Because I Love You (Destiel & Sabriel)

Had It Not Been For The Halcion

"Cas?" Dean entered the kitchen after Sam left to sleep with Gabriel. Castiel was sitting on the kitchen counter,taking small sips of milk from his glass. He looked up at Dean and got up immediately. "Cas no wait.." He stood in front of him. 

Cas didn't say anything, he just looked down at the floor. "Please move Dean.." he said softly.

"Cas, can we please talk? Please?" He tried to look Cas in the eye but Cas didn't look up.

"There's nothing left to talk Dean. You don't love me and you've made it clear. I'll learn to live with it." he stated clearly. Dean sighed and pulled out two chairs. 

"Sit." he said, sitting down on one chair. 

Cas didn't argue. He already knew what Dean was going to say. He knew there would come a time Dean would want him to leave. He had made himself ready for it, but not even Cas himself knew how unprepared he was for what came next.

"So listen.. about Lisa-" Dean started but Cas cut him mid-sentence.

Cas scoffed. "So you're just here to tell me how better Lisa is than me? Why you'd choose her over me?" he asked.

Dean sighed, "Let me finish at least?" Cas took a deep breath and nodded. "So." He cleared his throat. "The thing is... I'm not dating Lisa anymore." He declared. He had called Lisa and told her everything about how he loved Castiel and didn't want to keep her on the blind side. Lisa had accepted it calmly and had hung up without another word, for she didn't want Dean to leave like that but in his happiness was hers. 

"Y-you're not?" Cas asked, looking at Dean wide-eyed. All of Cas's sorrow, all of his anger fizzled out at hearing those words. It was like a dream come true, he remembered Sam telling him once break ups are sad but it seemed the best thing to Cas. 

Dean nodded and was about to say something when Cas smiled brightly and crashed his lips on top of Dean's.

Dean wanted to blend into that kiss, to kiss Castiel back. He wanted to wrap his arms around him, to let his fingers go through Cas's messy hair. But alas, he couldn't. Dean gently pushed Castiel back. "I knew you'd come for me!" Cas said, smiling and wiping a few tears that had come from his eyes.

"Cas..." Dean started but couldn't finish. He looked at Cas's eyes that sparkled dreamily, the blue in his eyes was hitting him like the waves of an ocean. It was calming and fresh but was hurting him. 

"I know! I love you too!" Cas screeched in excitement as he stood up and hugged Dean tightly. 

Dean sighed and gently pushed Cas back on his chair, "Cas we can't be together.." Dean said as he saw the shine in Cas's eyes disappear. Cas sat back on the chair.

"B-but why?" he asked, he still thought it wasn't true. Dean has to be joking... or lying... he can't... Castiel kept thinking. His eyes began to droop as the Halcion he had taken started to work on him. He felt sleepy but wanted to stay awake. For Cas, the idea of wanting to stay awake seemed strange for he had been wanting to sleep forever for so long. 

He wanted to close his eyes and never open them again, to never face the reality of not being with Dean again, to never have nightmares again. But whenever he was with Dean, it was different. Everything was different. He wanted to stay awake, to be alive. He wanted to stop the time and just stare into Dean's eyes.

"Cas..." Dean started but Cas's head dropped. He was asleep. 

Dean sighed and picked Cas up, his face turned a little as his hand touched Cas's rear. He carried him to their bedroom and laid him down on the bed. He looked down at Cas's sleeping figure, he looked so calm and content. Dean smiled at him and wondered what he might be dreaming about, Probably honeybees or something.. Dean thought to himself and giggled. 

Dean sat down and looked at the empty space next to Cas, that was where he wanted to be. That was where he could be if he just... but no. He couldn't. He couldn't do that to an angel, to his angel. He had already lost a friend, he wasn't going to let this world lose an angel too. 

Dean slowly leaned down and kissed Cas's forehead. He wanted to get a taste of his lips too but it was far more than he deserved, far more than his reach. He sighed and got up, going out of his room. He closed the door to Cas's room and turned to go to his room when he saw Sam leaning on the wall, his arms crossed. 

"You love him." Sam said, eyes narrowed.

∞

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