THE MOVIE.
I didn't leave the house for the rest of that day. And the next day. And the day after that. I couldn't. I was heartbroken. I love him. But I'm just not good enough. Eliz tried multiple times to get me out of the house but I wouldn't listen. I was too distracted. My phone was filled with calls and voicemails and texts from Nat. But I didn't care. I ignored every single one of them until I couldn't anymore. I could barely sleep. The thought that I wasn't good enough brought back so many bad memories that killed me inside. At one point I just gave up. I didn't want to care. I didn't want to feel any emotions. I just wanted to disappear.
Eliz came into my room one day with a concerned look on her face.
Eliz: Anna. You have to get out of this room. You've barely eaten these past few days.
Anna: I don't care Eliz. When are you gonna realize that I just don't care.
Eliz: Look. I know you're heartbroken; but it's not the end of the world.
Anna: IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK? HUH? You think I'm like this because of Nat. That's only half of the problem. Do you know what life is?
Eliz: Anna it's okay...
Anna: NO ELIZ! ITS NOT OKAY! My life is a never ending roller coaster. As soon as I'm up high; I have to drop down. I just. I feel useless sometimes. Like I have to watch everyone else be happy while I'm miserable. I can't live like this anymore. Sometimes I wish there was a button that could switch off all my feelings. I know. I'm crazy.
Eliz: l. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry you feel like that. But you don't have to. You can live life like its your last day on earth, and I'm gonna help you. Come with me. We're gonna dress you up, take you back to that set and get you a role in the movie.
Anna: What? How?
Eliz: Nat called me when you would t answer him. He told me that he hasn't been on set in a few days because the female lead quit. Since we can't reason with his agent, we'll prove him wrong.
Anna: There's no way that'll work.
Eliz: Why not? It's your dream to be an actress.
Anna: Yea but this is Hollywood. I'm not gonna be good enough.
Eliz: Believe in yourself Anna! You're an amazing actress and you deserve to share your talent with the world.
I got dressed and straightened my hair so I would look more professional. On the way there, I managed to re-memorize one of the monologues I did in my drama class. It was about this girl that was trying to stop her friend from drinking and doing drugs. It was a really powerful piece and I knew that it would be great. Once we got to the set, I confidently walked through the door when up to the director. I was a little worried since I didn't have an agent, a headshot or any movie experience. Never the less, I walked up to him and said what needed to be said.
Anna: Hi my name is Anna O'Neill. I heard that the main female actress quit and I was wondering if I could maybe play her in the movie instead.
Director: Miss O'Neill. What makes you think that I can give you such a big role. Do you have and agent I can speak with?
Anna: No. I don't.
Director: Any previous movie experience?
Anna: No.. Sir...
Director: Well you have no agent, no previous experience. How do I know your not a terrible actress.
Anna: I can act something out now..
Director: GET THESE PEOPLE OFF MY SET!
Nat: Mr Boone, give Anna a chance. She won't let you down.
Director: Fine. Show me what you got.
I performed my monologue and can I just say, I killed it. It was my best performance ever.
Director: I have to admit. I was not expecting that.
Anna: Does that mean you're hiring me?
Director: Be here next week on Monday, 9am sharp.
Anna: Thank you! I will! Thank you so much!
I walked up and Eliz gave me a huge hug to congratulate me. The sky was grey and cloudy. It started to rain a lot. I was now soaking wet and freezing. Nat ran over to me and covered me with his jacket.
Anna: I'm so sorry.
Nat: I'm sorry too. I love you.
Anna: Love you too.
We kissed while the rain was dripping down over us. It was the most romantic thing ever. We both love each other.
And I swear. In that moment. We were infinite.
