I Hate You . . . I Think

Horror and Paralyzed

And that is the reason that I sprint out the door. 

I fling myself in the hallway, just as the first sob tears out of my throat. My back hits the wall and I slide down it. My knees curl into my chest and I wrap my arms around them. 

That girl is the sister I always wanted. The thought of her leaving me is unfathomable. My chest heaves so badly it hurts. The sounds exiting my throat make me sound like a dying cat, but I can’t seem to stop.

Footsteps sound in a half circle around me. There is a sound of someone sliding down the wall to sit by my side before an arm wraps around me. I raise my head and make out the face of Tuckett in front of me.  His hands wrap around the side of my face and pulls me forward until my cheek rests against his chest.

After several minutes, the sound of Tuckett’s heartbeat calms my hysterical crying. The sobs reduce to light trails of tears running down my cheeks. Tuckett leans down and presses a light kiss on my forehead. I shift my head up, letting his lips lightly touch mine.

The kiss is a light, barely there kiss. Different from the other two kisses that were filled with passion. This kiss makes me relax into his arms and makes my heartbeat slow. It’s reassuring. Tuckett pulls back and wipes away the trails of tears before tucking my head under his chin. 

“She’s going to be okay,” he whispers. 

“Okay,” I sniffle back. 

I sit in his arms and calm down until I feel like I can control myself. Before we head back down to everyone else, I peel myself out of Tuckett’s arms and go back into Low’s room. I stand at the side of her bed and place my hand on her arm. 

“Just to let you know,” I whisper, “if you die on me, I will find some way to bring you back just to kill you myself.”

I wait for some kind of sarcastic response from my best friend, but all I get is the sound of her heart monitor that I feel is mocking me. 

Tuckett

When Vi comes back out of the hospital room and walks over to me, I want nothing more than to kiss the sadness on her face away. But I can’t do that. She made it clear while we were gone that she doesn’t think of me that way. The only reason she probably kissed me tonight was because she is emotionally exhausted. 

“Let’s go,” she says quietly before passing me and heading toward the elevator. 

I follow her into the metal box and press the button for the lobby. When I look over at Vi’s face, it is hard, like she is trying to keep all of the shit that has caused her pain at bay. 

The only thing that shows she is hurting is her hand holding mine. It is squeezing mine so hard that I’m sure my fingers are turning purple. 

The elevator doors open and we head back over to the large group in the waiting room. I shift my gaze to the sliding glass doors to see my friend in the same position he was in fifteen minutes ago. I can’t understand what he is going through right now, but I can understand how much he loves Low. 

I’m pretty sure I love his cousin just as much.

Seth

The concrete under my ass is fucking freezing, but I can’t really expect anything less when it is pouring outside. I pull my head out of my hands and focus on the forming puddles on the ground. The water droplets are making small splashes, upsetting the smooth surface of the puddle. I’ve been sitting by myself outside for the last two hours, trying to make sense of everything. 

Mom has come outside every fifteen minutes to try and get me to come into the waiting room with everyone else, but I can’t move. I don’t want to see the pain on Low’s family’s faces, or the pain on Vi’s face. I just can’t handle it right now. The pain inside of me is so intense that if I have to deal with more sadness, I feel like I will lose my mind. 

My mind flashes back to the days when Low and I used to torment each other. I always thought I hated her, but there was one day I remember thinking how pretty she looked. We were at recess and she was yelling at me for pushing her off the swings when I noticed the sun sparkling around her hair, making her look like an angel. An angel from hell I found out when she poured the water from my water bottle on my pants to make me look like I peed. 

Yeah, I pushed that to the back of my mind soon after it happened. 

I can’t help but think now about how right I was about my thought. Low is my angel. An angel I can’t afford to lose. 

I am about to shove my head back in my hands when a police man passes me and walks into the hospital. I look after him curiously and watch as he heads toward Low’s parents. I quickly get up from my spot on the ground and follow him inside. The cool air of the hospital is warm to my freezing skin, but I don’t really even care right now. I stand slightly apart from the group, listening in as the policeman introduces himself.

“Ma’am, the man who crashed into your daughters car this morning is dead. We ran his prints through the system and he cam back as a Steven .”

My mom gasps in horror and immediately starts sobbing ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again. Arty takes her in his arms and starts rocking her back and forth. Low’s mom and dad don’t say anything, but he reaches his hand over and takes hers.

No one looks at me. Hell, I wouldn’t want to look at me. The bastard that I am unlucky enough to call my father put the woman I love in a coma. 

I sweat if the fucker wasn’t dead, I would hunt him down and murder him myself. 

I leave everyone in the waiting room as I sprint up to Low’s room, not even bothering to wait for the elevator. I sprint up the stairs taking two at a time until I reach level three. I burst through the door and race down the hallway, ignoring the bad looks I’m receiving from the nurses. I fling myself into the room and flop down into the seat next to Low’s bed. 

All I am aware of right now is the self hatred I feel running through my veins as I look at my girlfriend’s cut face. 

I know if she was awake right now, she would be telling me how much of an idiot I am for thinking this is my fault. But she doesn’t. I sit in the chair beside her bed for hours until my eyes finally start drifting close. 

I wake up in the middle of the night to find a blanket covering me. I look around the room, confused where I am at first until I see Low. I sit back in my seat with a sigh. On the other side of the bed is Low’s dad, asleep in the chair. The guilt starts eating me alive, but I push it down. 

I place my hand on Low’s again before leaning back in the hospital chair and asleep.

Low

You know how everyone always says they see the light when they die? 

Well, I don’t see anything.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m not dead, or maybe I just have issues, but I don’t see anything. It is a never ending sea of black everywhere I look. 

I try to move my arms and legs, but nothing happens. My head won’t move and neither does my mouth. The only thing that moves are my eyes which are absolutely no help at all. All I can do is shift my eyes back and forth, seeing nothing but black.

I’m paralyzed.

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