Dammit I am not in love with you!!!!

The Lesser Evil

Pastor Johnson fainting after hearing me literally drop F bombs in a Church was not the highlight of the afternoon though. That dubious title was stolen by my mother's lecture on etiquette and manners befitting a young lady. I mean seriously mom I love you but my behaviour is not the issue here.

Uptil this point Ronald's parents had not intervened ( I guess they too were shocked by what the fruit of their loins had done). I think they finally managed to shake off their shocked stupor after my rant and I became the recipient of their anger. I mean I knew they didn't particularly like me but seriously you can't blame your moronic son's actions on me.

Mrs Dwight was crying and scolding her son simultaneously.
"Ronald how could you do this to Felicity? (Sobbing noises). I mean the poor girl loves you. She must be devastated. And to leave a treasure like her for this..... (points at me with a shaking hand) is preposterous. What do you see in that girl. For God's sake Father Johnson fainted because she was so uncouth. Please son don't do this. (More sobbing noises)."

She looked like a leaking faucet sputtering out water and her face was so red. Like she was giving some serious competition to Firefighter's truck.But seriously, why was I being targeted?

Ronald looked mighty uncomfortable with watching his mother crying but I don't think it made much of a dent in his cotton candy brain. Because he still persisted with this stupidity.

"Mom I know you don't like Lavinia but I love her!"

And ladies and gents thats what shocked my sister who had been crying uptil now into delivering a brutal right hook (which frankly I never thought she was capable of) to Ronald's face. And lets say she packs quite the punch in those little delicate hands because she managed to break his nose. And Ronald's nose started gushing out gallons of blood like the chocolate fountain he wanted for the reception.

And the doors to the Church opened to let in one man who would rescue me from this debacle- my ever sarcastic father Mr Blaine Knight.
"Well I guess I wasn't late after all. Hey baby why isn't the wedding on?"

"Dad please knock some sense into Ronald here."

"Honey I think that was handled by your sister pretty well. Nice punch Felicity. I am so proud of you." Oh well I think he saw that.

"I didn't mean literally dad. Please just come with me. I need to tell you everything." And I dragged him with me towards the storeroom behind the altar.

"Whats up baby? Why did your sister punch her groom? Too many strippers in the bachelor party?"

"No dad there were no strippers in his bachelor party. That is not why she punched him. He is refusing to marry her because he fancies himself in love with me."

I swear the face that my father pulled made it seem like he just swallowed a rotten egg...actually make that a dozen of rotten eggs.
"Baby are you sure Ronald is a good choice for you?" Oh god my father thought I loved him too. Do people think I am that desperate that I would steal my sister's fiancé ?

"No no no absolutely not. Dad I am not in love with him. He thinks he loves me but even I have my doubts because he doesn't even know my name....god this has been a nightmarish day. Please dad you have to help me before Ronald screws up anymore and I turn into chomp toys for mom and Felicity for the rest of my life!" And then I told him what transpired before the punch. I swear my father is a genious when it comes to escaping awkward situations because he gets caught in plenty of his own making. Like the time he got caught having sex with mom's best friend covered in mom's birthday cake. Yeah don't ask what all shit my father has gotten into and escaped from. I was hoping he could come up with a solution for this too.

"Well you got yourself in quite a fix baby. But fear not Daddy is here. We will get you out of this mess and while we are at it out of this ugly dress too. Baby girl have you lost your fashion sense? Why are you wearing this travesty of a dress? No daughter of mine shall be caught dead....."

"Dad focus or else I will be caught dead in this dress. Help me get out of this mess."

"Okay honey if Ronald fancies himself in love with you, your only solution is to fall in love with someone else."

"What kind of solution is that? Do you think I have the time to find a guy to fall in love with? How am I supposed to find a guy to fall in love with me in that mess outside? What is wrong with you? Come up with...."

"I didn't say find a guy now. Just fake it and buy enough time to produce a real one!"

"And who will be willing to become my boyfriend at such short notice? Do you have any candidates in mind? Because all the guys I know are in New York!"

"Well you do have a point but do you have a better idea? We will have to wing it for now."

"We can't just wing it. Do you not know the CIA team outside....mom and Felicity will know in a second I am lying if I am not able to produce this mythical boyfriend and it will get a lot worse. No we need a foolproof plan."

"Okay you are right. We have to come up with a guy who can follow the storyline and fill in the appropriate gaps. Lemme think of something to tide us over till that time.....we will have to come up with something that nobody can argue against. Maybe we can kill my Aunt Rosemary? No Virginia knows Auntie Rose..she would sniff out the lie in two seconds....what to do? I need a drink....." and he got interrupted by his cellphone ringing.

"Hello Blaine Knight speaking. Oh hey Alex! I am sorry you have caught me at a bad time....wait Alex where are you right now? You are in Chicago. Okay listen I need you to do me a favour. I am gonna message you the address to a church and you have to show up in half an hour no questions asked. And play along to whatever I tell you to do. No I am not running away from a wedding....no I am not getting married too..mmhhh this is not a favour for me its for Livvy...you want to talk to her? Well okay...." And he hands me the phone. I only know one Alex and he is not going to help me. No he would rather watch me suffer through this ordeal on my own.

"What are you doing dad? Seriously you are calling Alex here to pretend to be my boyriend? That guy will never agree to this! He delights in my misery and...."

"Do we have another option Livvy? Plus Alex likes you and he will help if you ask nicely." Yeah that jerk likes me. He just likes stomping on my pride because I once rejected his arrogant conceited ass and he has been torturing me since then.

"But dad..."

"No buts. Do you want to get out of this mess or not? Then swallow your pride and ask him to come here." I guess I have to rely on the devil to get me out of this mess. I mean Alex is the lesser of the two evils. I can handle him. Yeah I can him.

"Hello Alex."

"Hey Livvy whats going on? Why is your dad calling me to a church? And what is this favour? Are you getting married? Has the groom run away after seeing your shrewish side? Want me to marry you and save your behind?" God this arrogant jerk. If I wasn't in this mess I would cut him into million nano sized pieces and throw him into the sea as food for the fish. But I have to control myself.

"Look Alex I don't have time to explain but please do what he says and we will sit down later and explain everything to you. Please just come."

"Well you didn't react to my teasing and calling you Livvy so I am guessing it would be a serious matter. I mean seriously no insults or witty comebacks? You must be in trouble. Okay I will show up but you owe me Livvy! Tell your dad to message me the address I will be there in 30 minutes or so. And babes I intend to collect so be prepared. See you in 30."

I don't think I have recieved multiple shocks thrice in a day in just a span of two hours. I mean Alexander Seymour agreed to grant me a favour. Wow!
He agreed because I didn't sound like myself on the phone. Really? Well maybe today is my lucky day. But wait he said I owe him.
Oh shit I owe the devil a favour. And he is going to collect. I AM SO SCREWED!!!