Find The Beauty Within: The Pain and The Struggle

Mistake ?

I sighed defeatedly as I slowly walked to her bed . she patted the seat next to her and I started biting my lip again . I wasn't sure if I should do it or not . after a couple minutes of debating, I finally took a seat next to her .

"I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." I said, almost inaudible .

"I'm not sure if I heard you correctly but if I heard it correctly , I don't know what I'd do without you . do you know how worried I was when I heard Camila calling me crying ? I was so scared that you could've died ."

"but I didn't ." I whispered , flinching at her harsh tone .

"you could have, Dinah ! I have told you that you are beautiful– that you mean something to me . how could you do this?"

"your words cut deep into my heart. I couldn't get them out and the fact that you said that you hated me , that hurt mani . those harsh words you said to me kept repeating and I couldn't get them out of my head no matter how hard I tried. you broke me– just like I broke you."

I got off the bed and stood in the corner with my back facing normani. I crossed my arms over my chest and felt tears come. I hated feeling weak especially in front of mani. I felt like a weakling.

"Dinah-" normani said, wrapping her arms around my waist.

her head leaned against my back. her arms tightened as her body shifted closer to me . my breathing began to hitch and I knew normani knew . I could feel the smile curl on her lips against my back.

"I still have that effect on you , I see. look at me."

I let out a defeated sigh before turning around to face her. my face stained with wet and dry tears. nose as red as Rudolph's. I tried to look away but she had her hands on my face and kept them facing her. I had the urge to just kiss her but I resisted . she wasn't mine and I sure wasn't hers. she has zendaya . she doesn't need me.

"what do you want?" I asked, quietly .

"what is up with you and zendaya?"

"I don't know. just one day when I was hanging out with you, she just happened to be giving me a mean look. everytime she sees me with you, she just gives me that dirty look."

"she's still iffy on the situation. you're my- uh ex and she's not fond of that."

"it's not like I'm trying to steal you away from her. I can see that you're happy with her than you were with me."

I tried to get out of her grip but her grip tightened and I wasn't able to move. she ended up backing me up into the wall. I gulped down harshly and looked down at normani. I had no idea what was about to happen but all I know is that this won't end well. if what I think is going to be happening , happens then I have absolutely no control over it.

"you were my everything Dinah. I sacrificed so many things just to be with you. I still took pictures while I was with you but the ones I wanted to take were going to be of you. you made me want to cry, laugh, and rip my heart out with the things you do. you are so beautiful Dinah and I can't believe you would harm yourself. I still don't know about your past but one day I hope I'll be able to hear it."

"if you knew, you wouldn't want to be with me."

"I have told you that I wouldn't care about the past. I wanted you because you were mysterious to me . you rejected me a couple times before actually trying it out. it may not have lasted long but those were the best moments I ever had. I would want to be with you even if I knew your past. I wanted to build something with you."

I watched as her eyes averted from mine to my lips then back at my eyes. she wanted to kiss me but she resisted. I could tell because she bit her lip and that's something she rarely does . I only saw it was when we were together and she kept looking at my lips . she bit her lip to prevent her from kissing me because she didn't know what I'd do but then she'd look away and talk about something else. how I'd do anything to just feel those lips on mine.

"why me? why did you pursue me?"

"the moment I saw you , I was instantly mesmerized . I knew that I wanted something with you so I tried . it ended up with you rejecting me but we always ran into each other somehow . the fact that no matter what place , day or time it is, I'll always run into you. just seeing your beautiful face makes me happy because even if you can't see it , I can see so much beauty from your face and everything about you. so I don't care about what happened in the past but I'd love to have a future with you."

"mani, you have zendaya . she's your girlfriend . something I wasn't because we couldn't make it official . I didn't let it because I was scared . I was scared of the day that you lose all feelings for me and leave . it kills me watching you with zendaya but at the same time it makes me happy because she's treating you exactly how you deserve to be. I wouldn't have been able to do that for you . so I hope you are happy with her. I hope she gives you all the finer things in life that I couldn't give you. I hope she reminds you every single day that you are beautiful and you shouldn't change a single thing about you because you're beautiful just the way you are . you deserve everything in the world and I wish you two the very best ."

I pushed her away and was about to open the door when it opened, hitting me in the face . I fell to the floor holding my nose with normani right beside me . I could hear her asking if I was okay but all I could do was stare at zendaya. she didn't look apologetic. it's like she's been meaning to do that to me. she gave me a smirk and I stood up .

"I did nothing to you so why do you act so rude towards me ?"

"I can see how you look at mani. stay away from her because she's mine."

"YOU ALREADY HAVE HER !" I yelled before pushing her out the way and leaving the room.

I felt like crying but I decided not to. I wasn't about to cry again. I did that way too much today and I don't have the energy to do that. I go back to my room to find Lauren and Camila asleep. Camila stirred and I stopped moving . her eyes opened and she began to stretch . when she spotted me , she instantly attacked me with her koala hug.

"Dinah, are you okay?"

"my nose is bleeding . so what do you think?"

"cheechee , who did this to you?"

"zendaya opened the door and hit me in the face . when she saw me, she was smirking . I asked her why she kept staring at me when I did nothing wrong to which she said something quiet but loud enough for me to hear then I screamed at her and left ."

"you should get some rest but let's clean you up first." Camila said, as she led me to the bathroom.

zendaya had no right to be jealous. she had a goddess in her arms . I didn't . I let her go and I regret it deeply. as for me and normani? I don't know where we stand. if we're still going to be friends or not . that's something we probably won't talk to each other about . she'll tell me to just pretend that conversation never happened because she'll realize that zendaya is the one she wants to be with for the rest of her life. if she's happy then I'm happy even if it hurts so much watching her love zendaya.

A/N: simba is breaking my heart with her chapters . but I hope this makes up for the sadness and no norminah romance . you got a little something something from me . I have school and I wanted to make it long to make up for me not updating . I was going to update yesterday but I got caught up in something else and I couldn't finish the chapter . for those of you that read the chapter when it came out , I apologize . I messed this chapter up and I had to fix it . I'm really sorry about this so I hope you guys enjoy this new version of the chapter.
-Nala💙