Because I Love You (Destiel & Sabriel)

The Imprecise Proceeding

Castiel didn't cry that night. He wanted to, but couldn't. His dry sobs were absorbed by the pillow his face was buried in. He screamed and cried all night, he didn't sleep. And no matter how bad he felt, tears wouldn't come out. The kiss had given him something, some hope.But it was all shattered to pieces when Dean mentioned Lisa's name. 

But the time didn't stop and the morning came. Cas had fallen asleep. Dean, on the other hand, was lying on his back with hands behind his head, fingers intervened. He wasn't really thinking about anything but the kiss. He wasn't thinking about cheating on Lisa but the kiss. He wasn't thinking about Cas but the kiss. 

He stared up at the ceiling. The kiss had felt something different, something special. It was the first kiss in his entire life that mended his broken soul and promised a better one. The kiss had such warmth. But all the warmth, all the breathlessness and all the happiness was gone as soon as their lips moved away from each other. 

He wanted more. He wanted to go out right now and kiss him. But he couldn't do that to his own friend could he? He knew he was broken from the inside and he knew how endless his fights were with himself. He could never get Cas into this. He was already a mess himself, he didn't need to create one. He finally turned and buried his face in his pillow and screamed. Screamed for what he did to Cas and what he made himself feel for Cas.

***

Dean got up after a few hours and took a shower. The shower was the worst part, the tears couldn't stop falling and he couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. 

He finally got out and went in the kitchen to make brunch. He decided to make pancakes for them. Making them was easy, but now was the time to wake Cas up. He sighed and went to his room. He knocked twice. "Cas?"

Cas wasn't in a deep sleep and was awake at once. A smile spread on his face when he heard Dean's voice and quickly stood up. Maybe he was just lying yesterday and is now back? Maybe he broke up with Lisa? Maybe he was just kidding? Maybe he was just freaked out? All these questions roved Cas's brain but one question stopped his train to euphoria - What if he was just dreaming and Dean hadn't called?

"Cas, you there bud?" knocked again and Cas jumped out of his bed.

"Yes!" he ran to the door and opened it.

"I made pancakes." Dean said nonchalantly, looking at the wall behind Cas so he doesn't have to look at him.

"Thank you!" Cas smiled even brighter and was just about to hug Dean when a pair of hands stopped him and gently pushed him away. Cas's smile faded and he looked down at Dean's hand that were quickly pulled away from Cas's chest. Cas then looked at Dean with a confused look.

"Cas we talked about this. I'm seeing Lisa. We're just friends." he said and left for the kitchen. "Don't get your pancakes cold." Dean said over his shoulder and left.

Cas looked down. "Just friends..." Cas repeated. He went to the kitchen and sat down, leaving a chair between him and Dean. Dean didn't look up, just kept eating his breakfast.

Though Cas couldn't help but take a few quick glances at Dean as he ate his. 

"I'll do the dishes." Dean said when they both finished their plates. Dean went to the sink and did he dishes in silence. Cas was sitting on a chair but he got up and walked towards Dean, absentmindedly. His mind was not really thinking about anything but Dean and the kiss. He got behind Dean and hugged him.

Dean immediately turned and pulled away, "Cas what are you doing?" he asked sternly.

"Deam please, I love you!" Cas begged, his eyes tearing up.

"NO YOU DON'T!" Dean yelled and stomped off to his room, closing the door behind. He sat down, resting his back on the closed door. Tears ran down his cheeks as he buried his face in his knees. "Why Cas..." He sobbed.

Cas's knees had given up and he sat on the kitchen floor, his hands hanging on the sides. Tears finally came running down in torrents from his eyes. He knew he didn't only lose his love that night in the kiss but he'd never get to see the friendship in Dean's eyes again either.But he couldn't take it, the feeling in his stomach, how it twitched. How his chest  felt as if sinking. He got up and wiped his eyes, running for Dean's door. He knocked harshly,

"Dean open the door! Please! Dean!" Cas shouted. Dean wiped his eyes and put on his stern look again. He got up and opened the door.

"What?" Dean asked roughly.

Cas immediately fell to his knees, holding Dean's legs. "Dean please! I don't care if you're with Lisa. I don't care if you use me! Dean please don't do this!" Cas begged. Dean was about to break when he pulled Cas up by his collar and punched him, making his fall on the floor. Dean then shut the door to his room, leaving a shocked and frightened Cas with a bloody nose on the floor. 

∞

A/N

So... Finally all my assignments are complete! 

But my finals are starting from next month like what the actual fuck.

*Sobs*

Also, I literally cried a little while writing this chapter so

yeah that.

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