I'm A Loser

Chapter 54.

Dad and Sarah were in the kitchen too busy talking as I led John up to our room.

"This is it." I sat on the bed. John looked around, shutting the door behind.

"Wow. Neat."

I shrugged. "We try to keep it clean so we won't stain the carpet."

He leaned against the dresser and looked at my bra hanging on a lampshade.

"I want to talk about your offer. After I went back to Mimi's, I spoke to Cyn about what you told me. She told me she'd be happy to be stayin anywhere else but with me aunt. She em...said she really liked you and knows your parents must be nice. I 'ave to be honest, this is really a relief to me too."

I smiled to myself and looked at my feet. "I'm glad you'll accept. I told my dad and he said it was alright. I um have to say thank you as well."

"For?"

I grabbed my purse and let Minxy and Popkins get out of my purse and pounce around. I giggled as Minxy strutted over and rubbed her white body against John's leg. He laughed.

"Always a charmer." I teased.

"Cyn's taken a shining to em."

"She can watch over them when she comes to stay." I petted Popkins. He stayed silent and looked around then at the door.

"Well, I should be shovin off..."

"John wait. I want to talk to you about us."

"Us?"

I smiled sarcastically and patted the spot beside me. He followed and folded his hands together.

"Ye alright?"

I shook my head. "I'm nervous. About Hamburg, our living arrangements and the whole scene. Stuart mostly."

"Why would you feel nervous about Stuart??"

"I know he still feels ill sometimes. I see him focus hard just to take in information sometimes and he rubs his head and naps a lot. I love him so much John. I hate and I mean hate seeing him in pain and feeling awful. He's so brave and cares for me so much. But I see he also cares about you. I want you to know that John."

He sat silently and then looked into my eyes. Something he hasn't done in a long time.

"I miss us too Molly. You've just...taken Stu away from me. He doesn't look up to me the way the others do. And I by no means mean to sound bigheaded but I can sense George and Paul follow me. But when I met Stu he was just so...different. I admire him and he sees me as a person and an equal. I just don't understand why I feel all this jealous towards you. Then I met you and you were so carefree and sexy in that tight skirt. In the front row watchin us play. I remember seein you watchin and all I could think was...there's a girl who knows rock 'n roll. A bloody knockout. Then when I 'ad you that night it was fuckin brilliant. No later that week though Stuart just swoops in and steals you. Your his now. I couldn't figure why you'd choose him over me. Then soon he began to shove away time with me for you. You weren't at gigs and you two were lovesick puppies. I guess in a way I was throwin a fit. He got the girl, he was the good student who got the grades. Then for once I realized that I wasn't someone he looked up to. He was simply living his own life and I was the one who looked up to him."

I reached for his hand and enjoyed the rough calloused edges. Hands that have been put to work. Aggression and nonstop playing.

"It's not easy for someone bigheaded like you to admit something like that." I brought his hand to my lips and kissed his fingertips. "I love you John. I always have and...I've always been so attracted to you. I can't deny it. But Stuart's my husband. I have to be loyal to him."

"Molly..." he leaned in and kissed me hard. I took his face in my hands and kissed back. But the door shutting downstairs made us pull away. I shook my head and let him go.

"Call me tomorrow." I wiped my saliva off his lips. He nodded.

"I will. G'night Molly."

"G'night John. I love you."

"I love you too." He smiled, leaving the room. I laid back and shut my eyes.
....

Stuart and I laid in bed later that night. His warm chest rising and falling as he slept soundly. My head resting on his chest as I brought the blanket over our bodies. He smelled like my perfume and faint cigarettes.

"Mmmmm. Molly I can't...." he mumbled. I furrowed my eyebrows and sat up as he stirred.

"Stu?" I whispered. He groaned.

"We need to take care of Liam." He turned on his side. I bit my lip and decided to ask.

"Who's Liam Stu?"

"Our baby. You don't even remember..." he mumbled, snoring into a deep sleep. I couldn't help giggling and wrapping my arms around him from behind.

"Liam." I whispered to myself before finally calling it a night.
........