with Zendaya. I love Zendaya. My love for Dinah is strictly platonic."

    Keep tellin' yourself that.

    A/N: Fun fact; Nala and I surprise each other with our chapters. We're basically reading this book just like you guys are. Lol. I read her chapters when she posts them, and she reads mine.