Evergreens & Neon Lights

2

We sit there for what feels like hours. Possibly days. Pete fell asleep awhile back and I don't have the heart to move him. I study his form and stroke his hollowed cheek. The bags under his eyes show just how long its been since he has slept. My eyes water as I trace his cheek bone I count back in my head just how long ago it was.

Seven years, eight months, and twenty- five days. Thats when he got on that plane. When he kissed me and ran his hands down my back. He smiled at me and rests his fore head against mine.

"I promise I will be back so soon you will never even know I was gone."  I never forgot his words or the way his hand slipped down and squeezed my butt before I pushed him away giggling.

Oh how I wish I would have asked him to stay. I blamed myself for what happened. Thats why I waited a year and a half to build up the courage to try and let him go. Burying that coffin under the cherry tree in a cemetary plot an hour away from the city was supposed to be my way of letting go.

I never did. I kept all his things in boxes in the basement so I could lie to my friends and say that they were gone. Every once and awhile I would wonder down there pull one open and just hold them. The scent of Pete long since worn away. I remember how I cried for days when I pulled open a box and realized none of them smelled like Pete any more. I felt like an idiot keeping things that didn't have a connection to him anymore.

They were still down there and I realized it had been months since I went down there. I run my hand down Pete's back cringing slightly as I felt every column of his spine run under my palm.

He stirred slightly and his eyelids twitched but didnt open and he inhaled deeply. He squeezed me slightly and his eyebrows crinkled in confusion as he squeezed me again this time only harder. His eyes opened and his gaze slowly trailed up to my face. He smiled sadly and rested his head against my chest.

"Im sorry Patrick." He whispered I hardly could catch his words.

"Why are you sorry Pete?" I asked quietly. I felt his tears soaking through my shirt.

"I'm dead and I won't be able to come home to you." I stopped moving all together and looked at Pete whos eyes were shut his face holding a look of pain as he clung to me.

"Pete your not dead. I'm right here you are home." I say my voice cracking. Pete looks at me with sorrow in his eyes but he smiles slightly.

" No its okay Patrick because I'm in heaven with you. Just please don't go."  He smiles and props his chin up on my chest. His hand runs up the side of my face and he runs it threw my hair. Just like he always used too.

I sit up with him in my lap. "Pete we are going home." I say firmly and try to stand only for him to pull me back to the floor. I grunt and manage to pick him up and stand at the same time. I am not a very strong guy and it scares me to feel just how light Pete is. I take a few steps and stop when I see my hat on the bed.

"Can you grab that?" I ask and Pete looks and smiles as he reaches out to grab the fedora on the bed.

"I knew you were missing something."  He says as he runs his fingers over the rim of the hat before placing it on my head.

I smile at him and carry him out of the room bridal style. I walk down the hall and everyone behind the white barred doors are silent. The guard eyes me up but shrugs and holds the door open for me.

I walk to the front desk. "Im taking him with me." I say firmly and the womans eyes trail up from her paper work and eyes me up holding Pete's small frame.

"Fine just sign this and hes your problem." She riffles through her desk and slides me a paper. I somehow manage to sign it without dropping Pete. It helps that he is clinging to me like a baby monkey.

I walk out the door and to the car. I open the passenger door and place Pete inside. He looks up at me and then out the front windshield. He looks up at me with wide eyes.

" I'm not dead am I?" He says his mouth hanging open as he looks up at me.

"No your not dead." I say his mouth closes and it turns into a bright grin.

"Well in that case lets go get McDonalds." I let out a loud laugh as he settles himself into the seat.