As I lay here in Harry's bed I can't help but shake the feeling something isn't right. I can't decide if the distance and my cancer have taken a toll on our relationship or the fact that there is something else. Harry is sleeping next to me when a wave of nausea hits me. Fuck. I barely make it to the toilet in time to puke my guys out.
"Are you okay, babe?" Harry asks from behind me as I wipe my mouth.
"Yeah this just happens a lot. Just a side effect of the drugs." I stand in front of the sink grabbing my toothbrush.
"I'm sorry babe." He rests his hand on my shoulder as his kisses my temple.
"We need to talk Harry." I say once I'm done cleaning my mouth.
"About what?" His eyes grew wide.
"Don't worry. I'm not pregnant." Harry and I haven't been intimate in months so that possibility was flown out the window.
"Then what is it babe?" He crossed his arms in front of me.
"I know you're not happy. I can see it in your eyes. You don't look at me the same and honestly I'm tired of people looking at me like I'm some fragile piece of glass." I ran my hands through my hair. I finally spoke what was on my mind. I knew Harry wasn't happy after a couple hours of me being here.
"Where is this coming from? I am happy. Why would I string you along for no reason?" He challenged.
"I know about the drugs Harry." I sighed. If looks could kill his could commit murder. "I can't put up with that. You know how I feel about that stuff."
"Are you serious? You think I don't love you because I happen to do drugs once or twice. Don't be ridiculous." He started shaking his head.
"Then explain to me why." I shifted and crossed my arms over my chest.
"It's more complicated then it seems." He tried to defend.
"Well I've got all day." I shot back.
"It's a stress reliever. Things get rough on the road and sometimes I need a release. Things have been so shit for me lately that I need something for me to forget everything. Do you know how stressed I am constantly worrying if my girlfriend is going to be ok the next time I talk to her? Do you know how it feels to be try to put on a happy face with fans when I don't even want to go on stage anymore because I'd rather be home with you? Do you know how it feels to get to the point where you and your best friends can't stand to be around one another anymore? When everything you worked so hard to achieve doesn't even matter anymore? All that stress makes it so hard for me to even function let alone do it with a smiling face." He was practically yelling by the end of his rant. He ran his fingers through his hair numerous times to before staring at me waiting for a response but I didn't know what to say. Tears were in my eyes after his confession because I did not know truly how bad it was for him.
"Why don't you tell me these things, Harry? Why don't you tell me what's going on when I ask? Harry, I love you and I am here for you whenever you need me no matter what. You'll get through this you are just stressed and tired and need a break. Plus don't worry about me. I'm not going to let this cancer get me down. Yeah it sucks but I'll be fine. Give me a year and I'll be the same person I was when you fell in love with me." I walked closer to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He put his arms around me pulling me closer to his chest.
"I'm scared of everything changing." He whispered into my hair.
"Don't be. Everything will be okay."
