Dammit I am not in love with you!!!!

The Wedding Omen Part 2

Wow I looked like Tweety bird and that was an understatement.This is one ugly dress. I am pretty sure my mother must have chosen it. Frankly speaking, I don't blame the previous MOH her choice of chartreuse because clearly that color must have been far more acceptable than the loathsome yellow I am currently clothed in. I mean who thinks canary yellow is acceptable for a wedding? And that too in a hideously designed tafetta dress. I feel like I am in a 'Gone with the Wind' enactment instead of a wedding. I just wish I somehow by God's grace escape certain public humiliation.

But since when has God ever listened to me? Because even if I avoid the possible harm to my pride by this dress, I still have the sky high torture traps on my feet to contend with. Its not like I haven't ever walked in heels before. In fact walking in heels was the first lesson my mom thought every teenaged girl should learn (instead of menstruation, boys and sex. Yeah she has her priorities set straight!). But I have never walked in needle thin heels that are probably higher than 6 inches and meant for a really tiny person. I am not tiny. I am pretty sure my balance is going to be an issue and gravity is waiting in pure excitement for me. I have no idea how much help Ronald's best man is going to be. I am pretty much on my own.

***

The wedding was back on track. The designer had managed to hide the rip expertly and all was well in Bridesville. The bride was making her way to the Church. Everything was in order. The ring bearer who had slept after his one bottle of milk was rudely woken up and calmed down with promises of candy. The flower girls were ready in their baby pink frocks. The poor darlings had to suffer the most since the church is not exactly a good spot for bored kids. There was finally a Maid of Honor who despite being forced was going to stand in the ceremony. Everything was fine or as fine as it could be.

The wedding guests had perked up after the planner had announced that the bride was on her way with her mother. My Grandparents had taken up their seats in the front pew on the left side. The Groom's parents too had resumed their seats on the right side. The Reverend had left before but the Pastor was still here and he too stood in attendance at the altar. The Groom and his best man were busy tidying up their appearance. I stood at the doors of the Church waiting for my mother and sister to come.

The precious time afforded to me by them was used in practicing my walk and maintaining my balance. The dress was floor length and tightly ensconced my legs and thighs. So it was difficult to walk in it. The hem kept on getting tangled with the spiky heels and almost resulted in a fall. Then there was the bouquet that I had to carry. It was big and heavy and positively hideous. One of the most ugliest bouquets I have come across. There were just all kinds and shades of yellow flowers in that bouquet. No attention had been paid to arrangement or size of the flowers or symmetry of any kind. The Florist clearly created this monstrosity at the very last minute.

The wedding planner was simultaneously dishing out orders and talking on her headset while trying to match ribbons to my dress and bouquets. I admired her multi tasking. But definitely disapproved of the ribbons.

"No that's not matching the dress. It has to match the dress not the flowers. There are too many different shades there in the bouquet. I want canary yellow or something close to it. And I need it fast. Any more delays and the Bride is going to kill me. Get me the samples from the.....Yes yes it's all alright. Please don't worry! Nothing will go wrong. I have it all under control. Uh huh. Uh huh. Yes yes I am on it. Somebody get me the bloody ribbons before the bride gets here or you're all fired!" I guess my sister must have issued some last minute ultimatum. Being the control freak that she is, she wants everything to go her way. And that probably means somebody (in this case the planner) has to deal with her bitchiness. I pity that person because I myself have had to bear some of the bitchiness that my sister dished out in high school. I don't envy the poor planner her position. And I guess she doesn't envy mine.

***

I managed to make it to the altar in one piece without faltering in my slow as a turtle stride. My mother's last minute 'Be elegant!' command had made sure that I tried to walk like I was a Swan while looking like a duck. Atleast God listens to me sometimes. No one had made fun of the dress too much. There were some whispers and some snickers but that was it. Maybe the guests were as tired as I was.

Standing at the altar and waiting for the Bride to make an entrance, I just realised that apart from avoiding falling I had no interest in the wedding proceedings. In fact I was praying to the higher powers for some miracle by which I could avoid this whole wedding. Or maybe the merciful almighty could make sure that I come out unscathed from this whole debacle.

But believe me if I had any idea that this whole day was supposed to end up as one big disaster, I would have run away at a moment's notice. But my powers of prediction are weak (actually non existent) and I really had no idea what was coming.

***

My sister walked down the aisle on my mother's arm looking as graceful as the Swan that I was hoping to be. And why wouldn't she look good? It's not like she wasn't wearing a million dollar wedding dress.

To say this was the only time I was envious of my sister would be an understatement. I have always been jealous of her because she's my mother's favourite. Today she was the centre of attention for three hundred people who forgot about me as soon as she entered. Like always. I was also jealous because of the dress. It was magnificent and ethereal. And something that I always wanted to wear on my wedding day. I am pretty sure no guy is ever going to marry me after seeing me dressed like Tweety bird.

Well atleast the scene was set and now the ceremony would finally begin. Honestly, I just couldn't wait for it to get over so that I could take off the dress and shoes and relax in my room.

I hope God listens to my prayers and this ceremony gets over quickly without any further delays. I can't honestly deal with anymore disasters.