Erase me | Alex aiono (DISCONTINUED)

15

[ warning to the people who can't read sad stuff or triggered with self harm or the mention of self harm and suicide! There will be another warning when the part comes up

Previously

" Ariana.. I.. I love you too! " he sounded weak and worried about me over the phone and I couldn't look at his face if I was face to face with him, all I know that it would kill me and I'm not ready to die knowing i hurt him and i couldn't do anything to stop him from hurting! " please.. Don't leave? " he spoke like a question, like he though I was leaving him.. Oh how it killed me, him thinking I was leaving him.. I wanted to make him happy and I don't need him to be hurt like I am right now.. I just needed to do what this guy said and maybe I would be better! This would all go away.

" I'm not leaving you! I need you to leave me.. Find someone else Alex! Please don't come looking for me or ask for me! " I spoke softly saying goodbye, I hung up before he could text me again.. I left him on read as he typed so many text into one telling me ' no' or ' don't go please ' and after that ' I love you so much! Whatever is going on we can do it together '  then ' I'm sorry I wasn't good enough to make you happy, I love you ' there was more, but it killed me to reply and beg him to find me or ask for me if this went bad

But I couldn't keep this up! I couldn't keep him at risk, not because of me! Oh no!! I couldn't watch him be in pain and I know he's in pain and I know I hurt him, like I didn't want too..

[ end ]

Ariana pov
I still couldn't believe he though I was leaving him, I wouldn't leave him and I never would.. We have been throw everything together! For gods sake he's my other half and my rock! He makes me who I today! He's given me so much hope and happiness and I can't thank him enough for that! It makes me happy knowing I can wake up to him making my dads and never having someone else mess it up! No girl st my school can get in the way of him and me, yeah a lot of them like him and have a crush on Alex, because they see Alex aiono the famous youtuber who sings colors of songs and made his own aionomas cd for Christmas, they think of him as a famous person and wanting to get in his pants,

But me I think of him as the amazing guy, who texted me three years ago before he started YouTube and got famous! Alex saved my life! I'm glad I messed up on my moms phone number and he answered for me! I remember it like it was yesterday not three years ago..

[ trigger warning ]

[ flashback ]

I was done with almost everything, I was done crying my eyes out at night and crying at school in the bathroom feeling empty and alone! I needed to live, running away was not my option because sooner or later they would find me, blame me yell at me. If I died they wouldn't be able to yell at me because I would be dead and wouldn't be able to hear them at all.. I couldn't do this, I hope they understand, even though they didn't in the beginning..

They.. They didn't know I was hurting, they didn't even care when I told them I wanted to die the first time I felt it, they called me crazy and told me to get out of my head and to stop felling selfish, the second time I felt like that they called my parents and undressed me in the doctors office and asked why I did this to myself, they ask me " why so deep? " and I didn't answer them, just shrugged and ignore there stupid questions.

the sixth time I told them I didn't feel any different and I tried to cut my wrist open and I sowed them the deep gash in my arm, my wrist, it was open and cover up with a wrap and all my bracelets, they called the ambulance and called a mental hospital, told me to get tested.. They said I had depression, told me I had anxiety and panic attacks, told me to get medication for it... That really needed too, but the worse thing was those pills never helped me, they made me feel worse, made me feel numb.. I didn't like the feeling.. I just had enough and had to do it.

Mom:
Hi mom, your not home and I didn't want you to come home and found out this way.. I don't want you to be mad at me, I don't want you to cry and drink, don't want you to blame yourself because it's not your fault! It never was mom! you tried and I tried! oh how I tried so hard! I tried since I come forward and told them I tried to kill myself for the first time in 7th grade, I know this will hurt you, but I have to do it.. I just have too, everyday I walk a battle feld, everyone has guns and I have only one shield, they broke throw and destroyed me.. I couldn't keep trying anymore, no one understood how I felt, it's hard.. People go throw what I do, but they never truly know how I feel.. They killed me mother, they broke me down since 7th grade, 8th grade was by far the worst thing they have done to me in a year, they broke me into a million pieces and I can't be put back together no more, I tried for you.. I cut myself 40 times today, 10 at school when they threw my head agents the lockers, then they locked the doors to the p.e changing room and turned on the hot worker and punched me, held me down there with the water, it burned me mom, I cried and screamed out for someone and no one came and helped me, they got me up and saw how red my body was.. They laughed at me and called me strawberry.. They got my close and put a hole in my underwear and put it over my head, they called me captain underwear and told me to save the day in my swim suit, they took videos and photos.. They laughed at me more and more.. They ended up throwing me on the floor and kicking me, punching me.. I was bleeding mom, I was bleeding soo much.. I kept crying out for someone and no one came.. I felt like I died that day, they threw me outside the locker rooms where the boys locker room was and a bunch of guys came out with cameras they video taped me bleeding, red and wet.. They laughed at me.. They pushed me, they told me it was a punishment for something I never did.. Then this kid came, he was one of the high school students who come to help out the middle school kids, he punished people away and I though he was helping, but he took my towel and pushed me down, he got on his Knees, I pushed myself back scared.. I held onto myself to cover my bear body in my swim suit.. He ripped my strap my, right strap and he kissed me on the lips, I moved my head away and he pushed it back agent the glass shelf box that held the awards in, he kissed me again and I moved away, he slapped me and I hissed in pain, I cried for you again and you never came no one stopped him mom, he pulled my swim suit off, told everyone to shut up, told them it would be a blast to have sex with a little kid.. I was 13 mom, it felt like he ripped myself open, I was bleeding down there and I was crying out in pain.. I cried so hard and no one helped, they left me there in the locker room, he throw my towel at me and told me to be a lady and cover up, to clean after myself.. I begged the two boys and girls who found me on the floor like this to not tell anyone, they promised, I begged them to never bring it up or help me clean up.. They promised and told me it would get better, but it didn't feel like it mom.. I had to cut myself after that, I felt like a slut.. I had no emotion, I was damaged and numb.. I was broken.. I love you mom and this is not your fault, I love you but I have to do this.. I'm sorry.

[ Ariana sends the text ]

[ flash back over ]
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I'm leaving it at this part because I don't want to make it a big trigger.. Sorry if this is sad, I didn't mean to, it's just for the story. Also sorry that I haven't posted in three days, I started school two days ago and I have been busy.. Schools cool I have arson tenth grade ela teacher! He's great! :)) one last thing! Thank you for 2.28K guys that amazing!