I'm A Loser

Chapter 55.

The long process of getting to Hamburg was no easy task. The goodbyes, tears, rental van, long lines, the stopping, the vomitting, the panic attacks, the ferry, the lost gear, arguements, more driving, chatting, smoking, awkward glances, cold weather, pill taking, the naps....more driving until getting lost. Life at the moment was one big chaotic tornado.

August 16, 1960

Stuart pulled my hair back as I puked on the side of the road after the end of a long drive. The smell of gas and something foul made me want to gag even more.

"You alright love?" He asked.

"Yeah just nausous. That long drive and the crazy driving." I muttered.

"Yeah that new roadie of ours sure as hell likes to step on that gas pedal." He chuckled. I held my stomach as we walked over to where the others were standing. George, John, Peter and Paul...along with Tiffany. I still couldn't muster up the care to speak to her. Even if she was ill.

"You alright?" John asked.

"Yeah I'm alright. So, is this it?" I looked around.

"Yeah. Hamburg sure as hell aint goin to be the same once we leave our mark." John smirked, flicked his cig and nodded for us to enter the club.
...

"..This seems alright though why can't we play 'ere??" John argued with the guy who had booked us the gig here. Bruno I think his name was.

"You all need to head off to the Indra just a few clubs down." He pointed. John groaned and looked over a folded paper in his hand.

"Bruno you told us..."

"I know what I said! But you and your band aren't due to perform here anytime soon! So go!"

John chewed on his gum loudly and sighed in frustration, walking over to where we all waited. Sitting on amps and listening to the arguement.

"Come on. Let's shove off." John nodded to the door.

"John we 'ad a deal." Paul stood up.

"I know Paul but this fuckin wanker aint givin us a break."

"Bollocks." George shook his head as everyone groaned at having to load up the van again.

I got off Stu's lap as he rubbed his eyes.

"You alright?" I asked. He stood over me and kissed the top of my head.

"I'm fine love. I should be askin you."

"I'm better. I give it an hour before John completely loses it." I whispered. He laughed and watched John curse loudly as he dropped an amp on his foot.

"I give it fifteen minutes."

"A screw in an alley after your first gig?"

"You're on missus." He shook my hand as we laughed amongst ourselves.
...

The Indra was horribly smaller than our original location and was even more hot and dirty. George was nervous as he looked at the empty stage. Just standing and wiping the sweat off his forehead. I kissed his cheek, making him jump.

"It's just me George. Look, you'll be great out there."

"Christ I dunno Moll. John's gone on about us having to play each song twenty minutes. Were not used to this."

"George. Calm down." I giggled. He looked at me and nodded. I stroked the side of his face. "You'll be amazing."

"Thanks Molly. You alright? I mean...with Peter bein 'ere and all?"

I shrugged. "He hasn't been cruel so far. Let's see how long it takes though. The drive really drained me."

"Fuckin dreadful yeah?"

"Aye you two get out 'ere and help! This isn't a social gathering!" John yelled. We laughed and headed outside where the others were packing things through the back.

I headed to Stu as George headed with Paul.

"Get the other side." Stu held up an amp. I obeyed and we were going back and forth, taking in guitars and setting the stage. Bruno came in when we finished and smiled at our accomplishment. John sat on a chair as we all headed to where the two sat.

"Alright so you'll need to be plenty good tonight. Our dancer is a very provocative girl who..."

"Wait dancer??" Paul asked.

"Yes. This is one of those shows...oh how do they call em back at your home?" Bruno asked.

"Were dancing for a stripper??" John asked. Despite the guys looking rather excited, I could sense John being a bit disappointed with the kind of gig. I knew he wanted to come here to be taken seriously.

"You do good tonight, you can turn up at the Kaiserkeller next week."

John nodded reluctantly and watched him leave.

"Fuckin hell yeah!" Paul and the guys began on and on about seeing a stripper for a few days. I rolled my eyes as even Stu talked with them.

Tiffany walked over to me and nudged my arm. "Pigs huh?"

I laughed and shook my head. "Yeah. It takes a girl to pop her top off and show her tits and they're all absent minded."

She giggled and offered me a cigarette. I took it and let her light it for me.

"So um, I heard you and Stuart are good again."

I inhaled and exhaled smoothly. "Yeah. Were better than ever."

"You've forgiven the others."

I looked at her. "And?"

"Why not me?"

I took another drag. "It's different."

"How is it different? I told you I was sorry."

"Sorry. Sorry for having your lips all over my husband? For even thinking about him that way! That's just cruel." I began my walk to the door where I headed out for some fresh air.

"Molly I...I want us to be friends again. I fuckin ruined us and...I miss you. Not like John or George or Stuart. We had something different. A real friendship."

"Yeah then you blew it." I glared at her. She shook her head.

"Then why are you so cruel huh?? Why are you a fuckin bitch to me and not to them!? Or maybe, maybe you're jealous at the fact your husband wanted me that night and not you." She shot back.

In that moment I grabbed my cigarette and burned her arm with it. She shoved me back and I pulled her hair. We began fighting outside the club which just drew in all the guys to watch. Scratching, spitting, pulling, ripping...it was a typical harsh girl fight. It wasn't until I felt arms pulling me away I felt my anger disperse. Tiffany looked horrible from my harsh violence. I could only guess I looked the same way. Stuart held me as I buried my face in his chest.

"Shhh Molly. Come on love let's go for a walk." He stroked my hair. I shook my head and looked over at Tiffany who was equally in Paul's arms. I broke away from Stu and he looked at me strangely as I walked away and headed over to her. She broke away from Paul and just stood still as I grabbed her hand.

"I was upset. I'm sorry what I said was uncalled for." She said between sniffles.

"I'm sorry I burned your arm. You deserved it though."

She broke a laugh and nodded. I leaned in and hugged her. Her arms quickly moved around me, holding me tight. All the guys 'awwing' and whistling. I rolled my eyes as they had cheesy smirks on their faces.

"A fight and a hug. No kiss?" John grinned.

We both gave him the middle finger, making everyone laugh.

"Alright alright come on now. We got a gig to rehearse for." John headed back inside.
........