Diary of a Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Teen

The One Direction Obsession

It kills me.

It rips my heart right out of my chest into tiny sherds.

It hurts. More than I ever thought it could.....

Sure, I smile. Sure, I laugh. But it's not the same. It never will be.

There are times when I'm not affected by some tiny 1D news I discover. But this, no.

It hits me like a whirlwind of emotions. Happiness, sadness, love, hate, nostalgia, glee, hurt and what not. I LOVE them. I don't think LOVE can even describe this. It seems like such a small word for such a big feeling.

Right now, my lower lip is swollen and my eyes are too because I've been gnawing on my lip and crying. Can you believe it? It's going to be one whole year. ONE WHOLE YEAR!

Yeah, I'm talking about Zayn leaving. About my boys "growing up". This year has been sick, especially for us Directioners. And it's so much emotion, I can't handle it. If I were in a proper state of mind now, I'd be making a Hendall joke but not now.

I've been going insane. That's exactly what I've been experiencing. Ever since the bomb dropped, I've been like this. It's stupid, but it's the only way I can cope. It's funny how you only really value stuff after its long gone.

I miss it. I miss it so much. The carefree laughs, the bromances, the stupid dance moves, the lame jokes, the staying up for new songs and 1D day, the way the made me smile and laugh, the time when they were just some dorks having fun, the EVERYTHING. The hurt is beyond compare. It's true, Nostalgia kills.

I just remember that time when I would hear One Direction and my ears would perk up. I would feel the butterflies in my stomach and feel the smile spread onto my face. I remember feeling proud when they're won awards. I remember gushing at thier cuteness when they said, 'We're like the five Best Friends!' I can still feel that sentence echo very clearly in my head. I remember having to understand all the inside jokes and wanting to be a better artist so my fan art could get noticed. I remember opening 3 windows on every electronic device possible and refreshing not replaying. I remember my Directioner family having my back when my biological family were being stubborn about 1D just being a phase. I remember fighting with my mom and yelling at her too loud if she ever went near insulting the boys. I remember the blush that covered my cheeks whenever she called me Draupadi. [Draupadi was a character of Mahabharata, the epic. She was the wife of the 5 Pandavas. So...since the boys were five.....understood ?]

I clearly remember the fandom fights. And I also remember laughing my ass off at the lame edits that our fandom made. Funny how we could insult our boys as much as we want, but as soon as someone else does it, they're dead meat. I loved it when the boys sang my feelings or even better, when they sang to me. Told me that I'm Beautiful. Told me How they loved my little quirks. Told me it was okay to be a little insane. Told me they wanted to light up my eyes.

But we're getting older baby. And I've been thinking about this lately. Does it ever drive you crazy, just how fast the Night Changes.

Yes, it does. It drives me absolutely crazy, bow fast the night actually changes. How everything taht I ever dreamed of disappeared when I woke up. And boy, it hurts.

But I love them for them. Of course they're hot and cute and all of that, but I love them because they're genuinely talented. Because they actually are good people. They're great role models. And most of all, they've made me, Me. They've taught me a whole lot of things. They've been there for me when no one else was.

They are a huge part of who I am now. And I miss them.

But I'll always love and support them, NO MATTER WHAT. I wish I could've attended to one of thier concerts. Just one. I wish I could actually see them. I wish I could tell them what they mean to me. Always have. Still do. Always will.

But apparently, the world isn't a wish granting factory. So I only wish for one thing. Something more realistic and truthful.

I wish for all the five of them to be well and Happy, together or apart.

All the love and a virtual hug,
-Z

Edit: This was written on 24th March, 11:26 PM. So yeah.