I Hate You . . . I Think

Peas and Betsy's Return

Forget the pain killing me. I’m already dead. 

I reach over and punch Seth in the arm.

“Don’t say things like that,” I growl.

When he doesn’t glare at me or complain about my man strength, I know something’s is really wrong.

“Seth, what’s wrong?”

He sighs and moves his eyes away from mine and back to the floor. 

“My life is so fucked up. Everything goes wrong. The last thing I want to do is make you go through all the shit that I put up with. You don’t deserve that and I don’t deserve you.”

“Seth-”

“NO!” he shouts. Seth shoots to his feet and kicks his chair that is already lying on the floor. I jump at the loud crash but stay seated on the bed. “You have goals. You have the opportunity to go to college and make something of yourself! I am not going to hold you back, which I will do because I can’t afford to go to college or get out of this fucking town! I’ll probably end up working at Arty’s for the rest of my life!”

“What’s wrong with that?” I ask.

“What’s wrong is that is what happened to my father. He did nothing with his life and look where he is now. He’s a drunk asshole who does not care about anyone. That’s me in twenty years! Look at what he did to my mom! I’ll probably do the same thing to you.” He whips around and shoves one fist into the wall, and then another, and another. When he finally grows tired, he rests both of his bruised fists against the wall, along with his forehead.

“I don’t want to hurt you more than I already have,” he whispers.

I slowly get up from the floor and walk over to the aching man on the other side of the room. I wrap my arms around his stomach and lean my forehead against the muscles on his back. He tries to get away from me, but my arms just constrict even tighter around him. When I feel his muscles loosen slightly and I know he is not going to move, I slide around the side of his body until I am in between him and the wall.

“You won’t hurt me, you know why?”

Seth shakes his head no. 

“Because you love me. You are the complete opposite of your father. That man does not have the capability of loving someone. You love and take care of everyone that you come into contact with. I mean, look at us. You hated me for most of your life and now you’re here with me.”

Seth still looks unconvinced by my speech.

I reach my hands up to cup Seth’s bruised face and brings his lips down to mine. He doesn’t react to me at first, but just keeps his hands down by his sides. So, I take my time, placing small kisses on his lips. I run the palms of my hands down from Seth’s face to the back of his neck before I massage the muscles there. When he still doesn’t relax, I pull the back of his neck down so his face is close to mine. I place soft kisses on his cheeks, nose, and temples before leaving my lips pressed to his forehead.

“You are important to me. Don’t ever doubt that.” I whisper and pull my head back. “Don’t doubt yourself.”

He stares into my eyes for what seems like hours before nodding his head. 

Seth take my hand and pulls me across the room to his bed. He lies on his back and then pulls me on after him. My left leg ends up tossed over one of his and my head rests on his chest. I bury my hands between his shoulder blades and the bed. My eyes flutter close when the finger tips of his left hand start tracing soft circles on the skin in between the top of my pants and the bottom of my shirt. Goosebumps cover my entire body.