TALES OF WHOUFFLE

34. Limited Edition

"You're weird as fuck, John," Clara laughs at her boyfriend, but her words hold the most tender love possible. The best kinds of people are the ones who can mean what they say and still contradict themselves.

"I guess you're weird, too," John grins back, jumping off the wall and onto the wet concrete beside the teenage girl. "Why not be both weird?"

"And if we had babies..." Clara begins, turning around and walking backwards as to face him. "They'd be double weird."

"Or maybe the weird would just cancel out, the way two negatives make a positive."

"Oi," she chuckles, nudging him with her foot. "There is nothing 'negative' about being weird. Besides, we're not weird. We're limited edition."

"I guess your right ... For a girl like you." He smirks, his shoes squeaking as they connected with the wet floor of the street. It's quiet and dark, for this time of the evening. It's only 8:48 PM. The leaves of the trees glisten with droplets of rain, the windows of the houses are lit up warmly from the lights inside, and they're the only people outside. It's a good thing, Clara thinks. She loves being alone with him.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" A shaped eyebrow raises as she stops walking, crossing her arms. Whilst she may be considerably smaller than her boyfriend, she could still wrestle him to the cold, soaked floor.

"Well, look at you ..." He gestures to her, all wrapped up in her snug, thick black coat that makes her look like a marshmallow. She wears her basic clothes; a cream coloured blouse, a short brown skirt, black tights and little pumps with heels on them. Of course, about 80% of her clothes are hidden by her coat ... It doesn't eliminate the fact that she's wearing them, though. "You're absolutely ... Perfect! Every inch of you! Right from your messy hair to your tiny toes."

A slightly pink blush creeps into her cheeks. She nearing her home now, only a few precious minutes left until they bid their farewells and exchange goodbyes.

"Shut up, Dick," she giggles.

"Or what, short arse?" He challenges rather foolishly, continuing to walk.

"Or you can roast my chestnuts, twat breath."

"Save the hanky panky for another time, knob goblin," he retorts, laughing.

"Shit head."

"Fanny face."

"Dick muncher."

They reach her garden gate, and she steps inside her garden whilst he stays on the other side of the wall.

"Goodbye, demon boobs."

Clara sighs, rolling her eyes and snorting loudly with laughter. "You are so bad at insults."

John shrugs, and kisses her head gently, lovingly, a warm, young love in his bright green eyes. He smiles so beautifully at her that she can't help but mirror his grin. She had to remind herself everyday that this boy - this caring, doting, lovely, devoted boy - was hers. He is hers and she is his, and they would remain that way for as long as ever.

"Nevaeh," Clara blurts out to him out of the blue.

"What?"

"If we ever have limited edition kids, I want to call one of them Nevaeh. It's the word heaven backwards."

He seems to think for a moment, looking to the side, before looking back down at her with the corners of his mouth slightly upturned.

"I like it," he smirks.

Clara smiles back and gently kisses him on the lips. "Goodbye, John."

He begins to walk away, not before saying goodbye back.

"Oh, and by the way - you're a fucking virgin," she shouts to him, smirking.

He doesn't turn around, but he replies, all the same. "I was a virgin, Clara, until last night."

"As if!"

"Just ask your sister if you don't believe me." There's a certain arrogance to the way he walks, as if he's proud of the punch line he's going to make.

"I don't have a sister."

"Well, you will do in about 9 months ..."

By the time Clara understands the joke and what he actually meant by it, he's already turned the corner, out of sight.

The Little Shit.

(Just a quick one shot I wrote because I can't bloody sleep, ugh...

I just want to say a huge thank you if you vote/comment on this collection of stories - it really motivates me to write a new oneshot. 😄💜

Love you all! Please vote/comment if you want more!

- A)