Find The Beauty Within: The Pain and The Struggle

Why Her ?

  "photography is the only language that can be understood anywhere in the world." -Bruno Barbey

Dinah pov

it's been a year since zendaya asked normani to move in with her . a whole year. it's hard for me because I'm watching my love live with her girlfriend . I put on a fake smile and tell her that I'm happy but at times I can't even tell if I'm lying . I'm so used to faking everything that it's suddenly something that I'm used to it . I can lie straight off the bat and have no hesitation . Lauren and Camila scold me for it but I don't care . I can't be genuine anymore . not after what I did to normani. I am more confident about myself than I was before because  normani helped me figure out that I shouldn't be insecure. that everyone has flaws whether it's their body or not .

I still can't believe that I let a beautiful talented woman like her slip away from my fingers . I kept pushing her away after she tried to fight . my insecurities are not an excuse . I blamed everything on my insecurities when in reality it was actually me that caused it . I went into the relationship knowing that I wouldn't be able to be with her . I led her on. I was the one that destroyed her . she didn't deserve that . she deserved pure happiness and I'm glad she's getting it with Zendaya . she's treating her well and that's all I could ever ask for . normani doesn't deserve to be treated like how I did . that wasn't cool and I admit that I made a mistake .

for the past year, I have been trying my best to move on like she did but I can't . I won't . I love normani and I can't accept the fact that I need to move on. my brain and my heart don't want to do it just yet because maybe there's a chance .

"you know for someone that is in love with normani, you don't even attempt to make a move." Camila asked, leaning against my doorframe.

"what do you expect me to do ? she loves zendaya and I can see that . I can see how happy she makes her and how zendaya makes her happy. she's being a family to them and I won't ruin their happiness for my own selfish needs . they both need it ."

"you also need happiness Dinah . you can't just stay in the house like before . you have to get out and meet new people . be more confident about yourself . you'll find someone but if you don't then you don't . it's not a big deal. all Lauren and I want is you to be happy and yes , I know it hurts watching the one you love being with someone that looks lovingly at her . it's something you're not used to and you'll end up getting used to it that your feelings for her will stop."

"I don't want my feelings for her to go away. I want her Camila , it's just I don't know what to do. she has a family and yeah , they're just dating but to my eyes, I see more than that . I see an actual family . I never had a family until you guys came along . you were the ones that helped me in my troubled days . if it wasn't for you and Lauren, I wouldn't be here . I probably already killed myself because the pressure was too much for me to handle ."

"you need to stop . like I hate when you get like this . I need you to be the strong , independent , confident woman we know you are. you put a smile on your face and you walk tall . don't let what anyone says tear you down . you just be you and anyone that has a problem can answer to me or Lauren ."

"okay." I said , genuinely smiling at her before hugging her .

when we broke the hug , there was a ring echoing through the house , indicating someone was at the house . Camila mirrored the exact expression I had on my face: confusion . who exactly was here and why ? Lauren was out doing some shopping with ally . mani was hanging out with zendaya so who could it be ?

"let's go check it together ?" Camila asked, unsure .

I nodded my head and followed her down the stairs . we didn't have a little peephole on our door so we actually had to open the door to see who the person is . my hand shook as I reached for the door knob . Camila put her hand over mine and told me that she could do it but I shook my head and put my hand on the door knob . the person standing before me completely and utterly shocked me . I was not expecting it to be her . she was supposed to be with someone else . she wasn't supposed to be standing here right now with me .

why did it have to be her ? what was the point in this ? I ended up slamming the door in her face and broke down crying . Camila held me in her arms and tried to make me feel better . I didn't know what to do . my heart was hurting and seeing that person before me made it break ever more . why am I such a mess ?

A/N : guys I'm really sorry that it's short but I've been stuck on this chapter . I also didn't want simba to help me because she has other books to work on and I'd feel like a bother . but I hope this was good and that you enjoyed the first chapter of our second book . there's more angst and hurt to come but I promise that if you stay with us then you will love the ending of what's about to come . I'm not going to spoil too much but I love you guys and we appreciate everyone reading , voting and commenting on our first book .
      -Jesselle aka nala