Under Star

#36: Life's Cruelty

As much as I wanted to get out of this unfortunately reunion, but my body tell otherwise since I'm partially half dead. Add up the fact that Trevor suddenly pulled his twin's girlfriend out of my room awkwardly leaving me and Trevon alone, I sure wish I can instantly recover out of this paralysis and kick that nerd's ass for dragging me in this situation. Very thanks my friend.

I just looked at Trevon now sitting on my bed staring at me straight in the eyes. My heart said I really miss him and that I realized I unconsciously loved him but I'd better follow my mind which said to slap this jerk on the face hard and beat him up to death for playing my feeling like I'm a bitch. Fuck him please.

Seeing him here and me being so helpless hurts beyond comprehension to be honest. This feel like needles pouring onto me while I can't dodge nor block any of it. Such a sucker feeling.

"Long time no s-"

"Why Trevon? Why'd you do this to me?" Unconciously, my tears sprung down like waterfall but I still dart an eye at him. He was dumbfounded, but then he he bowed his head down in a guilty feeling. He should feel guilty and he better give me an acceptable reason.

"I'm not fitting in your life. Our family is not fitting in your life. You should've been curse us, payback on us, or even kill us. Our mafia killed your father. Our mafia is the reason why you're having this kind of life." If I could even freely move my hand, I could've slapped him on point.

"I'm not that immature to payback things like that. I'm not that shallow as what you think. I've never saw my dad or even knew his name. Even if I wanted to grief and mourn but how can I do that when I don't even knew his existence? This whole family flashback wasn't supposed to interrupt the present, right? But how the hell can you give up that easy? Am I not worth fighting?"

I'm physically and mentally hurt at the same time. I've never imagined getting so hurt just by a guy. I shouldn't even experience this shit.

"I'm sorry." Sorry? Seriously this whole situation is turning bullshit.

"Don't expect me to forgive you right away." He nodded and finally looked into my eyes.

"I know but I hope you can consider my apology someday." He held my hand and then had a peck on my forehead. He wiped the beads of tears running down my cheeks and gave me a last sincere smile.

"Maybe I'm just not the type of guy who fits your whole being. You deserve someone better." He stand up but before he can leave the room, I asked him my last question.

"Did you even loved me back?" He stopped from walking away but he stayed standing, not gazing back at me.

"If I did love you, there wouldn't be Madsen in my life."

And by that he finally walked out leaving me his last words nearly getting me dead on the spot. I didn't know such words hurts more than the injuries I've got. This was as if hitting me the cruelty of life itself. Reality fucking hurts like hell. Could this day could've get even better?

Freakos run towards me the minute my eyes couldn't stop tearing. My sight getting all blured from my tears, my troat getting all dried up and my heart getting all beat up. I'm drained to empty. I can't take anything anymore. When will I start having a day without this heartbreaks? When will my life have a happy time? When will it fucking be?

---

Weeks passed, a lot of things changed. Graduation's coming so the freakos were busy at the University but they always drop by every end of classes. I don't even know if I can still walk through the aisle and get my diploma with this kind of situation.