Consumed By Love (on hold)

Chapter 43>>>

People do crazy things when they're in love.

Theo's POV

Sitting in the passenger seat of Shai's car, as she drives me home after bailing me out. We sit in silence, she hasn't even looked me in the eye since she picked me up.

I breathe in and let out a deep sigh. Leaning my head back on the seat, I look at her. "Shailene, I--"

"Am a complete and utter moron? Yes you are." She snaps, looking straight at the road not even sneaking a glance at me.

"I'm sorry okay, I am." I say running my hands through my hair.

Shai shakes her head, "What were you thinking. What the actual hell were you thinking?!" She yells, and I'm actually convinced she may punch me in the arm soon. Her anger is that bad.

"I didn't go thinking we were going to get in a fist fight alright. He wanted to talk to me, I met him and he just came at me." I try to explain to my very stressed and pissed off girlfriend.

"A few punches I can understand, but you were on top of him just beating his face up! Smacking him around like he was some type of dummy." Shailene sighs. He sort of is a dummy, I think to myself.

"I just don't get why you didn't try and walk away, instead of getting yourself arrested for gods sake!" Shai says, lifting one hand slightly then slamming it back down on the wheel.

"He kept saying things that made me--"

"Don't even use that excuse. He's been doing that for weeks now, and you were never slapped into handcuffs then. This isn't different, it was just a breaking point."

"Exactly a breaking po--"

"Nope, I did not just give you an excuse, or say that it's alright. You wouldn't have met that breaking point if you had stopped talk to him, or walked away." Shailene raises her voice again.

Running my hands over my face, I let out a breath. "I don't know what you want me to say here, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got arrested and called you to pick you up. I'm sorry I lied to you, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry." I say, my own voice becoming louder.

"I'm not apologizing for beating him up though." I add.

Shailene is silent, not responding to what I just said. Until she parks back at the apartment parking lot not getting out.

"I don't know what I want to hear I guess. Because you shouldn't have to apologize for something that you don't think was wrong. But I just--" She sighs and that's when she faces me.

And the emotion she holds in her eyes is worse then anger, or betrayal. It's disappointment.

"I wish you would've told me that he asked you to meet him. I wish you had asked me to come along. I wish that I was there to stop you. I wish I could send him away."

"I'm just disappointed." Shailene says before getting out of the car and walking into the building. Sighing, I just heard the thing I was expecting but desperately didn't want to hear.

I'm not sure how long I sit there in the dark, and eerily quiet car, before deciding to go up to the apartment.

Opening the door I would usually set my bag and keys down, but Shai had to take those things.

Sighing at how quiet the apartment is I make my way to the bedroom, where the one sound I hear are the sniffles of the girl I disappointed.

Closing the door and slipping off my shoes, I sit on the edge of the bed. Shai's dressed in a navy sweatshirt--my navy sweatshirt-- and grey shorts. Her hair on top of her head in a bun, and a crumpled tissue in her hand to dry the flow of tears she's crying.

"Baby, I am so sorry." I whisper, my voice almost in a pleading tone. My heart aching for the way I've made her feel, and seeing her cry over something I did... is the worst.

"I love you." She sniffles, the crying making her voice sound different. Shakier and more vulnerable. And honestly this was the last thing I was expecting to hear.

"I lo--"

"No. I love you." Shai repeats, looking up at me with her reddened eyes and stained cheeks.

"I love you so much that... that I look at you right now and I almost forget that you just beat a man half to death and went to jail."

I move to sit beside her on the bed, shoulder to shoulder and my hand soon finds hers. My thumbs rubbing softly over her hand, letting her know I'm here but still giving her space by not holding it like I want to.

"I love you so much that it hurts me to be angry with you, to want to hate a part of you." Shai expresses.

"My love for you... makes me weak. It makes me want to do the most drastic things because I love you. From wanting to get a restraining order against my ex, to throwing myself in front of a bus if it were between you or me. I choose you, over and over again I choose you. I choose you over myself and over everything else in my life. That's how much I love you." Shai says, looking up at me through her damp lashes.

Biting my lip, I can't help but feel selfish in some small way. That all this time her love for me is greater than anything in her own life, any of her hopes and dreams. What kind of man does that make me to allow her to feel that way, and to let her think that way?? I want her, I want her love... but I want her to have a life. I want her to chase the impossible.

"I choose you too. But I don't want you giving things up in life just because--"

Shailene cuts me off, taking my hand now. "But that's the thing. It's not just the outside things of dreams and wishes for the future... it's inside me. You're inside me!"

"What do you mean?" I whisper, the feeling of her warm hand in mine making all the difference in this one simple moment.

"It's like... It's like I'm infected. Infected by you, Theo James." Shai laughs.

"And it takes over my body, I mean I can barely sleep. I can hardly eat, and when I'm around you I just want to burst into flames. And I love you. I love you every minute of everyday, and I can't even tell you how much... how much I feel like this is all some dream I'm still waiting to wake up from." Shailene explains to me, her hand sliding up to cup my cheek. Her fingertips running over my skin, sending chills through me.

"Because how... how do you find an explanation for something--something so beautiful and perfect-- that you yourself can't even explain?? I don't understand why it's me? Why this is my wonderful reality. But it is. And I love you." Shailene shakes her head, as one more single tears runs down her cheek.

Whispering out "I love you" one more time too.

"When I met you... I didn't know that I was broken, I didn't have a clue that there was a piece of me missing. But there was, I was like some misfit puzzle missing the last piece." I say, my thumb wiping away any last trace of that tear.

"And then you came along and you were my missing piece. You put me back together, you were what was missing." I say, and Shai smiles up at me.

"I love you. I love you more than you could ever possibly think."

Snuggling into my chest, listening to my beating heart Shai soon drifts of to sleep. I can't blame her, with the day I put her through and the emotion running their course in her.

This conversation tonight-- these confessions-- opened my eye to things I didn't know I was missing.

The way she described how she felt I infected her... makes me realize that maybe we're each other's drug. Our addictions are one another... and just like any pill or drug there's a danger that comes with it.

A hazardous consequence... but for now we'll enjoy that craving of pure pleasure. The feeling of euphoria as we continue to fall deeper and deeper into this addictive love.