Maybe It Was A Song

fourteen

I wake up the next morning to the sunlight poring in the two windows in the small box that Zayn Malik calls his room, and instantly regret not closing them last night. My eyes adjust to the light, and I look around the room. "Why're you over there?" I deep voice grumbles, in the morning voice I adore. I jumped a bit, because I had kind of forgotten he was there, but when my eyes meet his, my heart flutters as always. "I asked you why your over there" he repeats, and I already know he's in a bad mood. This should be fun. "I uh..." I start, stuttering over my words. "I didn't want to disturb you" I say quietly, which wasn't really a lie. I didn't really want to disturb myself either. But I left out that part. "Bullshit. Come here" he says, not even considering my story for a second. Before I can even think about it, I feel my feet softly padding across the carpet to his bed. When I get to the side of his bed, he doesn't move over though, and I'm a bit confused. Does he want me to climb over him, or just stand here awkwardly? I'm pulled from my thoughts when his hands tug at my pants, trying to pull them down. I grab the opportunity of them quickly, and he lets out a growl before tugging them harder, pulling his plaid pants off of me. He then rolls over so I can get in, and I sigh, it do what I know I expected to. I'm turning into his little robot. His arms wrap around me the instant I'm near him, which I think is quite cute until he starts to pull of my top. "Zayn.." I whine quietly, trying to push his hands away. He's not a bar of any of this today though, and he swats my hands away, before pulling off his top.

After 10 or so minutes of me laying there awkwardly, my eyes find a clock n his bed side table. "Shit Zayn, we gotta ho to schooll!" I let out in a panic, sitting up, but only to have him slam be back down against the bed again. I don't even know why he's so angry. "Zayn, you don't have to, but I'm going to school" I tell him, trying my best to sound assertive. "What are the rules Madalin?" He lets out through gritted teeth. I sigh softly, knowing this was his way of telling me to shut up. "I asked you what your fucking rules are Madalin! Answer me, damn it! " He yells, which scares the shit out of me. He's never yelled before, or even raised his voice at me. He always soft and gentle, but now he's stripped me down to my bra and panties and is yelling at me. The sound alone makes me tear up, and I quickly stutter out the rules. "I-I have to s-stay with you, not say no, listen t-to you and I'm yours" I tell him quickly, and I can make out my voice shaking, so he must be too. He pushed me to the ground yesterday, and now he's yelling at me. He's not safe for me to be around. I had been clinging to the hope it would get better, but he can't control it.

Seconds after I finish telling him the rules, I hear a sigh escape his lips, before his forehead is leant against my back. "I'm sorry baby, I shouldn't have yelled." He apologies in a whisper, already knowing it was to late though. I was already scared. I'm sure he could feel how tense I am in his arms, as he places a few soft kisses on the back of my shoulders. "Roll over so I can see those pretty eyes" he mumbles, just as softly as ever, and I know he's trying to stay calm. He's trying to show me the other side of himself. He knows when he's gentle and soft with me, I can't stay away. "Ata girl" he mumbles as I slowly roll over, not wanting to disobey him and get him madder. "Your eyes baby" he mumbles, tapping my chin softly so I'll look up. I do as he says, and I'm not sure whether it's the sight of my eyes, or my damp cheeks that makes his face soften even more. His hands meet my cheeks, carefully brushing away the tears. This boy was harder to follow than anyone else I've ever met. His mood swings are insane. "Are you scared? Don't lie to me" he whispers, kissing my forehead, then my cheek before I nod softly. "I'm sorry. It's the hang over love, my head is pounding" he mumbles, and I nod my head softly. I believed him because he never ever would normally yell at me. I roll out of bed and get some pain relief from his first aid box before coming back and getting in bed. "Thank you" he mumbles, taking with a glass of water, before his arms return to my waist. "You're still scared" I whispers, and I can see the regret in his eyes. I know he would take it back if he could. I nod my head softly to tell him I was. I didn't want to talk and have my voice cracking and shaking again. "Did I hurt you yesterday?" He asks so incredibly quietly that I almost miss it all together. My eyes drop down, and I hear his sigh. "Show me?" He asks quietly, obviously taking my lack of an answer as I yes. I don't move for a few seconds, but I feel his nose brush against mine to get my attention again. "I'll find it myself if you won't show me" he mumbles, kissing the edge of my lips softly. I sigh and take one of my wrists from under the covers, showing it to him. He takes it gently in his two bigger hands, looking at the marks from his hands only testerdat. I find he courage to look up at him as he presses incredibly soft kisses to it. "You have to know I wasn't trying to hurt you. Adrenaline was pumping, and I just wanted you to turn around. I never meant to be rough with you, I swear it. Not with you" he whisper in a rush, and I realise he's trying to get me to forgive him. He's so stupid. I forgave him the second I saw how horrified he was by himself from doing it. "You know me baby girl, you know I wouldn't. ..." he continues, trying to convince me, His eyes desperately searching mine. "Its okay Zayn. You didn't mean it" I whisper, cupping his cheek softly, and his eyes close at my gently touch, a soft breath escaping his lips. He acts like this is the most pleasure he's ever been in, and I can almost feel the relief that I had done this. "No one's gentle with me, but you" he whispers after a long time of my thumb aimlessly skimming over his cheek bone.

I eventually convince Zayn to get up and have a shower, which only leaves him to trying to convince me to get in with him. When he gets back out, he gets dressed. He looks at me, already to go to school, but I realise he's in a clean pair of boxers and nothing else. "Where are you going? Get back in bed" He says, standing in front of me and walking me backwards slowly until my legs hit his bed, and I fall back onto it. "Good girl"