Because I Love You (Destiel & Sabriel)

The Unabridged Indignation

"Cas for God's sake, I love you!" 

Cas's steps came to a halt and his legs shook. How can he do that? He questioned. Is he that desperate? How can someone stoop that far just for a kiss or one night of sex? Cas was sad, sad for being used like that. But more vexed by how Dean just trifled with Cas's emotion like they meant nothing. They might mean nothing for him but it means something to me, Cas thought. 

But little did the ex-angel know Dean wasn't just saying that for a kiss or to get laid. He said that because he meant it, because he loved him.

Cas turned back to meet those green irises he had known for so long but never could understand them, more like didn't want to. Because deep down he had made it clear to himself that Dean didn't love him. Cas's face was flushed in anger while Dean was in helplessness. He felt helpless not for having confessed his love to his lover, but to himself. He hated himself for how long it took to admit that and what all he made Cas go through. But Cas didn't move, he just stood there glaring at Dean.

"Cas?" Dean asked in a frail voice that wasn't so familiar for a Winchester throat.

"What game are you playing here, Dean?" Cas snapped.

"Game?" Dean asked, utterly confused at what Cas was trying to imply/

"Oh right. The old innocent game. I get it." Cas said, not taking his eyes off Dean's once, digging daggers into Dean's eyes.

"Cas... I don't-" Dean was cut mid-sentence by Cas grabbing Dean by his collar and pinning him to the wall behind.

"I gave you everything! Everything I had! I lost my grace for you! You were my everything and this is what I am to you?!" Cas yelled, his face so close to Dean's, his breath burned scars of fright on Dean's face. "This is what I am?! A fucking whore you can flirt with anytime you want sex?!" Cas raised his voice even higher.

"Cas no... its not what you-" Dean was cut again by Cas's clenched fist smashing against Dean's jaw.

"Don't lie! I loved you with everything I had and this is what you gave me? This, Dean?" Cas's voice got a little lower and he let go of Dean who still leaned on the wall with his back for support. 

"Cas its not-" Dean barely managed to get those words out from his labyrinth of thoughts and closing throat but didn't get to speak as Cas cut him again.

"Whatever Dean. It's okay..." Cas looked down at his feet, his anger fizzled away with his love for the Winchester. "I-I'm ready... even... even if it's for one night, I'll take it." Cas said, tears brimming his eyes. He wasn't ashamed of what he had become, but he was ashamed for what he had let himself become. Nothing but a slut... Cas thought.

Dean's eyes widened, "Cas no! I don't want that!" Dean said, holding both of Cas's shoulders with his hands.

Cas looked up, but didn't meet Dean's eyes. "I-I know you don't... you don't want me." Cas looked down again. "But I-I'm ready for whatever... whatever you want to do." His voice was breaking, only he knew how hard it took to not break down in front of the one person you want to seem strong.

"Cas..." Dean whispered, tears in his eyes threatening to fall. What have I done, he thought. "Cas, Cas why would you even think like that?" He questioned, to Cas and himself as he replayed all the past happenings that could've led to these thoughts.

Cas looked up yet once again, "Why... Why did you kiss me back then?"  Cas asked. He was confused, does Dean really love him? He can't lie that much for just sex or a kiss... but does he really love me? It can't be... Cas debated.

Dean sighed, "I honestly don't know..." Dean said, trying to remember what happened that night but only broken memories with unexpressed feelings came.

"Right. You don't know..." Cas said and shrugged off Dean's hands from his shoulders, turning to leave.

"Cas, please wait..." Dean practically begged for Cas to stay. He searched the deepest reaches of his mind for something to say, something to do... something to make Castiel believe how much he was in love with him. How bad he had fallen for him but his thoughts were pebbles on a seashore, too many and scattered all over.

"It's over Dean... I'll learn to live without you and I suggest you find someone else." Cas said reluctantly over his shoulder, not wanting to look at Dean. Dean just stood there, trying to interpret the words that just wouldn't enter his ears. But it was too late, Castiel had walked away and into his rooms. 

Dean's vision became blurred and his breaths heavy and soon did he pass out. He fell on the kitchen floor with a thud, blood dripping from his head.

Cas went straight to his room and took three of the sleeping pills and laid down on the bed, hiding himself in the blanket and drifting off to a dreamless sleep.

***

"Sam?" Gabe called. He was sitting on the bed, eating his candies and trying different combinations while Sam was at his desk doing  his research.

"Hmm?" Sam asked, not looking away from the screen.

"When are you going to introduce me as your boyfriend and not you friend?" Gabe asked.

Sam looked back at Gabe, "But you are my boyfriend." 

"But why did you say we're just friends to that cashier who said we look cute together?" Gabe questioned. Sam didn't have an answer to that, he just looked at Gabe blankly desperately searching for something to say. 

"Are you ashamed of being with me because my vessel's a boy?" Gabe asked further, digging for a reply. 

"Gabe it's not like that... I just.. It just blurted out at that moment. I'm sorry..." Sam said and Gabe sighed, getting up and going to check on Cas.

∞

A/N

So my exams are finally over! xD AND OMF I HIT 1K READS! THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU GUYS! LOVE YOU SO SO VERY MUCH! :D