Chapter 27

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Monday morning

"Uh oh.." Clare passes me a sticky note.

'My office. Now.' Written in Jimmy's chicken shit writing.

"I'll be back.." I stand up and straighten my shirt and skirt before heading out and up a few floors.

My knuckles tap the wooden door. "It's open.." A tired voice says behind it. "Come here." It's now stern. I walk to the meeting table, nothing closer, nothing further. "Are you going to close the door?" Jimmy looks at me.

"No." I fold my arms and shift my weight to one leg, balancing my foot on the heel of my shoe.

"Will you please? You're closer." I take the 8 steps and close it. "Are you going to lock it?" I'm given the look of a bitchy 16 year old who just got their car taken away.

"No, if you want to make this whole thing private." I look at him. "Then you can invite me to your place. That door stays unlocked." My finger trails to it.

"You know what?!" He shoots up from his chair. He quickly walks to his door and locks it. "You shut the fuck up until I'm done talking!" His fingers grip my upper arms. Our feet touch and I can smell his coffee breath like it's a pot of freshly brewed mix.

"I don't have to do anything!" I spit back.

His face grew more serious. "I'm talking anyways. I don't care if you believe me or not." I've never seen him act this way. "I understand I kissed that chick. I understand I slept with her and I understand you're more than pissed off at me. But dammit, Spencer, believe me when I tell you I'm sorry! I've never been that drunk in my life! I don't even remember her name and I don't plan on finding out and if I do. I don't care to remember it. I get it if you're officially done and hate me. But trust me. I will remember your name. I will remember your face. I will remember the love I had for you. And I will remember holding you at night before dreaming about you. Hate me. Wish I were dead. Wish you never liked me. Wish you never fell asleep in my arms. Wish you listened to your dad. When you're done, I won't be. I loved you, Spencer. It may not have seemed or felt like it that night, but I did. I still do. I always will, Spencer Grace.. I always will.."

I just stare into his brown eyes, tears in mine. "I'm.." I stop for a second. "I'm so.. No! I'm going to play this out!" I kick his foot. "Do you know what I felt that night, James Thomas?! Had this happened to you?! Do you actually know what it's like to wake up in your cheating boyfriends bed? Check your phone to find out he cheated on you? Do you know what that's like? Do you, James?! I was heartbroken! I felt lied to and I felt you didn't care about me! That I'm just one more girl in the past. Another name in the book of James Thomas Fallon. We're two very different people! And when I say different. I mean Northern and Southern California different! You're the city and I'm the beach. In this case I'm the ex bitch. Tell me how much you missed me. I don't care." I fight my body out from his hands.

"Stop!" Jimmy's short nails dig into my skin. "No, I don't know what it feels like! I don't have a clue. It wasn't in my intent to hurt you, Spencer! And no, I don't have a book full of ex's! Why would I?! I don't count how many girlfriends I had in pride! I grew apart from the others! I haven't grown apart from you. Yes, I care about you! Why didn't you think I came to you to try to talk about it?! I came to you the next morning and you left. I wanted to talk about it and I wanted to make it work! I didn't want to say goodbye to you. I fucking ca-"

"If you fucking cared then you wouldn't have done it, Jimmy!" I cut him off.

"I was fucking drunk! What don't you get, Spence?!"

"The fact.." He kisses me. "That you drank that much!" He kisses me again. "Fucking stop!" I knee his thigh.

"I drink that much all the time and I've never been drunk like that."

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