Consumed By Love (on hold)

Chapter 4>>>

It's hard to pretend you love someone when you don't, but it's even harder to pretend that you don't love someone when you really do.

Theo POV
I have to hide them, keep pushing them down and away from my head. My feelings for her, my thoughts of her, they all have to hide. My mind may be able to shield her away, but my heart will always be open and vulnerable to her.

The bell brings me out of my thoughts, as her class arrives. I don't see her yet but I can't look for her, I can't. "Morning Mr. James." One of the girls walking in says.

"Morning Mary." I say and give her a smile. She honestly annoys the crap out of me, but I smile at her because I know it pisses her boyfriend off. It's a small plus for me. More and more pile into their seats, taking their materials out and getting ready for class.

"Is she alright though?" It's her voice, filling the classroom and most importantly my head. I try to shake the sound of her out, but that fails. The bell rings another time, telling everyone that class is beginning. I step from behind my desk, and move to the middle of the room.

"Morning Ladies and Gentlemen." I say and some return it with a 'Good Morning'.

"I've written down some questions I'd like you to answer up there on the white board." I say pointing to what's behind me. "I want to know what you think and what you come up with." I explain and allow everyone to get a notebook and pen out, and begin.

1. Is it worse to fail at something or never attempt it in the first place?

2. If you could choose just one thing to change about the world, what would it be?

3. To what extent do you shape your own destiny, and how much is down to fate?

Those are the questions and I watch as they get started. I watch as their mind start to turn on, and they have to think about them. Then my eyes land on her, her head down and writing fast. It's amazing to watch her work, the way she is so into what ever the assignment is.

She looks up and I don't have enough time to look away, her eyes match right up with mine. She looks at me for seconds then looks down, and even from here I can see the pink rushing to her cheeks. I look away too, and open my laptop sitting in the corner of my desk.

I have to keep my eyes from drifting away from the screen and onto her. It's hard though, to force my head to stay down and my eyes to stay focused on the words in front of me. It's an urge, and now I can understand the struggle addicts have. It's hard to stop once you've started.

I see that they've had twenty minutes so I stand up and make my way to the front again. "Okay.. Who'd like to share for the first one??" I ask.

I pick on one of the boys in the farthest rows, named Evan I believe. "What's your answer and then reasoning?" I ask him.

"It's better to fail at something. Because then you know that you're not good at it, or that it isn't for you." He says and I nod. "That's good." I say and call on another person.

"How about the second one?" I say, and not many people raise their hands. "You." I point to a girl in the left corner who did in fact have a hand up, named Sophia. "What would you change about the world?"

"I would change how we accept people." She answers. "Explain." I tell her.

"We've gone from being an accepting society, to one that can hardly tolerate different people. I'd change that, make it so everyone is accepted and respected." She says and I think about it.

"That has a lot of thought to it, good job." I say and she seems proud of herself.

The final question comes around and I look around, expecting to see no hands raised. But instead, I see one... And it's her. I clear my throat quickly, "Shailene." I say calling on her.

"Your answer?" I ask. "I said that you shape your destiny the best you can, and what's left is up to fate." She says. "But we also can create our fate in a way, doing certain things and choosing certain choices can shape our fate as well." Shailene adds, and I have to suppress my smile.

"Very good." I say and she sits back down. The bell rings just a few seconds later and chair screech as kids hurry to leave. I walk back to my desk and Shai walks up to my desk- unexpected but in a good way.

"What can I do for you Shai?" I ask, and add a smile warming smile at the end.

"I wanted to thank you again, for yesterday." She tells me and I look down quickly, but then lifting my head to look at her. My eyes meeting her sharp green ones.

"It really was nothing, but you're welcome." I tell her and she smiles a little before leaving for her next class. Leaving me in a storm of emotions.

>>>

It's the end of the day and I'm heading to the teacher's lounge to grab something from my mailbox in there- for school purposes of course. I walk in and not many people are in there, only the vice principal actually. Some call her headmistress, but I don't. Seems a little too fancy, for me anyway.

"Hello Mr. James." She says and I turn to look at her fully.

"Afternoon Mrs. Alden." I greet. She smiles small then walks closer to me.

"I wanted to talk to you about something." She tells me and I'm a bit nervous about what it could be.

"Yes." "Yesterday, after the school day ended." She begins, her clear English accent filling the void between us.

"You let a student get into your car, more importantly a female student." She says and has a serious look on her face.

"Ma'am, I can assure you that it was nothing to be concerned about." I tell her raising an eyebrow. "She needed a ride because her friend had to borrow her car for an emergency. It was really nothing." I add assuring her, and hoping that it doesn't do any damage.

"I shall hope it was nothing, Just be careful." She tells me, then wishes me a good night and leaves.

I sigh, and I can't tell if it's a sigh of relief or of the fear that these feelings aren't going to go anywhere. I'm smart enough to know that it wouldn't be wise to act on them, but I also know that they're too large and consuming to ignore them.

I slump back against the counter and take a deep breath. Knowing that tomorrow will be another day with urges, emotions, temptations, and a bucket load of stress.