I'm A Loser

Chapter 63.

"Stuart is...is this true??" She asked sounding upset. I shook my head and grabbed his coat, putting it on and heading to the door.

"Looks like you two need some time to plan out your affair now huh??"

"Where are ye goin??" Stu asked worriedly.

"Somewhere I can think." I said before leaving the building in a hurry. As I shut the front door and walked along the empty street, I stopped in my track to lean against a lamp post and cry. My head in my hands and my knees weak, I burst into tears and felt my heart break. I love Stuart so much I knew I couldn't leave him. He needs me and only me. We're two different beings together and separately....we couldn't be trusted with others. But was it possible for him to fall in love with another woman? Was it possible for me to fall in love with another man?

I began to walk slowly, trying to hold in my tears but failing now and then. The sniffling and tired eyes began to weaken the more I headed to the club. To my luck, I saw a familiar face with a girl outside making out like crazy. I wasn't in any position to feel shy or ignore their activities. Instead, I went straight for them until he broke away from her to give me his full attention.

"Molly you alright??" He asked with red lips and heavy breaths. I shook my head and wiped away my still fallen tears.

"I just needed someone different." I cried, moving into his arms. He was a bit shocked but moved his arms around me as I sobbed. "I don't know if he loves me anymore Richard. I think he's falling for someone else."

"Shhh. Come on let's go inside."

I shook my head and pulled back. I noticed the girl he was with was now gone. Richard's questioning blue eyes full of sympathy.

"I don't want to go inside. I want to go somewhere quiet. Take me away Richard. Drive me away for the night." I begged.

I knew this was a bit strange for a girl to suddenly ask a guy. Especially for this time of night but I needed this. My whole world around me was crumbling and if Stuart didn't give a damn then why should I??

We headed to his car and got inside. The sound of the engine roared through my ears as he began driving forward through the streets, turning and heading somewhere I've never been too. I began to wonder if this was a mistake. If Richard would kidnap me and do something forward but something about our past run ins, I knew he wasn't a bad guy.

When he finally stopped, I looked around to see emptiness. Parked near a field under the starry skies. My hands rested in my lap as he turned to me and spoke.

"So? We're alone."

I felt the tears come back, making me move into his arms and cry hard against his chest. He smelled amazing with the hint of the girl he was hoping to get lucky with. Her faint perfume wasn't bad as it dispersed. His hands moved around me, stroking my hair.

"What's happened molly? Who's made you this way?"

I sniffled. "Everyone and everything around me. I don't know why I've fallen so far from them. Why they choose her and...why I'm no longer a part of them."

"Shhh. Calm down love. Tell me from the start yeah? Come on don't cry." He wiped my eyes. I swallowed the lump in my throat and breathed shakily.
....

"I want to have this baby. That's for certain. I just don't know if that's what he's scared of. Becoming something maybe...he's not ready for. All I've been doing is playing house and being used to this perfect love of ours. Now he's met Astrid and...maybe he's seeing something that could've been or...something that could be." I wiped the tears and looked out at the open field.

We sat on the roof of his car to get some air. A cigarette between his lips and a blanket around me. He sat and listened, holding my hand now and then, asking questions....never judging.

"You're a beautiful soul Molly. I've never met anyone quite like you. I can see you truly love him I just can't help but to wonder if this is something he's really ready for."

"But he told me..." I began.

"A lot of blokes say things to make their girl happy. It's not until reality hits us it finally makes us think. I'm not sayin all blokes are like that but....when you asked about wanting a baby, what were you two doin?"

I sighed and remembered that night in the hotel. "We were about to make love."

He nodded and looked down at his lap. "Looks like you two need to 'ave a chat yeah?"

I took a breath and cried to myself. "I just...I don't know how I'll react if he tells me he doesn't want the baby." I looked at him.

"C'mere." He pulled me in his arms, holding me tightly.
.....

Richard dropped me off at Astrid's after our long talk. It was a relief to talk to someone who was so new to me. Someone I could finally have on my side. But when it was time for us to part ways, I felt my nerves get the better of me, puking on the side of the road before walking inside.

"Hello?" I called out and instantly, I heard the footsteps coming down the stairs. Astrid slowed down when she saw me. Her eyes were red and her nose pink. She'd been crying. I felt no sympathy.

"Molly you're back."

"Where's Stuart?"

She looked down. "I don't know. He ran off after you left."

"After I left or after you two shared another kiss??"

She stayed silent before I headed to the door. "Molly can't we talk??"

"I have nothing to say to you. Don't even try." I glared at her before heading out the door, slamming it shut.
....

The music inside was low and the bar full of men who drank their sorrows away. The small club smelled strong like booze. It was here I found him. He sat alone in a booth, on his second glass, looking up at me as I stood beside him.

"Molly where..."

I sat down and took my coat off. "Forget all of that. Forget the scene up in the attic just...forget about me."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "What are you talkin about??"

"Let's talk about you Stuart. Just tell me right now, are you falling in love with her??"

He wiped his eyes as I waited for an answer. "I think I already have."

I felt my eyes grow glossy and my vision began to weaken the more the tears welled up. I let them fall as I sat back.

"You can't leave her can you? Not now." I sniffled. He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair.

"I don't want this molly. I don't want to lose you."

I wiped my eyes and shook my head. "Is this then what you want? I can't do this again Stuart I just...not like this. Now that we have so much to lose we can't just.....maybe I need to leave."

"Don't leave Molly. Please." He held my hand tight. I cried for the millionth time that night. My head hurt and my body felt weak as he went on. "I need you more than anyone. You're my whole reason for being 'ere and my fuckin guide. I can't ever feel myself bein with anyone else."

"It's not fair to me Stuart. I'm not as strong as I used to be and all of that is because of you! You assured me a future and a new life! We had plans! Am I not attractive to you anymore!? Am I just the girl you knocked up and now a burden??"

"You're my wife! I love you and always will!"

"Then why don't you show it anymore!? Why am I being pushed away and left feeling so alone?? My god Stuart that's the only word I can describe the way you and the band has been making me feel! Alone! All for another girl and...if that's all it takes then I don't see where I fit in anymore." I breathed heavily. My head began to feel lightheaded. "Stuart...." I held onto the table and leaned against him. He held me as I took heavy breaths, feeling weaker and weaker.

"Molly what's wrong?? Molly!"

His voice grew faint the more he called out and the deeper I fell into uncaunciousness.
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