Sora & Fumiko

Chapter Twenty-Four

Usually when I was finished working I would be tired but tonight I felt restless.

I was sitting in bed, running a hand through my hair at all the things that were going through my mind.

Why am I thinking all this?

I ran my fingers along the sheets that were thrown across my legs before pulling them away and slamming my hand hard against the wall.

Frustration and irritation clouded my vision as I breathed heavily and looked at my bruised knuckles. I couldn't help feeling angry at myself for the thoughts I was having but I was even more upset because I knew I should've been more worried about Fumiko's health like the day before. 

Whenever I closed my eyes flashes of Fumiko painted my mind;

Her hair, her smell, her eyes. Every detail intensified the more I thought about them.

The only one I desired was Fumiko, my mind picking away at me each time I tried not to think of her, my heart racing with each thought.

***

I later woke up drowning in sweat and totally unaware of when I'd fallen asleep. My heart spiralling out of control whenever I remembered the way Fumiko's legs were pulled apart revealing her underwear.

I can't say at that moment if what I felt was right or wrong but I began wishing that I could see her that way again for all the wrong reasons.

My hands shook as I ran them over my face, My desires growing so uncontrollable and wild that if I were to see her at that moment I don't know what I would've done.

I closed my eyes and shook my head at my unclean thoughts but that didn't do anything to calm my pulsating nerves, my head feeling flurried from all my muddied thoughts.

But still I couldn't stop thinking about her.

I eventually had to run from my bed and into the shower as everything became too much for me, so I tried to wash it away.

As I lathered the soap over my body under the cold sting of my shower, my heart raced as I began imagining Fumiko there.

I wasn't sure how but the cold water suddenly felt hot against my skin as my imagination intensified beyond the grasp of any form of control.

When I finally stepped out of the shower, dripping wet, tense and weary, my heart was still racing uncontrollably. I couldn't stop thinking about her no matter how hard I tried.

I felt mad at myself and mad at my thoughts but I was unable to do anything. The growing desire around me feeling sinful and wrong.

Why can't I stop thinking these things!

I had always been able to control what I felt; my worries, my sadness, my fears, even my own happiness but when it came to Fumiko I was helpless. I had no strength to keep back my desires and longing for her.

I felt bitter and hurt by my own thoughts, ashamed and worried about my actions but at the same time still thinking of her.

"Fumiko" I whispered to myself.

At the sound of her name my heart began pounding with an uncontrollable urge. My chest feeling heavy as I drew hard breaths, my thoughts feeling guilty and sinned. I fell back on my bed, my head spinning with confusion.

"Why?"

I asked myself in the silence of the room, my own voice nearly echoing off the wall.

Why?