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eight him- 160125, busan
Her hands ghosted over the familiar coat, her teeth sunk deep into her bottom lip. Jungkook was asleep again, his face a little more faded than before but his ankle still as worse as ever.
Every time he would sleep, her torturous thoughts filled her mind since he wasn't awake to share his problems to take her mind off her own. She wanted to think of something other than Taehyung, but at night he seemed to haunt her the most.
Their memories and that stupid picture she still hasn't gotten rid of mocked her and made her feel worse than ever. She blamed herself for their sudden break up, everytime they broke up she did. She was tired of it though, tired of the never ending fights they had and never ending break ups. So the last time, it was her turn to break up with him.
She was tired of him always accusing her of cheating. She was tired of all the yelling, all the dents created in her walls, all the furniture that broke. She was tired of being the one who always had to fix their relationship and beg for forgiveness. She was tired of him being in control.
Now she was only tired of being away from him, which she hated.
She stared down at the bright screen, squinted eyes and a tweak of a heart. Who does he think he is? She thought and slowly pressed the power button on her phone and shoved it deep into her back pocket.
She thought since she wasn't giving in to him, he wouldn't make an effort to keep the relationship together. Now for the fifth time since she wanted to completely end it with him, his name appeared on her screen with another message.
The tables have turned and now he was the one who actually kept apologizing, and it was driving her crazy. She didn't want this to happen, she didn't want him to make it harder than it already was for her.
She had to stay strong, she reminded herself. She knew that the same thing would occur if they tested out their relationship again. Him now being the one who's begging for forgiveness isn't going to change a thing.
Or will it? Is he finally realizing his mistakes? Did the whole month apart actually cause him to change?
She doubts it.
With an annoyed sigh, she grabbed ahold of the coat and slung it over her shoulder. Maybe getting rid of the stupid coat she slept with for the first two weeks of their breakup will allow her to blow off some steam. Maybe getting rid of everything that reminded her of him will slowly get her life back to normal.
That's what she wanted.
She quietly made her way across the living room, giving Jungkook a small glance before snatching the picture off the counter.
She wanted it all gone, she wanted to take control of her life. She wanted everything out. She knew deep down that doing what she was doing wasn't going to help at all. If anything, it'll probably just make her miss him even more.
She didn't care. In the spur of the moment and the frustration from the text message made her come up with a type of way to cope, and that was to throw everything out like it never existed.
Her emotions were all mixed up, it was driving her crazy.
She made her way into her kitchen, taking ahold of the box of cigarettes from the counter along with a lighter and stuffed it in the pocket of the coat.
Another picture she found taped to her fridge made her frown increase with a mix of sadness and anger. She tore it off, edges bent, and practically stomped out of the kitchen and back into the living room where the front door was.
She was too emotional to feel the burning gaze of the woken up teenager who sat up slightly on the couch. He frowned at her, noticing the tears that gleamed in her eyes. He was confused and wanted to know where she was going.
He called her name softly, rubbing at his eyes with a strained groan as he tried to sit up more.
She didn't hear him, his voice being way too soft from just waking up. She took the picture back out of her pocket and stared at it again, frowning. Jungkooks eyes darted down to the picture in her hand before back to her face.
He wasn't able to say another word once she crumbled up the picture, stuffed it in her pocket and started out the door.
His eyes drooped, but his heart was widely awake with worry. Instead, he sat up staring at the door until she returned.
Her shoes echoed down the hallway, her eyes still teary. She hated how upset she was being over this. She thought she was fine, or so she tried to convince herself that. She wanted to be fine, but Taehyung kept appearing both in her mind and now her phone making it more difficult.
She wasn't even sure what she wanted to do with the stuff she held in her hands. Would simply throwing them away do any healing?
The cold breeze of the outside air didn't affect her as she made her way outside, starting in a random direction with steps that became heavier and heavier. She wanted to do more than throw them away, but she was too tired to get rid of the items exaggeratedly.
Instead she stopped in front of the alley way, and wiped at her eyes as she lifted up the lid of the trashcan.
With a small huff, she tossed the items into the trash can with hesitation and walked away as fast as she could to pretend like she never threw it away in the first place. Her heart still yearned for his presence, and she knew if she stayed too long after throwing away the items that she would immediately regret it.
All the items were tossed deep into the can, wanting to be forgotten, except for one. One small picture happened to flutter down to the cool floor instead.
